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Thursday, May 07, 2009

This is just a boost for myself as I am struggling a little. But maybe it will help others as well.

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Here something you might like to pass along to your chapters. It's mostly pertains to backsliders
[This is most of us.] Here goes..............


Well, here I am, 250 pounds of pure happiness. Listen I have so much fun at TOPS, honey---the meetings are great, etc. Of course, I could have a lot more fun if I hadn't had to watch my weight, ill out food charts, listen to lectures. They're all right, I guess, but I've heard it all so many times before. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. But I'm sure you all know me. I've been in TOPS 4 or 5 years. They really should give me an award. .I've lost enough weight to have a twin sister here beside me. I may weigh 10 pounds more than when I joined but I've certainly enjoyed myself. You know how it is -- sometimes I think the food just jumps on me. As the old saying goes: There'smore of me to love. And those silly calorie charts we're supposed to keep --- I'm just too busy for that. I fake it most of the time, and fill them out at the end of the week. My husband can't understand why I don't lose -- He tells everyone I eat like a bird. Boy, can I give you some tips! You see, I eat very small meals, and then I sneak into the kitchen later and have a few snacks. The trick
Is to eat only quite foods like marshmallows, bread and peanut butter. I keep some goodies under the bed too. Remember, though potato chips or crackers won't work -- too noisy. My way, nobody will ever know but me. We do have ball in TOPS though. Don’t we? Oh, I know, I don't get to all the meetings, but you understand how busy life is. And I do have to leave right after weigh-in a lot of the times to get to a banquet or party, but that's because of my husband's business. And then there are the holidays. Well the reason I don't come to meetings after those is because I know I gained weight. Hey remember that time I said I gained because I had company and one of you said, "What did you do, eat them?" That was so funny, I cried myself to sleep that night -- but I don't want to think about that. But seriously, folks, I'd be a better member if I weren't so busy. I'm really very lucky. I have a beautiful home, a terrifically understanding husband and four wonderful children. My husband is so good to me. We go out to eat fairly often. Of course, it's usually for business dinners
And boy is there lots of good food at those business dinners. I'd like to do some sort of meaningful work outside my home, like at school for the kids. But the children say the school has more volunteers than it needs. I used to drive them to school and pick them up but now they tell me they'd rather walk because it's healthier. My son doesn't even want me to bother going to his ball games. He says I need that time to rest. He's so considerate. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I wonder if the children are just pushing me away because they are ashamed of my weight. But then I just sit down with some cake and coffee and tell myself that's ridiculous. You want to hear the sad truth? Deep down inside sometimes I just want to die. I'm so ashamed of my weakness that I not only kid myself, but I shut out the people who could help me..... My TOPS members. I know you're all fed up with me and I don't blame you. I know what you thinking about me. How I should quit and make room for someone who will really try. How I stay home when I've gained and only come to meetings when I lose. Everything you're ever said about me, I've said to myself a million times.
Finally it comes down to one thing --FEAR. I am so afraid to really commit myself to losing weight, because once I do, it will be up to me to get the job done. And I'm afraid I'm not enough of a person to handle it. I'm afraid to fail. PLEASE don't give up on me. I need you more than you will ever know. If I don't volunteer for jobs, appoint me. If I don't call during the week, call me. Please don't let me use all those silly excuses. Make me face the truth, don't humor me. Maybe knowing you have faith in me will give me the strength I need. Force me to be the kind of person I can be. Don't let me quit TOPS. Please help me make it -- one day at a time --- one meal at a time ---- a pound at a time. Just think how great if would be if I could go the next meeting and show a loss. More than anything on earth I want to stand onstage, in white, to receive my diploma as a KOPS. Are you this person?
Are you this forgotten member? Do you need help? REMEMBER - Knowing what you want to be makes deciding what to do a lot easier. It's all up to you!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LUCHEYSGIRL
    Wow. You just put it all out there. But in your journey it needed to be said and accounted for. I am not a part of anything (other than SP) but I have tried the writing things down, and always failed. You sound like an emotional eater, like me. There is just something that feels so good about eating those "forbidden" foods. But I am trying something new to deal with that issue. Talking. I'm seeing a councler for myself and then my husband and I are seeing a marriage councler (we have a good marriage, but would love for it to be great). Together we are learning so much about ourselves.

    It's hard. The hardest thing ever to do, but have faith. There is always someone out there who is willing to help, you just have to ask.
    4356 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    I went to TOPS for years, and did the same thing. It isn't about failture, it is about INSULIN RESISTANCE and eating sugar/carbs and having cravings. I've learned so much from reading ARTHUR AGATSTON, M.D.'s book "The South Beach Diet" and now his book "The South Beach Heart Health." It isn't a fancy "diet book" but he developed the diet to help his cardiology patients lose weight. You are probably Insulin Resistant like me. The books are well worth reading. He is a Professor at the U. of Miami medical school and so the diet was just developed fo his patients. The "book" came from people wanting him to write down the diet.
    There is an answer to this and we don't have to stay here and get Diabetes.
    4356 days ago
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