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I'm afraid I failedIm (again)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I had learned so much from Spark. I did so well. I lost all my weight, took care of myself, made friends, drank water, and look GLOWING.
And then, life struck again.
Honestly, it is a lot to handle in a small brain; A beloved family member basically given a prognosis (at age 37), work piling up, lost so much on the stock market, son going to Middle School, no good schools around, my back is KILLING ME and my car is NO HELP but I cannot change it (how could i when all the money i saved is GONE thanks to the Stock Market), And, honestly- I am just fed up, I am tired.

It's funny, though-
4 Years ago, I felt like the Queen of Kittens- I.WAS.IT
Many people feel that way too- but they succeed.
Not I. I failed
I failed to address my issues with something other than food. or drink
I failed at not keeping track
I FAILED at ===failing, and letting it all come back.

Anyway, this year i will be 35. DREADFUL. I am alone. accompanied, maybe, but alone. I remember me putting a party together when my mom was 35. And now, here I am. Fat (again) living a life that just seems to want to mess with me forever.
I give up. I reckon is a curse. But, I will understand that it is not that life makes of me , but what I make of It.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FIREMERMAID
    Girlie, I've been loosing and gaining the same 20..lately 30 lbs over and over and over! I have been on sparks for almost 3 years and in the meantine lost all the weight, then gained it back plus some. I didn't despair tho because at least i knew I had sparks, and Knew how to do it, so I am back at it again..back at square one..but it sure doesn't feel like square 1 anymore since i know how to count cals, i know i have to work out for an hour 5 days a week, eat whole wheat everything so i'm not hungry and eat lots of fruits and veggies! I'm more at square 30 lol. I know how to work hard now, compared to how i behaved before sparks.

    So here I am reloosing it AGAIN, for the LAST time ever. I'm focusing everything inside me on learning a healthy lifestyle. My whole life the women in my family have modeled eating crappy, and crash dieting, and chain smoking cigarettes. I have been struggling to get rid of rid of all my lame addictions (food & cigs) and sometimes I break down and have a smoke, or I'll eat bad, but we can't EVER give up. We have to keep fighting! That's what life is all about, getting up, dusting yourself off and giving it another go. You're a survivor girl, you can do this sh!t I believe in you!
    4198 days ago
  • JENNYHUCKABEE
    Honestky you just have to take it one day at a time. Life has its funny ways of kicking us when we are down, just finally got over one speed bump. Just remember there is always a reason for whatever happens to us... sometimes its not as apparent. Be thankful you have a son, who may not like you right now because he is in Middle School, but just take things one day at a time! I am fighting to loose weight so I can get pregnant, just remember to look at the brighter side of life it will eventually smooth out! emoticon
    4235 days ago
  • BAMACHICK39
    You can't give up. Life is to wonderful to give up. God gives you each day. You must not give up. God will give you strength and he would not put on you no more then you can bare. Life is only what you make of it. I get upset at myself at times but I must not give up. I pray that you will not give up on yourself and that the Lord will give you the strength to get through this, I am here for you if you need someone to talk to. May God bless you and guide you.
    4236 days ago
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