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9 Things You Should Never EVER Say to Your Husband

By , Erin Whitehead
Communication is the foundation of any good marriage. When you're with someone day in, day out, for years on end, issues are bound to crop up. If you think a topic warrants a discussion, you should absolutely feel comfortable discussing it with your husband. But when it comes to certain hot-button issues, like friends, weight and the bank account, you might want to tread lightly. From serious to silly, here are nine things you should probably never say to your husband.  

1. "I hate your best friend."

Even if you have a beef with his obnoxious best friend, odds are they've got quite the history. Think how you'd feel if your husband despised your BFF—and made that known. If he (or she) isn't your favorite person but is harmless enough, suck it up for the sake of their friendship. If you make sure they get plenty of buddy time by not getting jealous when they go watch a game, you won't be forced to spend too much time with him and odds are you'll be able to get a pedicure guilt-free. If there are legitimate concerns, like said friend still likes to bar hop while you prefer your hubby be home, air those concerns without making it personal.

2. "Ryan Gosling is hot." (for the hundredth time)

Hubby probably didn't mind the first few times you gushed about how hunky you find Ryan Gosling. But he doesn't need to see you fanning yourself every time you see a preview with your favorite Hollywood hunk. Besides, you know he finds Jennifer Lawrence drool-worthy, but you don't need to hear it every time you see her flash on the screen, do you?

3. "I hate when you..."

Oftentimes it's not what your complaint is but how that complaint comes across when you air it that gets a conversation off to a bad start. Starting out with "hate" is a surefire way to put someone on the defensive. Likewise, accusing someone of "always" or "never" doing something is a confrontation waiting to happen. "This bothers me" comes across less harshly and positions you both to discuss the situation than any of those other loaded words.

4. "Is your hair thinning?"

He has a mirror. He has eyes. Odds are, he knows if his once-thick locks aren't quite as luxurious as they once were. Don't mention it unless he specifically comes to you seeking advice. If he is insecure about it, mention Bruce Willis. Hello, hottie!

5. "You need to start working out." & 6. "You need to lose weight."

Whenever weight is an issue, the person bringing up the topic needs to be sensitive to the other. It's fine to be concerned about a partner's weight gain and to broach the subject, but to spout directives as to what they "need to do" to take care of the problem could open up a can of worms and make you come across as bossy and controlling. Instead, you could mention that you've noticed that he has gained a few pounds and you've been trying to figure out how you can get more active or eat healthier meals. Make it a partnership of support, rather than weighty accusations for a much smoother conversation.  

7. "That's all you ran/lifted/worked out?"

Don't belittle someone's efforts; be glad they're making an effort to work out and get healthy (and likely, look good for you)! A simple "way to go!" gives encouragement to your partner's efforts.

8. "I wish you made more money."

He probably wishes that, too. And likely, I bet he wishes you made more money as well. Saying something like this is only going to discourage him and make him feel inadequate. Instead, take responsibility yourself. Money can be a big area of contention in a relationship, but saying something like "I'm going to ask for a raise; I think you should too" or "Let's take a look at our budget to see if we can make any cuts" gets to the heart of the matter without being accusatory or belittling.

9. "We are not buying that."

Most couples have money rules they follow, like not making big purchases without involving the other person. If he's looking at the newest big screen TV or smartphone but hasn't broached the subject and had a serious purchasing discussion, he's likely in the early stages of dreaming about that object of his affection. Let him look and enjoy the idea rather than crushing his technology (or other "toy") dreams. If he truly wants it, he'll bring it up—and you can discuss it then.
 
There should never be a pink elephant in the room when it comes to your marriage, and airing concerns is a fundamental part of the partnership. Just make sure you consider how you'd want to be approached on a topic before you bring it up to him because guys are sensitive souls, too. And just between us: How about that Ryan Gosling?

About the Author
Erin Whitehead is a health and fitness enthusiast who co-founded the popular website FitBottomedGirls.com and co-wrote The Fit Bottomed Girls Anti-Diet book (available May 2014). Now busier than ever with two kids, she writes about healthy pregnancy and parenting at FitBottomedMamas.com.


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Comments

KOALA_BEAR 10/5/2019
My husband loves me a lot because I say whatever I want & he knows he is overly sensitive by nature. So over the years he has learned to not take everything so hard & that how words come out might feel hurtful but we have each others backs, we are both loyal, reliable, & trustworthy. We don't hold grudges & get over any bickering quickly. He is now an old crotchety man & I don't wouldn't want another one. He would defend me w/ his life & I take care of him as much as he'll let me. I run the house & our lives cuz that's the arrangement we have, as he hates making decisions. He is all heart, compassion & empathy; I'm all about the logic, the practical & the details. If something needs saying I do do. I try to be tactful & choose the right time but nothing is off limits. If you can't say what you want to in your own home then you shouldn't be w/ that person.🐨 Report
KHALIA2 8/5/2019
Great info! Thanks for sharing this one. Report
MINICOOPER452 6/28/2019
Great info! Report
MILTONS_MAMA 6/14/2019
The Golden Rule can be a big help: "Do onto others as you would have others do onto you."

Since this isn't an all women's website, though, the blog should be written differently. Report
BRENNAN_ARMACOS 6/14/2019
I agree about the need for gender neutral pronouns. It does seem a bit biased in its approach. I also don't see the problem with following celebrities, you could do it as a couple and enhance your relationship. A lot of the other advice is good, though. It just should all be gender neutral! SparkPeople is for men and women. Report
NIGHTGLOW 6/10/2019
I'm just flabbergasted. I've never, ever seen SparkPeople promote an article that puts women down. Could you please remove it and continue to promote advice that respects and understands that both partners can say things that hurt their relationship? And please continue to support all partners of all backgrounds and genders. I love your usual stance of acceptance and support! Report
HOTPINKCAMARO49 6/9/2019
Thanks. Report
DRAGONFLY631 3/27/2019
Oops, my husband and I discuss anything and everything. It’s not what you say but how you say it. Report
DEBVNE 1/25/2019
WoW, not a fan of this one either. I was born married, well almost. We married at 20, we celebrated 38 years last summer. Ummmmm, others were correct in stating that making this gender neutral would improve it slightly. That being said, marriages fail all the time mainly when loving, open communication is not part of the dynamic. It’s crucial to treat your partner with kindness, dignity and respect...and put in the time any relationship deserves. Report
EO4WELLNESS 1/24/2019
I agree with other comments--it shouldn't just be limited to speaking to one's husband (if they have one) but also best friend, wife, mother, aunt, uncle, co worker, etc AND...definitely not things you should say to your self either. Report
FITFORME17 1/24/2019
I have been married for 23 years and there are no topics off the table. It wasn't always like that, but things were much better when we stopped trying to tippy toe around each other. If your spouse can't call you on your crap, then who can? I think we all need someone to hold us accountable, and adults should be able to communicate without fighting like small children. Maybe it's just me. Report
DIROB57 1/24/2019
I enjoyed the article and wasn't at all offended by it! Report
-POOKIE- 1/24/2019
Why is this sexist garbage a feature article AGAIN? Report
ETHELMERZ 1/24/2019
Who or what is a Ryan Gosling? Is the author 14? Silly, sounds like yet another blathering blogger, who needed to come up with some nonsense to get paid. Report
PATRICIAANN46 1/13/2019
I always think, "How would I feel if someone said this to me?" Then I go from there. Thank You............ Report
ARTGIRLJENNL 1/11/2019
@GADGETCC my thoughts as well.
Ladies, stop being so offended and so opinionated...by carrying on like you are about this article, you are actually portraying the very attitudes the article is bringing to attention. Like anything else on social media, disagree and scroll on.

I enjoyed this article. Thank you for giving me something to consider in ways to making my relationship with my husband a more loving one. Report
ANHELIC 12/12/2018
Great ideas Report
Wow. I don't usually comment on articles but holy cow, this is a sexist mess. Considering that most of these items are things that men have zero problems saying to women, I'm not really sure why the author is aiming them at women.

"If you make sure they get plenty of buddy time by not getting jealous when they go watch a game, you won't be forced to spend too much time with him and odds are you'll be able to get a pedicure guilt-free."

Really? Forced to spend time together, having to bargain for time spent doing your own thing? (on both sides). 'Nagging' about money, getting jealous over thinking somebody's hot that you'll never meet, etc, etc, etc.

It makes me glad that my spouse and I are actual adults in a relationship and not living out the 1950s dream. (25 years as of the spring so yeah, not a new thing). Report
Personally, I don’t think it’s out of place. Often life issues sre the subfloor of weight problems and many young women will get something out if it. Married for the second time gives me an advantage, snd by the way, you are free to read in whichever topic you care to. Report
This article doesn't belong on SparkPeople. Not because it's sexist and dated (which it is) but because it has zero to do with fitness or having a positive attitude in life and towards yourself. Let's face it, many of the people who desperately need a site like SparkPeople are women, and many women -- especially overweight women -- already have low self esteem. Judgy, b****y, recycled "X things a woman should NEVER do" articles belong on trashy clickbait sites, not on SparkPeople. Please do better. Report
AMBER461
A very good article. Report
To your husband...? Really? And to your wife, or partner? Report
It is such a shame that there are so many perpetually offended people who are so intolerant of other lifestyles.

This author wrote a fantastic article about things in her relationship. There are still women out there that may find this useful, and if you are not a woman who is married to a man, you can use your imagination to mold it to your situation.

The lack of tolerance that I saw in the comment section is disheartening.

Great article! Report
CC122981
I definitely agree that it’s not what you say, but how you say it Report
I agree with other commenters. The article could have been titled (and worded) better to include both genders. I'm rather disappointed in the author. Report
Food for thought, don't sling the hash! Report
WOW...thanks.. Report
Just once I’d like to see an article about something a MAN shouldn’t do to his partner. Thanks for continuing the tradition of making women feel they do everything wrong while men are just hapless victims. Report
COBRIEN2213
Incredibly sexist. Very disappointed Sparkpeople. Report
Wow! Accept the article as helpful as there ARE clueless women out there. Non-helpful, judgemental comments are NOT needed.
"Woke"people find it necessary to judge everyone. This makes them feel better about themselves.
Get a grip, people. Report
I wouldn't want to hear these either. Report
Interesting! Report
I though this article was a joke, like the ones they do around April Fool’s Day. Report
I thought this article was a joke, like the ones they do around Aril Fool’s Day. Report
a recycled article that was sexist and out dated the first time it was published...
Report
Why is this article unnecessarily gendered?
All this advice can work for any gender to any gender of partner.
Can we retire the sexist attitude back to the 1950's? Report
The real list is a lot longer. Report
What a sexist article. I plan to use this in my Women's and Gender class as an example of sexism. Report
As some said some of these things you don't say to anyone. Some of them are just dumb, treating men like they're poor little boys who have it SO hard. We should treat each other as equals, with respect, but respect also means being able to bring up tough subjects without sugarcoating everything. Report
This is sexist in it point of view. Some of it is good advice for a relationship but it does not have to be just wife to husband. Husband to wife, Wife to Wife. Husband to Husband. Report
This is simply good common sense advice, not just for wives but for husbands as well. Report
The only thing I regreted was saying to him: "You are starting to sound like your mother", I may say it to my daughter as she hears it also, but once to him was not a good idea Report
Interesting. Report
Freddie Mercury would be so disappointed about how his wonderful "Fat Bottom Girls" has been corrupted by this author Report
GKNIGHT69
Too funny! Report
I have been married 44 years and I have never said one of these things to my husband. Report
DH and I have been together 36 mostly wonderful, seldom boring, years. Thru it all, we've had a running joke that we're totally free to look at/drool over anything, but the other one usually says with a grin, "Go ahead, sweetheart, just give me the credit cards." LOL! And yes, it goes BOTH ways. Report
It does work both ways! Report
works both ways! Report
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