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As the world turns...

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Well...life changes. After staying most of my days and nights in Jan. with my dad, he passed away 2 weeks ago. I stayed in his room at the Hospice Center and had the privilege of caressing his face, head and hands as he finally gave up his fierce battle to stay alive and breathed his last breath. What an honor to feel his spirit move on .......

I ate out 3 times daily and stayed on the program. (no emotional eating until today when I had a minor melt-down). Tried to keep up the 10k steps/day..but being awakened every 2 hrs throughout the night and difficulty returning to sleep left me pretty exhausted. Only gained a couple of pounds though and now they're gone again.

Seems like grief falls into 3 categories:
1) The things that were, that you are now missing;
2) The things that we wanted to be, but weren't;
3) The things we want, but we fear will never be.

Time to turn to the things I can control...like what I eat and how much (or little) I move my body.

As I was planning my first day home, I listed what needed to be done. I had the most radical thought I've ever had!

First, I had to get my financial info updated & organized for taxes immediately. Then I heard myself saying, "And you have to devote a couple of hours to exercise TODAY. Exercise is just as important as the very most important thing on your list." Say what???!!!?? Since when??!!!!

I had to absolutely force myself outside on Friday for a snowshoe hike. My body did not want to go. But we (my body & I) went..and I made it up the first steep mountain and on to another steep mountain. Then enjoyed the beautiful view over the valley looking toward the Continental Divide of the Rockies.

After a 2+ hour hike (burning 924 calories), I heard myself saying, "What if you had talked yourself out of this and missed this incredible experience...a magnificent day, clear blue sky, "diamonds" reflecting off the snow, the view, peaceful solitude, all the wildlife tracks...what a loss that would have been!!!" There's nothing like this inside that house on the sofa and there never will be!

That memory will motivate me again this week. The hardest part is getting the layers of clothing on and getting out the door. From then on...it's magnificent! Just Do It!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KYANN402
    I know you'll miss your dad. It's good you had those last days with him. They will become part of the all the good memories that will help to fill hole the loss created. Your beautiful surroundings, your commitment to your own well-being and appreciation of every day are healing balms that you can rely on. You're a strong, inspiring woman.

    3881 days ago
  • S318830
    I'm so sorry to hear about your father. But I'm glad you were able to be with him at the end.

    And nice job on turning to exercise through everything. It's easy to talk yourself out of it when you have so many things going on, but you're right... there's so much of life you'd be missing out on if you did.
    3887 days ago
    So sorry for your loss. Even when you know it's coming and it's for the best, it's hard. My daddy passed in 1983 and my mom in 1994. Their passing left an emptiness inside that has never gone away. Having other things to focus on helps a lot. You seem to be doing good. Keep it up! I haven't been going out much because of the cold weather here and there you are snowshoe hiking! I really have to admire you. emoticon emoticon
    3901 days ago
    Yes!! Just Do It!!! Great Blog, my friend! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon I LOVE your attitude!
    ....and I am sorry about your father's passing.....((hugs))

    love ~ Laura
    3905 days ago
    I am sorry to hear about the passing of your father. Having been through it with my mom, I know it's a blessing that he is no longer suffering. Great insight you have. And WTG on the hike!
    3905 days ago
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I remember towards the end of my grandmother's fight with cancer how little pieces of her disappeared until there was nothing left. I'm so glad to hear that you are coping so well and have made yourself a priority. : ) I put "work out" on my to-do list everyday to keep up with it.

    ((hugs)) I wish you all the best and I'm sending good thoughts your way.
    3907 days ago
    This entry is so very inspirational for me. I've been cocooning because of the cold weather, but I'm disappointed with myself and reading this has really helped. I'm getting back at it tomorrow.

    I so impressed with your strength not only how you handled the last days with your dad but how you are coping now. It's funny because after almost 4 years I think I must think of my dad at least once ever day still. I miss him. I always will I guess even though I know death is just a natural part of life.

    I have nothing like the landscape you enjoy right outside your front door. I live in a city with high rise building, traffic, etc. but I can still get out for a walk! Or make time to get to the gym... if you can do it... I can do it!
    3909 days ago
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