Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I am so down today :-( I'm back at work and so far behind. My sick mother is very much on my mind. Every time a coworker bounces up to me and says "oh, you're back! How was your trip? How's your mom? Did you have fun?" I just want to cry. So far I haven't broken down, though...I just stare blankly at them and say "my mom is dying," and they get embarrassed and back off. There is NO WAY I should be in the office now, I *need* to take a few days and just stay in bed and feel sorry for myself for my impending loss, but I have deadlines to meet and way too many people irritated with me already because I'm not getting stuff done fast enough/well enough. :::sigh:::
Meanwhile, my mom wants me to come back again and stay another week. I'm so torn up inside. I want to go, but I have so many obligations here. I so badly want to spend more time with her, and the pressure is intense because there's obviously so little time *left* now...but I still have so many responsibilities here that no one else can (or will) do for me. Usually I call her almost every day, but I've been back since Thursday and haven't called her at all because I don't know what I'm going to answer when she asks "when can you come back?"
So I'm a very unhappy Sparker right now...in fact,instead of a spark, I feel more like a burnt out ash right now. :-( I really could use a hug. And a steak. And some ice cream (pareve of course, since I want steak!). And a week off with no one (adult or kid) asking me to "do ____ for them/give them_____/buy_____" for them.
~ Chana, the sad spark