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Introduction Text I am a 53 year old kiwi and my name is Shell. I love life, people, animals, the outdoors, music, the internet and more. I am a great believer in human and animal rights. I have been overweight since a was a small child. I am still battling the effects of a traumatic and abusive childhood. Food is my drug, and if I wasn't a food addict I'd quite likely be an alcoholic. I don't think drugs would be an issue, as I don't like drugs. I used to smoke cigarettes and have a very addictive,obsessive personality. When I smoked I was a heavy smoker and I chained smoked at times too. I left that behind and I am going to tackle this addiction as well. But along with that I suffer very severe emotional scars which on one hand I can be very strong, but also very sensitive. Not many people really "get me". But all I really want is to be excepted instead of being judged. And the people judging don't know the first thing about me. Because my weight is the main obvious side effect of my emotional state. I'm not confused and messed up because I'm overweight. I'm overweight because I am confused and messed up.

First I want to get under 100 kilos. As I have always been very overweight I am not sure what weight I want to get down to. Getting to eighty will be a weight I have not been as an adult. But I will aim for seventy kilos and see how that works for me. I know right, I wouldn't recognise myself. I think I'd have to keep checking in the mirror to see if it's really me!! Dreams are free, but reality is real. So I really better get my reality gown on and get moving!!!

My programme consists of healthier eating and more exercise. I have done over thirty years of yo yo dieting on and off where I was either "being good", or "not being good". I have learnt from that, that diets aren't for me. Changing my habits and lifestyle will show more permanent results. Because they will be changed habits, rather than temporary ones-as on a diet.

I have been overweight since I was a small child.But I first started dieting when I was thirteen. I have been yo yo-ing ever since. Like so many overweight people I have a history of abuse,and I also had truama and as a child I blocked feelings and situations out that I wasn't ready to handle.Being a compulsive eater to me is a side effect of my emotional state. Writing helps me in the form of therapy. Although I do really need to look into counselling. I have been working on my emotional development for many years now.

I love people, animals,the outdoors,the computer, writing,human and animal rights,music,honesty etc. I look forward to catching up on doing so many things that being overweight has held me up from doing-mostly due to my low self esteem.And embarrassment. I know that being overweight does add discrimination. And that is one reason I have avoided some situations. But most my fear is due to childhood abuse and traumatic circumstances.Life's had it's ups and downs for me, but I enjoy the mundane as well as the unexpected.Life was never meant to be about plain sailing-well for some maybe.But reaching goals is a great strength builder. I have tried and failed so many times. But I keep going because I know that I will get there in the end. And I am going to make that goal happen instead of letting it fail.So determination is very important to me.

Add a Link Little goals in the end make for bigger rewards than big goals that are unachievable(Shell) Be your best friend-not your worst enemy.Treat yourself with respect and do unto yourself as you would do to others!! (Shell) Love yourself and guide yourself and the destination will be within your reach!! (Shell)
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