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From Anorexic to Obese

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I have this problem: I do not have, nor have I ever had a realistic idea of my body. This probably comes as a result of having anorexia for over 20 years...anorexics think (REALLY think) they are fat and cannot see the truth, even when looking in a mirror. I still have this problem, but now it's kind of in reverse. I don't really understand how BIG I've gotten and yet I fear that I am REALLY, REALLY big. For example, I'll see someone in a store who probably weighs 300 or 400 pounds and I wonder if I look like that. The only way I can see the truth (a little bit) is by looking at a photo. When I see a picture of myself, I am appalled: This LARGE lady is me?? You have to understand what a shock it is to find myself at more than double the weight I was for many many years. To go from a size one pants to wearing a size 16 or 18 is really hard to integrate. No wonder I feel lost in my body.

I wonder if this is a common reason for obesity. Do other overweight people have a hard time understanding their true weight and how they appear to others? The thing that has been really hard for me is being on medications which both increase my appetite and also give me "more bang for my buck"...in other words, I really do not eat as much as you would expect that I do by looking at me. My metabolism has slowed to a crawl. This is also caused by inactivity due to illness and pain. But don't get me wrong, I have been overeating as well.

Another thing left over from my anorexic days is the shame I feel about my body and about eating. This makes it hard to enjoy food. Even healthy, good-for-you food. I was never treated properly for my eating disorder....I had too many other issues going on and it got shadowed by them...so I guess I still have many of the same thought patterns and dysfunctional habits to overcome.

Does Spark address any of these?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think everyone has trouble knowing how they appear to others, so you're not alone in that. I think the important step is realizing this is an issue for you, and it sounds like you're really doing a fabulous job with your lifestyle changes!
    3885 days ago
    The best thing about this site is that you get support regardless of your problems. Be patient with yourself and just try. I've had borderline eating disorders all my life and I'm just now starting to deal with them properly. I feel guilty a lot of days, but as long as you try to convince yourself to stay in the calorie limitation, then you'll make progress. Oh, and exercise the recommended amount instead of too much or too little. I'm learning about moderation on this site and I hope you can too. Good luck!
    3887 days ago
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