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Have a Real Happy Marriage!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


Be Blessed!

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her
know what I was thinking.
"I want a divorce". I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me Softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night we didn't talk to each other. She was
weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had
happened to our marriage.

But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew.
I did not love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce
agreement which stated, she could own our house, our
car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.
The woman who had spent ten years of her life with
me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her
wasted time, resources and energy but I could not
take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was
what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found
her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table
writing. I just did not care so I turned over and
was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: She didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.

Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with
our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning.

I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce,
she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared
clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mommy in his arms". His words brought me a
sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; do not tell our son about the divorce.
I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down
outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to
work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.
She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance
of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at
this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her.

For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our
sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell
Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the
month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I
could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me. She had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out
had become an essential part of his life.

My wife gestured to our son to come closer and
hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I
was afraid I might change my mind at this last
minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from
the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and
naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just
like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight
made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
I held her tightly and said, I had not noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs.....Dew opened the door...and I said to
her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my
forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into
my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us part. Dew seemed to suddenly
wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart."

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah.....

These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.
Have a real happy marriage!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow amazing story! I run to the door every night to welcome my husband home. Have done it for over 8 years now (unless I am sick). It really is the small things that are so big and important. Thank you for posting this!
    4564 days ago
  • JANAY5
    Wow that was awesome... I really liked it.. I have been married almost 9 years..
    4569 days ago
    This made me cry.Everyday my husband and I make it a point to hug and kiss (even a peck).We have been together for 7 years.He is 31 and I am 27.We have been married since July 4th 2006.We joke thats the only holiday we dont fight.I think having our own firework show every year is a bonus.Maybe its the little things that will keep the devil at bay.Thank you for sharing this.
    4571 days ago
  • DEUCE119
    Hey you Whippersnapper!! I think you read the the book of my life that I haven't even written yet.

    I did just what that man did only I didn't look back. It was the single biggest mistake of my life. Not only was my life changed but that of my kids. If I could I would change it. If I did then I wouldn't have my 2 youngest kids.
    My ex-husband is a friend these days, to me and my husband. We have 3 kids together and getting along is so much easier then fighting. We got to tie up lose ends a couple of years ago when his wife died. We said things we needed to say ans listened to one another. I hope I have learned from what I did. I have been much more thoughtful this time .

    I wish that I would have taken the time to stop and think, but I didn't. I hope that others do, it can stop alot of pain. Thanks. CAROL
    4572 days ago
    What a wonderful read. Thanks for sharing.
    4572 days ago
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