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Introduction Text My highest weight in the past was 330. I started following the Ketogenic diet a couple of years ago (lazy Keto, basicallyl) and had lost about 45 lbs. Then life happened. I switched jobs (nightmare job), lost a meaningful friendship, and then switched jobs AGAIN . There are good things that happened in the mix. I went from working night shift for 8 years to day shift. After a year, I still feel my body is still adjusting to day shift and my hormones are trying to stabilize back to normal cycles. I also ended up with a great job working as an in-home Hospice RN and it's been very rewarding. I don't miss the drama of working on a unit. And lifting patients! Being in charge most of the time, I often had to deal with patients and families that were impossible and challenging. (The families really were more trouble most times than the patients.) My patients and families now want me in their home and are kind and appreciate the support I give. As a case manager, I leave feeling like I did my best and that they have what they need. If not, I will do my best to make sure they get it. BUT, in the mix of the stress of 2 new jobs, I lost focus on eating right and let depression and food addiction take over once again. Now, my weight is affecting every single aspect of my life. Physically, mentally and spiritually. I am a food addict, a compulsive over-eater. The proper name for it is binge-eating disorder. My eating has been so out of control for so long. One day I am determined, and the next it seems I forget what I was even trying to accomplish. Sometimes, I find it ironic that I am a caregiver for others, but don't care for myself as I should. I have read that this is not uncommon for my personality type and for nurses. I need to make myself my own patient My biggest focus now, has to be counting carbohydrates obsessively and meal-planning ahead so I can completely avoid fast food restaurants and their frankenfoods while on the road while I’m traveling from home to home. I have ate so much of it in the last 6 months, that it doesn’t even sound good any more. I have Psoriatic Arthritis. It is an autoimmune disease whose biggest issue is inflammation. My whole body hurts. I am full of calcified tendonitis and bone spurs. I feel the rain immediately and even have issues with a weather change, even if it’s from cold to warm. My husband says I’m a human barometer. I can tell him when rain is coming, even if it’s not in the forecast. BAM! It rains within a day. Lately, it has been the worst it's ever been. I am moving slow and I feel heavy with each step. It's hard each morning to even get out of bed. Mentally and physically. My pain is out of control. I am taking Humira shots (which are toxic, lower your body's ability to fight off infection and CANCER), and it is only helping to a degree. Also, my doctor is trying to decrease my pain medication. That’s been a struggle. I am tired of filling my body with substances that are not meant for it and are hard on my organs. The inflammation alone is hard enough on my organs and all other tissues. I remember when I was following the Ketogenic diet before. The bloated feeling was gone within 1 week. My clothes were fitting loose. I was getting compliments daily from co-workers, friends and family. My depression was lifting because of how I was feeling. I need that back again. I want to feel like getting out of bed. I want to be free of brain fog and feeling so tired all the time. I already feel tired with my body attacking it’s own self. Why have I been adding to it? Most days I cannot wait for 5 pm (end of my work day) so I can lay down. This is not how it’s supposed to be. Today is the 4th of July, 2019. I am done with sugar! It is proven what an addictive substance it is (stronger addiction than heroin, they claim) and it’s been woven into our culture. As an RN, I’ve seen the prevalence of Diabetes. Our society is so overweight because of our carb-filled diet. It doesn’t help that the carb-filled food is the cheapest and healthy food costs more. I have come to the conclusion that it might be uncomfortable for a bit to get my body into Ketosis and breaking the sugar addiction, but I can suffer for a short time or keep suffering indefinitely. Those are my choices. “I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you today that I have set before you LIFE AND DEATH, blessing and cursing. So, CHOOSE LIFE, so that you and your descendants may live.” - Deuteronomy 30:19 I plan to journal daily. I can decorate it up and take with me everywhere with my goals and reasons I want to lose weight (that I have on Spark), just so I can have a reminder with me 24/7. I have to become obsessed basically in order to develop healthy habits in place of the destructive ones. I just turned 51. My profession keeps it in my mind daily…In the end, do you want to say that you lived a good life? Choices now will be your answer then. Life Goals Goal 1: PLAN AHEAD! One of the biggest challenges in following the Ketogenic diet is to plan ahead. If you don’t, you will fail. I will plan ahead for the next days and prepare foods so that I won’t stray and eat carb-laden foods. Goal 2: MAKE CHANGES! To unlock this door of this prison cell of a FAT BODY that I have been in for soooooo loooong. I feel that God has put people in my path that have mentally and spiritually energized my battery. A jump-start if you will. I have been in a slump for such a long time. I had spent some time being angry about certain things that happened in the past and I can't say that that anger is totally gone. I have spent time feeling like I am not worthy of the affection I deserve. I have spent time feeling uncomfortable pretty much every minute of every day in my body. Even in the position I sleep in in bed when my husband is home. I'm totally embarrassed if I wake because he is walking through the bedroom and I am in some exposed position, knowing he has looked at me. How freakin stupid is that!! I have spent years now, feeling unattractive and abstaining from many things that I enjoy, for fear of how I will look doing it. (Prison!) It's time to look in the mirror and see something that makes me proud. It's time to hear others notice and keep noticing. It's time. Period. I want to make these people who genuinely care and do not make me feel judged, PROUD! Goal 3: CONNECTING WITH LOVED ONES I am going to make a point to either see or reach out by phone or text or message, to people I don't get to see enough. In my profession (hospice nursing), you see just how short life can be or how you can end up in a situation where you are not as free to visit people as you once were. I don't want to live with regrets, so I am making this year different. Goal 4: STEPPING UP MY EXERCISE! I will start slowly by getting out of the house for a walks and enjoy some sunshine and fresh air. I know I will feel completely self-conscious walking down the road, feeling that I am being judged by the onlookers, but then I remind myself that in order to see the difference, they can see me now and then see the hard work as it starts to fall off of me. Sometimes I like to stop at one of the houses where I played as a young girl and sit on the steps leading down to the lake. I used to go there as a teenager to visit an elderly lady who lived there alone. She always enjoyed my visits and after she was put into a home, when my world seemed to be falling apart for any reason, I would go there and sit on the steps and have some solitude to think about things. too. It’s always a nice revisit and I will be doing more of it. I enjoy the lake breeze on my face and smelling the familiar smells. I have a gym membership to a 24-hr facility (Planet Fitness). I haven't used it in a year. It even has a chair massager and a bed massager, oh! And a tanner. Why have I not gone back? It doesn't matter. JUST DO IT! A tan always makes me feel better even by itself. I have memories of how I used to feel. I want that back. Goal 5: USE ALL OF THE TOOLS AT MY DISPOSAL! I know, in this life, that I have UNENDING tools for FREE, that can only reinforce my success. I have made attempts in the past and not stuck with them. That is why I end up in failure. This time I am setting up rewards for myself. I am tired of living in a prison that I really have the keys to just walk out, painful as it may be. I have to admit that no one has put a spoon to my mouth. I will be using them constantly even if I have to put sticky notes all around my house to remind me of what I am doing so I don't get off track... Goal 6: TAKE MY VITAMINS! I decided to get out a DVD that I ordered several years back in one of my stress management classes that I thought was excellent (but hadn't watched again - it was still in the wrapper). Dr. Michael Roizen - "You, Inner and Outer Beauty"). This doctor gave wonderful advice for a "beautiful day" pretty much hour by hour, the things we need to be doing for self-care, such as skin, diet, vitamins, sleep, etc.) I forgot how much I loved the DVD. He gave a list of vitamins that we should be taking every day. So I now have a collection of vitamins I will be taking daily. I am sure I will see a difference. I have only taken my RA meds for years, knowing as a nurse, that I should at least be taking a multi-vitamin at my age. I added the list of vitamins to my Sparkpage under my plan if you are curious. Added motivation goals: -Set alarms on my phone and sending emails to myself to keep me focused. -Read my bible daily before anything else (first fruits can only make the rest of the day better)... -Pray/ Make a war room to do even better praying -Practice stress relief activities that I have recently learned to keep myself from feeling like binge-eating. -Do a deep STUDY of the books I have bought on Binge-eating disorder and journal at the same time as I am reading/studying them about things I learn and relate to. -I believe in one magic word in life. BALANCE. In all things. This is my biggest goal. If I follow that, all other things will fall into place. -See my list of things that I have spent m

Get down to 165 lbs and reward myself with a CRUISE! To go to Cedar Point and ride the rides. All of them!

I am starting today to add the following vitamins/minerals to my diet. Per Dr. Roizen: -Half of a multi-vitamin (with at least 500 IU of vitamin D) 1/2 in morning/ 1/2 in evening. -600 mg of calcium -200 mg of magnesium -600 mg of omega-3 DHA -162.5 mg of ASA a day I have found out that my BMR is only 2560 and you are supposed to eat 500 calories less than that a day so knowing that: -2060 Calories or less per day I am going to use the tools that Spark has to bring on my success!



Things I can do to help! -Journal -Pray/meditate/speak verses out loud -Exercise and record it -Read books or on computer about Keto! -Watch videos about Keto! -Look at success stories/comparison pics on FB Keto group! -Cook/bake something -Clean/organize something -Do something creative

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