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Sick and Disgusted

Saturday, February 06, 2010

I have a friend. She is someone that I had not been in contact with for years, but who showed up in my hospital room during my last admission and who has been back during this one, almost everyday. That's a good friend, right? To come and sit for hours a day with a sick friend? Yes....BUT, she continually comes with shopping bags full of "stash"....treats, yummy gooey, chocolate things, Cheesy curly things, ....when I complained and told her of my efforts to stop doing stuff like that, she "complied" by bringing "healthy stash"....dark chocolate, licorice, dark chocolate covered raisins, fruit, wraps....and on and on. I've threatoned to ban her from my room, but she laughingly persists. Oh she is helpful and does her share of eating the "stash" while we sit here for those long hours, but that does little to lighten my load of guilt.

And guilty I am. Last night, in a medicated oblivion I put away a chocolate bar and a package of licorice....This morning it sits in my stomach in a nauseating lump and I want nothing more than to purge it from my system. This cannot be good. In any way shape or form. I know that the fault is only partially hers. I should have stuck to my guns; I should have pitched the whole load of crap in the garbage...but I didn't. Instead, I became the garbage receptacle and now feel like garbage as a result. I am finding that I don't even LIKE the taste of that s*** anymore and am craving only healthy things instead.....but with my stomach so full of these empty calories, there was no room for the veggies I had stashed in the patient fridge for my snack last night.

I need a fresh start. Which can be arranged. But she told me that she would be back....both today and tomorrow. I do not want to wound her; or make her feel like the glutton she is....I've really tried to be serious and to tell her to cut it out and she laughingly defers. What can I do? She is my devil. But I know that ultimately, I am responsible for the choices of what I put into my mouth. Maybe I can make myself remember this nauseated feeling and taste of failure that I am now experiencing and can hold fast. I don't know. But something's got to give.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks for all the good advice. The real challenge here, more than managing my friend's attempts to gluttonize, is to be sure in and of myself that this is a direction I choose not to walk in any longer. I have to somehow find the inner resolve necessary to state my desires and to make them firm and immovable. Yes, you are right...I need to speak into being what will be my truth from now on.
    4006 days ago
    I agree with all the advice here ... kudos.

    How about this? Let's turn the situation on its head. Could this be a blessing? Perhaps, God/Universe is giving you the opportunity to "Find Your Voice." In this journey, we are re-birthing ourselves - becoming someone new. That takes courage and stamina, and often many Firm Declarations. So ... you are being given a chance to claim what you want, to say what Will Be. "Thank you for visiting me. It is nice to ease some of the boring down-time with a good friend like you. But, I insist -- no more goodies. I want your company, but no more chocolate or candy. Thank you, but I won't be eating that way again, and I KNOW you don't want to jeopardize my health with sugars and foods that are not good for me." Then, what? Shove the pile back in a bag perhaps?

    Just a thought. Be strong .. BE the you that you want to become. Use your voice, use your strength, you have every right to the life you want and if it 'hurts' other people's feelings.. well, they will get over it as you practice more and more. Yes?
    4006 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/7/2010 5:39:26 PM
    Jeeze Louise... like you don't have enough trouble!

    Yeah, this one needs to be dealt with. She's jealous of your decision to choose health... and you absolutely are within your rights to say anything you want about it... Doctor's orders? Yep. You are the physician of your own health. You're allergic? Is there any doubt that our bodies react badly to crummy food?

    You may have to develop an allergy to her perfume and her tone.

    How about let US at her?... give us her number!

    And feel better soon, 'kay?
    4007 days ago
    Enlist the nurses help! Have them tell her that she can't bring you food, that it's hospital policy or that it changes your recoverability or whatever.
    4007 days ago
  • PATTK1220
    Your friend does not sound like a friend. She is not respecting your wishes nor is she supporting your efforts. Being in the hospital is not the time or place to have a frank discussion, and maybe you don't want to do that. I know I avoid those kinds of discussions whenever I can. Perhaps you could enlist the assistance of the nursing staff. They are so good about helping patients survive the well intended but unwanted gifts visitors often bring patients. I hope your recovery goes well and that you are able to go home soon.
    4007 days ago
    Can you make it dr's orders? People like that who overstep personal boundaries you set up bug me. I would simply not eat any of it, and insist she takes it back with her. It takes willpower, but its obvious that she doesn't listen.
    4008 days ago
    she sounds Like she's trying to be nice but she also needs to respect the fact that your trying to reach a goal and temptation can ruin that for you.I know all about the guilt but Keep trying and keep on the right track.You did the right thing by telling her.Good Luck
    4008 days ago
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