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VERGE_OF_ME is a SparkPeople Motivator!

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**Thought for 2018** Be grateful each day for exactly who and where I am, secure in the knowledge that this place I am at is only a stopping point if I allow it to be so.

**2-2-18 Update** Preparing to take very small steps towards the goal of lasting change.

**Thought for 2017* "Never give up. Today is hard, tomorrow will be worse, but the day after tomorrow will be sunshine." ~ Jack Ma

1-22-17 Update: There are no coincidences. I just received notification I was chosen as a SP Motivator. This brought me to tears because I feel so unworthy yet it came at precisely 1 week into a re-visit to my once healthy lifestyle. I know what I am capable of when I am committed and determined to care for myself and my health. I remember clearly how difficult, how painful, and how absolutely worth it rising to the challenge of prioritizing self is. I am ready to do more than just remember....I am ready to do more than think healthy but choose poorly....I am ready to do the never give up....on me!!!

**Thought for 2015** "As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart." ~Proverbs 27:19

1-3-15 Update: So many changes. The last few months of 2013 and the entirety of 2014 was a desperately trying season for me. A lot of upheaval....moving from the city to an extremely rural area for my husband's job and for a safer, quieter place to raise our children. This entailed me leaving a beloved job, a dear church family, and so many friends I well as a lifestyle I had carved out for myself. To do the best for my family...everything normal and familiar had to be let go. It has been worth it for that alone, but in the name of coping....I have gained back over 40lbs. I made choices, I own them, and I am ready to do better. I am choosing to focus on the fact that I HAVE kept off 60lbs consistently over 7 years, rather than the fact that I have been fighting between losing/re-gaining another 60lbs. on top of that throughout that time period. As my thought and verse for the year states....I am going to focus on the health of my heart both spiritually and physically....the rest will fall into day at a time. Very thankful that SP is still here with all the tools I need to get me to where I want to be. I'm ready to do this....join me if you will :)

**Thought for 2013** "When it comes to my body, I can't live with divided loyalties. I can either be loyal to honoring the Lord with my body or loyal to my cravings, desires, and many excuses for not exercising." ~ Made to Crave This, in addition to clinging to thought for 2012.

**Thought for 2012** "Comparison is the Thief of Joy"~Theodore Roosevelt.

January 4, 2013 - I want to stop comparing my journey and my abilities to that of others whom I deem successful. The act of comparison leaves me feeling defeated and discouraged, so counter-productive to what I want to be and achieve. I am working on trying to embrace each day exactly how I am and exactly where I'm at(presently starting out 2013 w/a 30lb gain....again), no matter what. In doing this, I CHOOSE Joy! Joy is much more conducive to me reaching my goals than either discouragement or defeat have been. Also ready to regain control of what(everything "healthy me" related) has been reeling out of control since leaving the life of sahm-dom for the first time in 12 years. Love my job at my kids school so much....time to find the balance of continuing to love and work on me along with it! Have come too far to continue going backwards, it stops now.

"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run." (This one in particular reassures me that I can be who I want to be no matter what!)
~John "The Penguin" Bingham~

"For better or worse, you are the only you that you will ever get. What you decide to do with you is up to you. Tomorrow you will still be you. The question is whether you will move closer today to who you want to be." ~John "The Penguin" Bingham~

"Out on the roads there is fitness and self-discovery and the persons we were destined to be."
~Dr. George Sheehan

"Our running shoes are really erasers. Every step erases a memory of a past failure. Every mile brings us closer to a clean slate. Each footstrike rubs away a word, a look, or an event, which led us to believe that success is beyond our grasp."
~ John "The Penguin" Bingham~

***Background image attributed to***

These quotes are the foundation of my philosophy and serve to inspire me as I move forward into what will be my 4th year at SparkPeople. I have experienced both success and failure within this time frame. The success due completely to the abilities God gives me and what I have found here at SP. The combination of those things empowered and enabled me to succeed. The failures have been at my own hand. Both have taught me much and have brought me to where I am today. I have learned to rely on God and walk more closely with Him as I travel this road. I am stronger than when I started both mentally and physically. I have discovered what self-confidence feels like and hunger for more. I have discovered possibility in and through perseverance, determination, sweat, and accomplishment. All of this fuels my fire to become all that God intends me to be....vibrant and healthy. I am ready to put rubber to the road and make that happen to it's fullest extent. Without the lessons learned from where I have been....I would not be prepared to make permanent and lasting changes, nor to handle life in healthy ways as it happens without warning. Yes, now I am ready...after all...I am the only me I will get and each day is a that I will open each morning with the fervor, reverence, and purpose that life deserves. Injury and self-doubt had me on the sidelines for half of 2010, I am not sorry to see this year slide off silently into the past. I am gearing up to greet 2011 with gusto and making it count in every way possible!

Member Since: 3/14/2007

My Goals:
**2017 Update** I'm struggling but choosing to persevere.

1.) To hopefully somehow bring glory to God through my daily life.
2.)To be the best me I can possibly be.
3.) To not be too hard on myself or expect too much too soon.
4.) To work hard at staying positive and not let discouragement seep in and take over.
5.) To just feel better and be truly healthy.

My Program:
Been at this almost 10 years at SP now and know what works and what doesn't. What works is tracking food and exercise dutifully and following the guidelines set forth for me by SP. What works is eating healthy, well balanced meals and snacks and not starving myself. What works is utilizing the principle of "if it didn't come from the garden or from something that had a spot on Noah's Ark....then don't eat it." I avoid processed stuff and eat as fresh and natural as a tight budget will allow. What works is MOVING, moving, much and as often as possible. Working hard to hit my THR with each workout now.

All that I have accomplished thus far is completely attributed to the tools and knowledge I have found here at SP! Sparkpeople not only helped me change my life, I believe what I have found in the program here literally saved my life.

Personal Information:
I am a sinner, saved by God's grace through the blood of Jesus. I am 49, a wife and mother of 2 beautiful children, boy-13 and girl-17. Currently, trying so hard to conquer this battle and show my children what healthy looks like, while learning to look to God for my strength instead of my self. I have given food way too many hats to wear in my life...companion, comforter, calmer, reward, and just all around plain void filler. My kids are only going to learn from my really crappy example and I am robbing them of their best mom and me of my best self by reaching for food just because it happens to be there. I was so happy to find this site and am hoping to connect with other people who might possibly relate in some way to how I feel and to share mutual support and friendship. It is time for me to take back control of my life.

Other Information:
Born in Hawaii, live in Oklahoma,lol. Some things I love:
My growing relationship with God, being a mom and wife, my family(dh, 2kids, 5dogs, 5 cats, 1 rabbit), kayaking, camping, writing, softball, cooking, learning about people.
I am a sucker for the underdog and music of most any kind(LOVE 80's stuff) is just as necessary as air to me.

Read More About VERGE_OF_ME - Profile Information moved here. (Updated February 3)

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    Hey no problem, we can definately support each other. I hope you have a good time camping...i love camping but right now that's not an option. I live in Ontario, Canada and we are experiencing some snow at the moment..I hope your trip goes well and you stay dry and warm. Talk to you soon.....Hibernating in the cold......
    5211 days ago
    HI and welcome to Sparkpeople, this site is full of helpful, useful and positive information and people, best of luck reaching your goals and changing your life the healthy way....Lisa
    5211 days ago
  • v MAP9980
    Hi there, I noticed that we have a lot in common. I wish you the best in your journey and obtaining your goals.

    5211 days ago
  • v MINI-ME-2B
    Hi & Welcome to SP & Cooking Made Easy! Please feel free to use & share any healthy, easy & delicious recipes you come across.

    Please come and join us at our group forum, The Round Table. Bring your coffee, sit back & introduce yourself, chat, ask questions, talk about your day.

    Congrats on finally taking the time to focus on YOU. Believe me, you are worth it. This is not an easy journey you're embarking on, but it is all worth it. So are you.

    I started last January (right after my 40th), and I'm 15 away from my goal.

    Doing this now, while your kids are young, you can teach them healthy habits. So they aren't stuck at our age (ok, I have you by a few) still trying to figure out where the weight came from.

    SP is a wonderful site. Take your time. Work on one thing at a time. Its not going to happen overnight. You're going to have alot of hard days. THAT's the time you come here & post and ask for help. That is what we're here for!

    Good luck to you!
    5211 days ago
    Welcome to 100 plus glad we can have you on the board wishing you the best of luck on your weight lost journey and hope to see you on the board.:)

    Lesa Leader of 100 plus club
    5213 days ago
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