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Angry girl musings...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

One down, 5 more to go...

Well, maybe 5 more. When all of this first started, my onco said that I was in for 4 more rounds of chemo (Ixempra and Avastin this time). During my appointment today, she said that it could be 6. She is hopeful and I am hopeful. She was very pleased that I have started up walking 30 minutes a day. Little does she know that it used to be a regular part of my life. The difference now is that instead of doing a Leslie Sansone DVD, I am walking up and down the hills surrounding my brother's house -- which is a big challenge. The new chemo drugs can cause damage to my heart, so I am determined to make my heart stronger. I am not giving this chemo or this cancer a reason to beat me up. Like I said before, this may be an "angry cancer," but I am definitely an "angry" girl. I was supposed to be post surgery and doing radiation by now and I am definitely not happy that my schedule has been thrown off.
My friend bought a ticket for me to see Depeche Mode in September and now I am unable to use it. I was supposed to be better and back in Florida by then. I am not a happy girl about that one... Of course, I realize that my health is more important than a concert.

Cancer sucks... My friends are off seeing Duran Duran in parts west of where I am. That should be me. I have written a presentation for the first ever Florida Summit on Childhood Deafness and someone else will have to present it for me. I missed my rental kid's college graduation. My fingernails and toenails have turned some gawd-awful purpley-black color. I'm finally getting hair back and the new chemo will probably make it fall out.

Being with my family during my treatment -- not so bad. I was here for the birth of my second nephew and he continues to grow and change every day. He smiles when he sees me -- and I am a sucker and pick him up every time he cries (well, not every time, but often enough). My bigger nephew enjoys cooking with me on Saturday mornings -- anything that has to do with mashing bananas. We found a new fruit the other day in the grocery store (a black apricot) that WE decided to get so that we could have a tasting. Sometimes, when he is sharing news, he can't decide who he wants to tell first -- and I am in the mix of that. When I am feeling sick, he is quick to give me a feel-better kiss. I am blessed to have this family. I truly am.

Cancer still sucks... I am so glad that I have so many things to offset that. Hey, I got a concert call on Saturday night and got to hear Save A Prayer all the way from California. I wanted to be there. I would have been there. But I have wonderful friends who took me there in their hearts and shared a snippet of the show.

*end of musings*
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    Hang in there Dawn!
    4119 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4533375
    Yes cancer truly does suck! It tries to invade every part of our lives to become the only thing in our lives. I am so happy you have a wonderful family and friends to help you beat it back. Stay strong. Get stronger. We will beat this! emoticon
    4122 days ago
    I agree with you, cancer DOES suck!

    I was thinking that earlier today, frustrated because I thought I was going to be done with physical therapy this week, only to find out my therapist wants me to do a few more weeks, but I can't if I'm going to be getting radiation again, which I won't find out til at least next week. I was wishing today I could just quit this whole cancer thing! I don't mean give up on life, or trying to beat it. No, I was wishing I could just magically make it all go away, and not have to deal with any more treatment, or the long term side effects from my previous radiation and chemo.

    But I know if you can do more chemo, I can certainly "put on my big girl pants" and do a few more weeks of PT, and I will do the radiation too if that is what my doctors think is the best for me. I was almost going to skip visiting my teams tonight, because I was so tired, but I'm glad I did; because I needed to read your blog tonight, it really put things in perspective for me, I realize that I have things pretty good right now, and I still have so much to be thankful for.
    4123 days ago
  • CAROLYN0107
    You are a SURVIVOR!! God bless and keep you as you go through our treatment.
    4123 days ago
    Girl, I had my heart in my throat reading this......
    but you are tougher than that" angry" cancer trying to kick your butt.... We will all be together for the next round of DD shows.
    I'm excited that you are doing the hills around your family's house, that is an awesome workout.....strong heart=strong body to fight that cancer... we are all pulling for you to kick it out once and for all....
    4123 days ago
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