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CAROLYN1213

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Birthday Blog

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Yes, I am excited to be celebrating my birthday this year!!! I have much to celebrate! I am happier and healthier than I have ever been! This time last year my blood pressure was through the roof! I had just been put on blood pressure medication because my doctor was concerned that I would have a stroke. Having a cardio vascular scare over a questionable stress test results was not fun. I was quite disappointed in myself for not taking better care of the mother of my children, the wife of my husband, the daughter of my parents, the sister of my brother, the aunt of my nieces, the best friend of Kim and Pam. I started a walking program to help me get healthier for the people who care about me, to ease their little minds. A couple weeks into my walking I started having trouble with plantar fascitis (sp?). I shortened the distance of my walks, I bought better shoes, nothing seemed to help. So, I gave up on my walking. After resting, icing, elevating, blah, blah, blah, my foot was worse and I finally went to the doctor. To make this story shorter, I did months of physical therapy and got cortisone shots in my heal. I did see some improvement but was afraid to start walking because I didn't want to hurt anymore. It just seemed easier to accept that I was obese and needed medication, than it was to do something about it. As the months went by I started having some digestive issues, breathing problems at night and insomnia. I resisted going back to the doctor to be diagnosed with GERD, sleep apnea, etc. I knew the answer to these problems were inside me, not in a medicine bottle.

I went and bought the Wii Fit program for the Wii that we got for Christmas last year. When I first got the Wii Fit in June 2009, I could only stand on it for six minutes. My feet and legs would ache just from standing and doing balance work. Each time I stepped on the Wii, I'd try to stay just one minute longer. After just a couple weeks I was seeing a little weight loss but nothing consistent.

In July 2009, I started riding my bike for three miles five days a week. I started packing my lunch every day and spent my lunch break sitting by the lake meditating and praying through some issues from my past that I had not dealt with well. The very issues that I allowed to control my emotions and my feelings about myself. About this time, I had the supreme gift of being able to see myself through the eyes of a compassionate God and a loving friend who wanted only the very best for me. For ME! Why me? I'm damaged, I've made some really stupid mistakes, I have hurts deeper than anyone knows I have. Simply, I don't deserve to be loved or forgiven.

I cannot tell you exactly when that lightbulb moment happened, it was a three month process of learning to see myself as lovable, as worth the effort. I realized that all the hurts that others caused in my life, paled in comparison to the continued hurts I put on my heart, soul and body on a daily basis. I daily told myself, in my actions, that I was not worth being cared for.

When that light bulb went off, it changed my life. I started, vigilantly working on cleaning up my diet, caring for myself. Loving myself daily in the way I would love and care for a sweet friend or family member. Wanting only the best for myself, the way I only want the best for my children (I'm someone's child). Wanting to be free to forgive myself and others in a healthy way that does not involve stuffing down my feelings or denying my desire for love.

Suddenly, the weight started dropping, like I had put down baggage that did not belong to me. Suddenly I'm eating very wholesome foods, getting fresh air and riding that bicycle everywhere! I feel goood! I look gooood! And I am worth it! Because I am loved!

Updates:
Since June 2009
Lost 57 lbs.
Rode bicycle 23 miles every Saturday in Aug, Sept, Oct.
Rode my bike 8 miles a day 5 days a week until end of Oct.
Started C25k program in end of Oct.
Training to run a half marathon
Workout with a trainer two days a week
Run three days a week
Do Wii Active or 30 Day Shred three days a week
Eat whole and healthy foods 7 days a week

I am so thankful to be so healthy, so happy and to feel so whole at the age of 44! So, Happy Birthday to me!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ALYFITN
    This is beautiful. I went back through your blogs for inspiration. This one is pivotal.
    2983 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4811290
    emoticon Happy belated birthday!! emoticon
    What a great year you had, and I wish you another great, healthy and happy year together with your loved ones!
    emoticon
    3929 days ago
  • DAYHIKER
    What an awesome journey, Carolyn!! emoticon Though I am late to the party, Happy Birthday emoticon Thanks for your comment on my blog post and for adding me as a emoticon

    Cindy emoticon
    3929 days ago
  • LADYSNOWFALL
    Happy Birthday!

    I hear what you're saying. I went through something similar about 5 years ago (different medical issues- ie, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis), but didn't make the connection to my weight loss at the time. I'd just been through a horrible, horrible break up that turned my small world upside down. But, I over came and I persevered.

    Then, I met the love of my life, got married and tragedy struck us. I got off track, became depressed and got lost. Now, I'm on my path back, but I've made the connection and I'm connecting the dots this time so that I will succeed!
    3930 days ago
  • NEWFLABULESS
    What a wonderful story--thanks so much for sharing with us. Good Job on finding the inner strength to take care of yourself and become a healthier and happier being.
    April
    3931 days ago
  • MO-MARY
    Happy Birthday! Looks like you had an awesome year; no doubt that it only gets better from here! Congratulations!
    3931 days ago
  • MKPRINCESS007
    Happy Birthday,girlfriend! You DO DESERVE all of the best that life has to offer, and I am so glad that you finally decided to care for yourself and be kind to yourself. You have been through an amazing journey toward health and fitness and I APPLAUD your efforts. As we grow and evolve, we need to realize that taking care of ourselves is life long and part of treating our bodies like the temple that they are.

    Happy day, and I wish you another year of good health and wellness! :)
    3931 days ago
  • LALAFLOWERS
    Happy Birthday! You've walked a hard path this last year... and I wish you a much easier path this coming year! I am so proud of you, and the changes you've made in your life. Enjoy every day! L
    3931 days ago
  • FLORIDASUN
    Happy birthday sweet Carolyn...my little Sagittarius buddy!

    I hope your day is as bright and as beautiful as you are! I always beam from ear to ear when I see a post from you because I know it will be full of support, love, and encouragement and your own heartfelt life story sharing relating to my heart in return!

    You have come a LONG WAYS baby...and I'm so proud of you! What a wonderful journey of health and happiness we share as we walk down this pathway together!

    God bless and keep you happy, safe, and full of love! emoticon emoticon

    oh...and by the way that is a completely sugar free RAW cupcake...just for you!
    3931 days ago
  • JUST_SIMONE
    Happy birthday to you! I loved what you said about caring for the mother of your children, your husband's wife, etc. I also started my weight loss journey with huge amounts of baggage (I suspect many of us do), and losing weight has been a therapeutic process of getting rid of baggage. Congratulations for your success and personal growth!
    3931 days ago
  • NEXTYEAR
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Wow! You really did a turn around! Congratulations!
    3931 days ago
  • SPUD1226
    What a difference a year makes. Imagine where you'll be one year from now.
    Happy Birthday
    3931 days ago
  • NC-PAM
    Just so you know how much of a difference one person can make, your words made me cry today. I've always known that my weight issues are directly related to emotional baggage that I deal with every day. It's still a work in progress for me to learn to love myself and consider myself worth it but reading words like those you expressed here certainly make me really think hard about it. Thanks so much for posting this today!
    3931 days ago
  • THERESEMB1
    Wow that is incredible, my name is Therese and I am a member of the class of Sept-Oct team and not too many of the members of that team seem to post or huddle with each other. I am looking for people that began do this about the same time as I did for encouragement and support. I got your blog off the team page. I needed to read what you wrote today just to be encouraged not to give up. Thank you, namaste
    3931 days ago
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