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The 2016 Airing of Health and Fitness Grievances

By , SparkPeople Blogger
A Festivus for the rest of us. That's all Frank Costanza wanted when the doll he was going to gift to his son was viciously ripped from his hands by a fellow shopper that fateful Christmas.

via GIPHY

For the uninitiated, Festivus is an alternative holiday, brought to us by the weird and wonderful world of "Seinfeld."  Fed up and frustrated with the commercialism that goes hand-in-hand with Christmas, Frank Costanza decides to create a new holiday, one centered around an aluminum pole and activities like the "feats of strength" and, my personal favorite, the "airing of grievances." In the spirit of the season, this month we're airing out all our health and fitness grievances, just as Frank would want us to do.

Don't get me wrong—there are plenty of things I absolutely love about living that healthy life. The extra boost of energy, that triumphant feeling you get when you're able to shoulder press five more pounds than you could three months ago, going to the store sweaty and feeling like a freaking champion, all the chickpeas, mastering Eagle pose and finding a super easy three-ingredient salad dressing on Pinterest that you make at home all the time now are all nice benefits, great even. But sometimes getting fit and eating healthy can be frustrating. The pros so outweigh the cons, but on this festive month of Festivus, it seemed like a good time to just put it all out there. I've got a lot of problems with you, healthy living! And now, you're going to hear about it.

Smile: The Airing of Health and Fitness Grievances

  1. When your hair tie is finally stretched out enough to go around your ponytail four times to keep it secure…and then it snaps.
  2. That person who never, ever, ever wipes down the leg press machine.
  3. Thinking you finally picked the perfect avocado, only to cut it open and find a brown, barren wasteland inside.
  4. Fitness instructors who count down from 10 on your last set of crunches, but do the old "…four, three, two, two , two , two, two, one" so you end up doing way more crunches and then you cry every time you laugh for the next two days.
  5. Blisters.
  6. When you think about trying Whole 30 but then get invited to six birthday parties, two weddings and a cookie exchange all in the next 30 days.
  7. Forgetting your headband and having every single flyaway hit you in the eye.
  8. Sunglasses that fog up the second you get in the car after a hot studio class.
  9. When you're lying face down for Supermans in a fitness class and you have to blow a hair ball away from your mat.
  10. Black leggings that are so adorable in the store, but become completely transparent the minute you drop your first squat.
  11. Accidentally replying "You too!" when the person at the front desk says "Enjoy your workout."
  12. Finishing your workout and feeling like you could actually eat an entire cow and still have dessert after.
  13. Anyone who doesn’t re-rack their dumbbells. Really.
  14. Doughnuts, for smelling so delicious and being so perfect and making me want them every single morning, noon and night.
  15. When you finally find the perfect sports bra, and go back to buy 10 more but they're sold out and they're not restocking that style any longer.
  16. Overcooked quinoa.
  17. Capri legging tan lines from logging all those miles on the trail or bike this summer.
  18. Being punished for hitting your water intake goal with constant bathroom trips.
  19. The love/hate relationship you have with leg day.
  20. All the chafing.
  21. When you go to Bikram for the first time and discover that, hey, you have sweat glands on your calves. Who knew?
  22. Getting stuck in a Cirque-du-Soleil-contorted pose trying to get your soaking wet T-shirt off your soaking wet body.
  23. Spin instructors who never break a sweat. How do you do that? What sorcery is this?!
  24. Having to do all the math to double or triple recipes while meal planning.
  25. Those days when you eat super healthy literally all day until 7 p.m. and then you decide to eat just one chip, but before you know it all the chips are gone and you're pulling the ice cream out of the freezer.
  26. Forgetting to rub the dry shampoo into your head after a lunchtime workout and looking like you spilled powdered sugar all up in your scalp.
  27. Headbands so tight they give you a headache.
  28. The serving size for peanut butter.
  29. Trying to spit after a tough workout and ending up with saliva running down your chin.
  30. That person who violates the every-other-treadmill rule in a room full of empty treadmills.
  31. When you decide to go hard on abs at home on a Monday, then go to your Tuesday studio class where—surprise!—it's abs day.
  32. Blistered hands after kettlebell class.
  33. Sweat that drops in your eye, causing you to curse at your eyebrows for not doing their one job.
  34. Running out of Tupperware when you're meal planning for the week ahead.
  35. Trainers who encourage you to squat just a little bit lower, just an inch, one tiny inch lower, little tiny inch lower, completely ignoring the fact that every muscle in your leg is already shaking out of control.
  36. My smoke detector, for obnoxiously alerting all my neighbors that I am trying to cook a chicken breast.
  37. Slippery hands pulling you out of your perfect downward facing dog form.
  38. Committing to swim every weekday morning and smelling like chlorine all day, every day no matter how many times you shower.
  39. When you're right in the middle of a sprint on the treadmill and the slowest, most romantic, most mellow song comes on, ruining your momentum but you're running too fast to change the song without falling flat on your face.
  40. That time I swallowed a bug running. Insult, meet injury.
Sound off in the comments below with your own grievances. It's cathartic. You'll feel better getting it off your chest. Trust me. Tomorrow we go back to loving it all or at least grinning and baring it until we achieve all our fitness and dieting dreams.

The feats of strength will commence at a later date.

Every month The Go Get It Guide is your destination for motivation, musings on random goals and probably pop culture references. It's a space where we'll sort through the PR pitches and news, then share our honest thoughts on what's happening in the health and fitness world, what's on the horizon and just what we think of that video the internet obsessed over last week. Check in each month to Spark, Sweat, Smile, Savor and Shop with us!

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Comments

What a hoot! Report
The "perfect" girl with the tiny body that comes to the gym in her cute little workout clothes, with her hair in the perfect pony and doesn't seem to break a sweat....while I look like an elephant in yoga pants that just drowned. Report
When your 80 year old friend can lap you. Report
That first bike ride of the spring! The wind in my hair, the sun on my face... THE UNSPEAKABLE PAIN IN MY BUTT. *sigh* Report
Almonds are supposed to be good for me, same with peanuts, so why are they 100 calories per tablespoon? You can't eat a normal amount & stick to the "serving size" and expect to be satisfied. Report
This brings back memories of when I had a gym membership and the treadmill grievance is so true! Also the grievance about the wipe off ANY gym equipment. But the worst one that is not here is when people would not WASH THEIR HANDS after using the restroom and then go and touch the equipment. Yuck! NO ONE wants someone's else germs!!! It made me ALWAYS remember to have my workout gloves with me !!!! Report
People who plant themselves directly in front of the instructor obstructing the few of those behind them are irritating . Report
The people who insist on dousing themselves in fragrance (perfume, cologne or even scented moisturizer - the last ones the dumbest as its going to run off or into your eyes as you sweat) and then get on the machine or space next to you in class. Some of us need to breathe when we work out and are sensitive to fragrance. I've had to move, when I was there first, and cover my nose and mouth with my shirt when I've been unable to move. There is no point in wearing fragrance to the gym, it doesn't help cover the sweat smell, it makes it worse! Report
Love them all. 2 gripes: 1) Gym provides towels and some will take 2,3 or 4 towels. I mean really?!?!?! 2) Letting everyone within 20 feet of you know you have a cellphone and you know how to use it, and use it, and use it and even the "noise cancelling ear buds / headphones" DON'T! Top 2 for me, but I do have more...LOL! Report
I love them all! Report
Sugar. Can't live with it; can't live without! Report
Had to chuckle @ the smoke detector being your chicken cooking alert. We used to tease Mom all the time that the smoke detector was her biscuit. She ALWAYS forgot the biscuits in the oven till the alarm detector would go off and they were burned -- Now *I* make the biscuits so it's a little better.

LOL Report
PRUSSIANETTE
I've had trainers try to push me when I KNOW my body cannot do what they want. I warn them once, and if they do it again, then I leave them. I have never regretted doing this. Why do I do this? Because I made the mistake once of trying to "push myself harder", and then tore cartilage which required surgery. Remember only YOU know your body--if you really believe your body can't do more, DON'T DO IT!!!!! And then leave your trainer if they think you're a wuss. Report
The treadmill grievance with not spacing out machines speaks to my soul. Report
SP articles and videos that are impossible for obese persons. Like the one X number of moves for a better butt. Fine if you look like the person in the picture. I would LOVE to have some SP videos presented by someone who looks like us. Report
I love this blog. I think we all have experienced more than a few of those. Jajaja! Report
#14 I hear you. Having to drive by one of my favorite shops every single morning. Having to fight to keep my hands on the wheel. DO NOT TURN. DO NOT TURN. Report
Absolutely LOVED this article!! So true and so funny!! Report
OMG!!! Swallowed my first bug while running this past weekend,. It was awful!!! I was only 1 mile into a 4 miler and was sick to my stomach the whole rest of the way. What a way to ruin a good run. Report
So with you on the chlorine smell and the bathroom trips. Hi5! Report
Am I the only weird person who secretly likes smelling like chlorine all day? Makes me feel sporty! Report
The people who just sit on the leg press machine....staring at their phone!!!
Report
Omg I'm DYING over here! These are HILARIOUSLY and painfully true! Report
Anyone doing a "gazillion" sets on any of the weight machines. Three sets of ten, then move on so the rest of us can have a turn!! Report
LOL, been there Report
Lol love this list! I'd want to add Bluetooth headphones dying mid-run.. Report
BWAAAHHHAAAHHAAA!! Report
When your trainer in a corporate workout facility tells you that you have no idea how boring the personal training part of his job is. Report
Hah! Nearsightedness...not being able to see the subtleties of the yoga pose your instructor is demonstrating 'cause you had to leave your glasses in your purse 'cause you sweat so much it pools and steams up your glasses so you can't see anyway. Report
So funny and so true! I guess the one that got me recently was when 2 gym rats came into the fitness center at our office building (small, but effective) and jumped onto treadmills on either side of me, then proceeded to talk to each other over me! (There were 2 available treadmills side by side, but I guess that wasn't going to work for them.) Report
When I've worked my posterior off for four months to lose 20 pounds,and my husband (who hasn't been exercising at all) steps on the scale and says, "hey, I've lost 20 pounds! Your diet must be working!" Grrrrrrrrr! Report
41. Trying to take off a sweaty sports bra. I look like an octopus fighting a rubber band.

42. The Popeye's that is RIGHT ACROSS and DOWNWIND from THE GYM. Seriously?!!

43. The dudebro who comes to the gym reeking of cologne. Not even GOOD cologne.

44. Yoga farting. No further explanation needed here.

45. People who comment on what you're eating, whether it's healthy or the rare treat. Seriously, keep your eyes on your own plate!

Report
Thanks for the article!! I can totally relate to 25...It is nice to know that I am not alone in this item! :-) Report
A gym member monopolizing several cable weight stations ...leaving all of their stuff on the benches....keeping anyone from using it for more than 30 minutes.
I mean, just take your turn, right? To relate to BELDAME, gym members chatting while working out and dominating an area of machines for way too long.....and lastly, my Garmin battery dying on me in the middle of my best run ever! Report
the weighed, perfectly portioned snack on your desk...that somebody samples as they pass by.
the person who ALWAYS comes in to class late...and you ALWAYS move over to make room for them, then they have the gall to ask if you can also make enough room for their spouse!?! Report
To piggyback on KBEHNKE81's comment and add knowing you met your steps goal for the day only to realize your battery is dead in your Fitbit (I have the basic one). Great article
Report
Ohhhhthe chafing! Swampbutt is just sooooooooo ughhhhh! Report
#15!
And I would add: when both of the two cable weight stations at the gym are monopolized by two pairs of workout buddies having a chatty bromance and casually doing tag-team sets on all 4 sides at 5:45 on a weeknight.
Are you kidding me??
And add to that: bromance workout buddies givng me the stinkye for busting in and doing my sets anyway. Report
Fantastic article! How about having your portions for the day all measured and in containers in the fridge and SOMEBODY eats them :( Report
CD9148934
When you set the perfect air temperature on the thermostat and someone comes and cranks it up or shuts it off. Report
Overcrowded Zumba classes and people who think they are entitled to the same spot on the floor, first come first served I would think. Report
Knowing you had an day with a record number of steps, only to realize you are not wearing your FitBit, so you'll never know just how many steps you did. Report
These are so true. From #18 (drinking so much water I pee ALL THE TIME) and #25 (eating healthy all day and then giving in) resonate the most. I could add one and that is instructors who count UP from 1 - whatever! Report
Totally finding my pace on my bike, and realizing I have a flat tire. Report
People who seem unaware of personal space in group activities interrupt my routines. Instructors who "playfully" call people out in class who are doing the best they can.
Report
GENERIC-FIT
Instructors that don't start the class on time.

People that spray on the perfume/cologne like woah hello get thee to the shower you idjit! Report
The person who hogs the 2kg dumbells for a complete hour, even though she's not actually using them all the time, but won't share so that you can do your 2 x 20 reps of shoulder presses! Grr... she was there yesterday when I trained at 8am, so today I went to the gym at 6am!! Report
Getting the perfect low bun hairdo so that hair won't be in my face for downward dogs etc, but then come in to class that day and instructor is all about doing the corpse poses and the other one where you lay down with your legs in the air against a wall, and the low bun is now "in the way" (neckaches, much?)...
Report
CD15641307
All are oh so true! Report
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