MY FREAKISH SCALE ATTACHMENT...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Hello. My name is Sarah... And I am a scale-a-holic.
I am a very open person. I have talked about my weight issues, my food and exercise in great detail, my marriage issues and even my bad track record in cleaning and organizing. All of them have left me vulnerable and at the same time allowed all my friends here on SP to be able to pour into my life with their little bits of wisdom. But I have been avoiding this topic of the scale. It's gotten pretty bad lately. It seems that I cannot do things in moderation - it always turns to excess. That is the case with my scale.
I bought this new scale because my old one was digital and got when when my bathroom floor got flooded (tub overflow issue). We had one of those little $5 cheapies and it was totally inaccurate - told me I was 289 when I was at 303. Threw that puppy away then and there. And then there was this new scale... Tempered glass top and oil-rubbed bronze underneath (which could be seen through the top). Very pretty and I got it to match my new upstairs bathroom. It's digital and very accurate.
For a long time I wouldn't step on a scale at all. I feared what it would spit back at me - a weight I didn't want to admit. But now Mr. Scale and I are great buddies. I step on him every day... 3, 4, 7, 8 times a day... and I do justify it in my mind.
I step on the scale every morning to check my weight. No clothes. Go to the bathroom first. But sometimes if it doesn't give me the amount I was expecting I wait 5 minutes and step back on. Or maybe another 10 and step back on. Or maybe 3 times in the span of 3 minutes, just hoping that third number will be more "accurate" than the others. Then I go and workout. I eat something before I workout and I drink about 1/2 liter of water while working out. Then I go home and wait a few hours or so until I have to go to the bathroom and then I run back upstairs and strip down again and weigh myself. It's usually lower by at least a pound or so - which I believe is probably cuz I workout fairly hard. Then as I eat through the day I keep weighing myself to make sure I am not gaining too much with each meal, each time stripping down to nothing (yes, I get undressed and redressed many times a day). And lastly, before I get in bed at night I take it all off once again and step on the scale to see how much I have gained through the day. If I didn't eat much I might break even from the morning - or even lose a few ounces. I go to bed with a smile then. And in the morning I look forward to seeing the difference between my night weight and my new morning weight. My friend Christina thinks I focus way to much on the scale - and she only knows about the every morning and occasional night weigh ins... if she knew the details she might call a shrink on me or schedule an intervention and take my beloved scale away!
I know that I need to somehow wean myself off of the scale use. It's like an addiction to me and I don't want it to be anymore. I relate it to running. When I focus on how tired I am my feet start to slap on the treadmill and I feel like I can barely lift my legs, which feel like weights. When I focus on staying positive and telling myself little things like, "C'mon Sarah, only one mile to go" or "Just get to the next 1/4 mile", I find that I can run with a bounce in my step and many times I get an extra burst of energy and can even run at faster speeds than usual. It's the same way with the scale. I believe that the excitement of seeing a lower number - at any time of day - was helping to propel me forward and stay with it. But now I think it may be dragging me down and causing stress. I believe that if I didn't use the scale SO often I might actually lose MORE weight. Does that make any sense? Are there any studies done on that idea? Any stats someone would like to share? I still think that weighing every morning would be fine... but would it really stop there? I don't know if I would stop at once a day. I really think I need to do something more drastic.
I think I need to weigh in on my normal day (friday morning) and then not weigh again until Wednesday morning next week (only because my BL challenge group has a wednesday weigh in - otherwise I'd go until next friday). It's going to be really hard to do this. It's such a strange attachment and I feel like such a freak. So I had to get it out. I have been like this in the past... but then I stopped weighing and gained a bunch of weight EVERY TIME so you can see my apprehension. My hope is that a week or two with only weighing once on Wednesday and once on Friday will free me from the stress of NEEDING the scale to be lower SO MANY TIMES a day.
I am a little afraid of what you all will say and I am very afraid of me without a scale. But I think I can do it??!?!?!??? Ugh...
On a little bit brighter note - yesterday I did change around my dinner and end up at a good calorie amount - and today I am headed for middle of my calorie range. I made a peanut butter banana protein shake when I got home from the gym that was high in calories (cuz of PB and protein powder) but it was delicious and high in protein. I hope this will help me out with my loss this week.