SP Premium


We Now Have An Answer

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

and it is not good. It is not what I wanted to hear and I am sick...absolutely in shock, numb sick. I called to say hello before leaving for an appointment today to say my usual hello I love you and my brother-in-law Darrell answered the phone. The doctors had just left. Darrell very softy relayed all that had been told him. Where the cancer is and why they could not find it earlier and immediate plans for Hospice.

When he finished all I could respond was oh Darrell, I am so sorry...I am sorry for all of us. I went on to repeat all and then to say Hospice? Is it terminal? he said more than likely yes. The doctors were coming back later in the day (I haven't called yet) to discuss in more detail plans of action if any. Darrell went on to say that he and Jane had discussed and she stated that if the treatment was not going to cure she'd prefer not to go through it.

I again said I was so sorry...asked how he was, bless him he is so tired and sad. He stated maybe Jane can come home in a day or so. I asked if I could call again this evening and he said yes.

I was so numb and had an appointment I had to go to for new business. I prayed all the way to the appointment for strength. I knew if I called anyone I would cry and I could not do that...not yet anyway....

Appointment over, I called my best friend and we talked and talked and talked. She lost her Mother to cancer and she was there for me. I told her to please tell me about anything and everything light hearted....I did not want to discuss and she did. She and me laughing at silly things. We discussed back and forth the finality, the reality what is is.

Came home and told my husband as he was not here when I initially learned Jane's destiny. We talked quietly both agreeing that we somehow knew the outcome was not good. I recalled telling hubby when I first learned cancer and come back that the feeling of calm not there...that it did not bode well and I had a bad feeling.

Am upstairs in office and it has hit me....I am crying....a good thing. I need to be strong. Hubby and I going to hospital tomorrow. I want to hold Jane's hand and tell her I love her and how much she made my life worthwhile. Damn it, the medicine will not even allow us any more memories. I can;t type any more I can't see for the tears.

God I now pray to you in your infinite wisdom to please take Jane quickly and spare her the pain she is suffering from. Amen

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JAN11661
    Dearest Ellen,

    I'm sorry that I have been out of the loop lately and have missed your recent blogs. I am more sorry about the recent news regarding your beloved sister Jane.

    I read your blogs and ended with a tears in my eyes feeling the pain in your heart. You are such a happy, wonderful, & inspiring person and to hear you being sad makes me sad.

    All I can do is offer you what everyone else has so far, continued support, pink love, and lots of prayers to you and your family.

    You know that as individuals and as a team we are here for you always.


    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4553 days ago
    Ellen, My heart is hurting for you. I can't imagine what you are feeling, but know that I am always here for you. I pray also that your sister go fast and has no suffering. Be strong for her and most of all, spend as much time with her as you can. Treasure the memories and always know that I love you even though I have never met you. You are a light in my life. I'll pray for her and your family.
    4556 days ago
    Oh Ellen, my heart just hurts for you and your family. I know what it's like to lose someone you love way to early. I'm praying for you and for peace. Please know that you are loved and I'm thinking about you. Jeni
    4557 days ago
    So sorry to hear about your sister. Enjoy your memories of the past and be there for her as you can now. Trust in God for strength and He will get you through. emoticon
    4558 days ago
    oh ellen, my heart just sank in my chest and my breath escaped me. i am. so. sorry. I am going to go say another prayer for her, and actually i'm also going to smudge for her. It's a native american prayer ritual to the great spirit (GOD) all the same to me. I'm thinking of you and know that I am here for you.
    love you
    4558 days ago
  • KATIE145
    I am so sorry to hear the latest news. I will continue to lift you and your family up in prayer.
    4558 days ago
  • no profile photo CD534346
    emoticon Ellen....Sorry to hear the latest! You, Janie and the whole family remain in our prayers. We have church tonight and I will put Janie and family on the prayer list there as well. ((((((((HUGS)))))))) .....Debbie
    4558 days ago
    Ellen~I am here...I am so sorry to hear of the answers you recieved today. I wish I knew what to say. We are here for you...We are praying for You, Dear Jane, and Darrell...for your families. May you all find some peace somehow, some way. Cherrish your love and your memories...Cry, it is okay. I wish I could be there to wrap my arms around you and comfort you somehow, some way...Keep on writing about it sister...You will be able to look back and find the lesson when it is time. My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with you Ellen...you are Strong and Wise and about to become Stronger and Wiser yet...adversity brings us great life lessons...if we let it.

    Sending Peace Your way~
    4558 days ago
    Oh love! I am so sorry the hear your news. It breaks my heart. I am here for you. If there is any thing I can do, please do not hesitate to call. You know that you are in my heart and prayers. Don't stay away too long. And please keep us posted!

    Love ya much!
    4558 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1935667
    Hi Ellen. I had the feeling I should visit your page. What can I say but that I am here for you? I feel for you so much. Crying is good - it releases some of the emotion. Thank goodness you have a friend there for you and a wonderful husband.
    The days ahead will be hard. It is not a weakness to feel so upset and to wonder how life will be without your dear sister.It is also natural for you to be concerned for the possible suffering that Jane may have. I know that the medical people will spare her all the pain they can.
    Write anytime in any way about anything - ok? Promise?
    I care about you very much and I send love from the bottom of my heart!
    emoticon Dianne
    4558 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.