The Ravenous Lion is on the Loose
Monday, February 08, 2010
I have determined that what is going on is that all of the IV steroids they've been pumping into me, have finally had "that" effect that I knew was coming: ravenous appetite. Up until now I was relatively safe; not feeling well enough to really want to eat and having no trouble leaving meal trays untouched or partially full... But in the past two or three days, that has changed. Suddenly, I am LOOKING FORWARD to that tray with it's plastic covers and lids and plastic utensil set. Heck, it's all I can do not to pole vault out of my bed and tackle the server as they meander down toward my room with their rumbly cart.
When visitors show up with goodies, what would have turned me off two days ago, now lights a spark in my eye and my hands begin the feeding frenzy of their own volition. This all infuriates and embarrasses me. EVEN though I KNOW what is causing it, I feel like I am being taken advantage or sabotaged by my own body. Suddenly, my appetite has turned traitor and my usual supply of self restraint s greatly compromised. (COMRPROMISED?? Heck, it's turned tail and run out of the building!)
I know that the best I can hope for at this point is to limit the damage as much as possible...to try to stand my ground instead of running with the hunger and letting it have its way. I know that drinking a lot of water will help because it will bloat me up and make me feel fuller than I am. The biggest challenge will be mental: to try to forestall the self hatred and angry disgust that eating like this elicits in me...There's got to be some kind of balance of sympathy and tolerance for something that is by and large, out of my control--mingled with a resolve to keep this lion within bounds and only feed it at feeding times. To maintain my motivation to overcome this set back will be one of my greatest challenges.
What do you think? How "tolerant" of my feeding frenzy should I be? How much should I limit my self castigation and control? I don't want to allow this to become a blank check that will excuse every gluttonous urge that comes along, but neither is there any point in hammering myself with blame and failure.... Any ideas that may work in limiting this damage would be welcome. :)