Depression Rears Its Ugly Head Again
Monday, February 16, 2009
Oh, the past 3 weeks or so have been rough, rough, rough. We're having financial trouble, bills piling up faster than I can chip away at them, teenager troubles (nothing too serious, thank G-d no one in jail or pregnant... but some school problems and quite a bit of teenage angst), etc., etc., etc. And I can't afford my ADD medicine (which, for some strange reason, also works as an antidepressant for me). So now my sleep is all messed up, and I'm depressed, and having trouble getting out of it. Friday I even had to come home early from work because I couldn't concentrate, and kept bursting out crying. I've done very little exercising, because I just want to SLEEP all the time. I did walk to and from the synagogue on Saturday (although I went to the one closer to my house instead of the one I really, really enjoy attending). And, of course, I'm snarfing down all the sweets I can get. I know, all I can do is keep trying and not give up...I've taken Wednesday off from work, and I've got a meeting planned to talk to someone about our mortgage, and I plan to make phone calls that day to other agencies who may be able to help us get through this tough time. And I know I've got to keep walking even when I don't feel like it (perhaps ESPECIALLY when I don't feel like it!), and that no one is shoving those sweets down my throat...I have to own responsibility for what I eat, and know that if I fall off the wagon now, I'll still be paying the price for it days or weeks or months down the line, long after the depression has lifted again (and it will eventually lift, it always does). I *know* all these things, but right now I *feel* horrible...as a children's book about depression says, it feels like "swimming through syrup."