A revelation into my own brain...
Monday, November 02, 2009
I used to think that eventually I'd reach the point where I could "just have a bite." Or "just have one cookie". Or "just a small piece of cake." And I still hope that someday I will be able to do that......but not today... or tomorrow.
I've realized (the hard way) that for right now, my life is vastly easier if I just don't start. Saying "no" to the first bite is 100 times easier for me than saying "no" to the second bite, and the third bite. Once I taste that sugar (or chocolate)...I'm a goner. So I'm working hard to just not start that horrendous conflict within myself....and self-loathing and fury at the end of the splurge.
And it's working for me. A simple example: Halloween: My dh brought me 3 mini-candy bars from his stash (which I had purchased and put in his office without snitching even one). I thought about "hiding the 3 mini-bars from myself in a drawer" until I really, really wanted them. That would last about 10 minutes. Then after I'd eaten my 3, I'd be over at his office ransacking his cupboard for more. And then I'd be really ticked off.
So instead I immediately took them right back to the "secret" cupboard and put them back in the sack. And it was easy. But if I'd eaten even one...I'd be eating "just one more" all day. And mad at myself (and the rest of the world)...all day.
I have more control of what I eat if I Don't Eat The First One. That's the only one I have to think about....Just The First One.