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Depression Rears Its Ugly Head Again

Monday, February 16, 2009

Oh, the past 3 weeks or so have been rough, rough, rough. We're having financial trouble, bills piling up faster than I can chip away at them, teenager troubles (nothing too serious, thank G-d no one in jail or pregnant... but some school problems and quite a bit of teenage angst), etc., etc., etc. And I can't afford my ADD medicine (which, for some strange reason, also works as an antidepressant for me). So now my sleep is all messed up, and I'm depressed, and having trouble getting out of it. Friday I even had to come home early from work because I couldn't concentrate, and kept bursting out crying. I've done very little exercising, because I just want to SLEEP all the time. I did walk to and from the synagogue on Saturday (although I went to the one closer to my house instead of the one I really, really enjoy attending). And, of course, I'm snarfing down all the sweets I can get. I know, all I can do is keep trying and not give up...I've taken Wednesday off from work, and I've got a meeting planned to talk to someone about our mortgage, and I plan to make phone calls that day to other agencies who may be able to help us get through this tough time. And I know I've got to keep walking even when I don't feel like it (perhaps ESPECIALLY when I don't feel like it!), and that no one is shoving those sweets down my throat...I have to own responsibility for what I eat, and know that if I fall off the wagon now, I'll still be paying the price for it days or weeks or months down the line, long after the depression has lifted again (and it will eventually lift, it always does). I *know* all these things, but right now I *feel* horrible...as a children's book about depression says, it feels like "swimming through syrup."
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  • HRAVENROSE
    My blessings and support for yoru struggles. I hope the various agencies will help you through this time, so many other people are receiving help... I hope that you do as well.

    I understand the depression and desire to eat sweets under stress. My Inner Child part of self always feels like we need it, if there isn't enough sweetness in our life, if life feels fraught with pain... I hope you will accept whatever choices you make with love and compassion and just love yourself more.

    Ha Shem loves us so much, it is human to suffer. The Light (G-d) meets humanity in our physical being... I hope you can find moments to steal away in life and connect with the sweetness of the Light.

    Blessings and Love,
    H
    4214 days ago
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