Sunday, December 13, 2009
Yes, I am excited to be celebrating my birthday this year!!! I have much to celebrate! I am happier and healthier than I have ever been! This time last year my blood pressure was through the roof! I had just been put on blood pressure medication because my doctor was concerned that I would have a stroke. Having a cardio vascular scare over a questionable stress test results was not fun. I was quite disappointed in myself for not taking better care of the mother of my children, the wife of my husband, the daughter of my parents, the sister of my brother, the aunt of my nieces, the best friend of Kim and Pam. I started a walking program to help me get healthier for the people who care about me, to ease their little minds. A couple weeks into my walking I started having trouble with plantar fascitis (sp?). I shortened the distance of my walks, I bought better shoes, nothing seemed to help. So, I gave up on my walking. After resting, icing, elevating, blah, blah, blah, my foot was worse and I finally went to the doctor. To make this story shorter, I did months of physical therapy and got cortisone shots in my heal. I did see some improvement but was afraid to start walking because I didn't want to hurt anymore. It just seemed easier to accept that I was obese and needed medication, than it was to do something about it. As the months went by I started having some digestive issues, breathing problems at night and insomnia. I resisted going back to the doctor to be diagnosed with GERD, sleep apnea, etc. I knew the answer to these problems were inside me, not in a medicine bottle.
I went and bought the Wii Fit program for the Wii that we got for Christmas last year. When I first got the Wii Fit in June 2009, I could only stand on it for six minutes. My feet and legs would ache just from standing and doing balance work. Each time I stepped on the Wii, I'd try to stay just one minute longer. After just a couple weeks I was seeing a little weight loss but nothing consistent.
In July 2009, I started riding my bike for three miles five days a week. I started packing my lunch every day and spent my lunch break sitting by the lake meditating and praying through some issues from my past that I had not dealt with well. The very issues that I allowed to control my emotions and my feelings about myself. About this time, I had the supreme gift of being able to see myself through the eyes of a compassionate God and a loving friend who wanted only the very best for me. For ME! Why me? I'm damaged, I've made some really stupid mistakes, I have hurts deeper than anyone knows I have. Simply, I don't deserve to be loved or forgiven.
I cannot tell you exactly when that lightbulb moment happened, it was a three month process of learning to see myself as lovable, as worth the effort. I realized that all the hurts that others caused in my life, paled in comparison to the continued hurts I put on my heart, soul and body on a daily basis. I daily told myself, in my actions, that I was not worth being cared for.
When that light bulb went off, it changed my life. I started, vigilantly working on cleaning up my diet, caring for myself. Loving myself daily in the way I would love and care for a sweet friend or family member. Wanting only the best for myself, the way I only want the best for my children (I'm someone's child). Wanting to be free to forgive myself and others in a healthy way that does not involve stuffing down my feelings or denying my desire for love.
Suddenly, the weight started dropping, like I had put down baggage that did not belong to me. Suddenly I'm eating very wholesome foods, getting fresh air and riding that bicycle everywhere! I feel goood! I look gooood! And I am worth it! Because I am loved!
Since June 2009
Lost 57 lbs.
Rode bicycle 23 miles every Saturday in Aug, Sept, Oct.
Rode my bike 8 miles a day 5 days a week until end of Oct.
Started C25k program in end of Oct.
Training to run a half marathon
Workout with a trainer two days a week
Run three days a week
Do Wii Active or 30 Day Shred three days a week
Eat whole and healthy foods 7 days a week
I am so thankful to be so healthy, so happy and to feel so whole at the age of 44! So, Happy Birthday to me!!!