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The Ravenous Lion is on the Loose

Monday, February 08, 2010

I have determined that what is going on is that all of the IV steroids they've been pumping into me, have finally had "that" effect that I knew was coming: ravenous appetite. Up until now I was relatively safe; not feeling well enough to really want to eat and having no trouble leaving meal trays untouched or partially full... But in the past two or three days, that has changed. Suddenly, I am LOOKING FORWARD to that tray with it's plastic covers and lids and plastic utensil set. Heck, it's all I can do not to pole vault out of my bed and tackle the server as they meander down toward my room with their rumbly cart.

When visitors show up with goodies, what would have turned me off two days ago, now lights a spark in my eye and my hands begin the feeding frenzy of their own volition. This all infuriates and embarrasses me. EVEN though I KNOW what is causing it, I feel like I am being taken advantage or sabotaged by my own body. Suddenly, my appetite has turned traitor and my usual supply of self restraint s greatly compromised. (COMRPROMISED?? Heck, it's turned tail and run out of the building!)

I know that the best I can hope for at this point is to limit the damage as much as possible...to try to stand my ground instead of running with the hunger and letting it have its way. I know that drinking a lot of water will help because it will bloat me up and make me feel fuller than I am. The biggest challenge will be mental: to try to forestall the self hatred and angry disgust that eating like this elicits in me...There's got to be some kind of balance of sympathy and tolerance for something that is by and large, out of my control--mingled with a resolve to keep this lion within bounds and only feed it at feeding times. To maintain my motivation to overcome this set back will be one of my greatest challenges.

What do you think? How "tolerant" of my feeding frenzy should I be? How much should I limit my self castigation and control? I don't want to allow this to become a blank check that will excuse every gluttonous urge that comes along, but neither is there any point in hammering myself with blame and failure.... Any ideas that may work in limiting this damage would be welcome. :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Being on steroids is difficult. I was on them years ago for a long-running infection and I understand .. I could have eaten the table. You're doing great just asking for healthy snacks. Maybe, like any other time you are feeding a true hunger (and not an emotional one), look for High Satiety foods ... foods with a lot of water are good... oranges, watermelon. soups, salads, veggies, and good proteins .. whatever you can tolerate - hard boiled eggs, low fat cottage cheese .. and avoid calorie dense things like candy, chocolates, chips, cheese, bagels and the like. All you can do is all you can do. At least if you overeat healthy foods, you're not doing the damage you would be doing if you were over-eating foods that are bad for your health and/or calorie count.

    Have you talked told your doctor of your plans? He/she might have some ideas too.

    Hang in there!
    3876 days ago
    That's what I've been trying to do basically. I finally convinced my friend to stop bringing the crap, so now she's choosing healthier options. I guess it would be hard to O.D. on fruit and veggies....but I still feel like I am...It's not so much WHAT I'm eating but my absolute desperation to eat it that I find frightening. Talk about a lack of control! Having had eating disordered thinking for so many years, this really pushes my buttons.
    Thanks for the advice. I think it's wise

    3876 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/8/2010 4:43:39 PM
  • LCULL56
    Doesn't sound fun :( Could you possibly request your visitors pick you up something you really like that's healthy, but would still taste good? I usually try to ask people beforehand if they want anything in particular. A basket of fruit or a turkey sub on whole grain bread with lots of veggies, maybe? Could you share some of the goodies with the nurses? Tell your visitors you really need to build up your immune system ;) Which, of course, you do!
    Take care! I hope your out of there fast!

    3876 days ago
    That's always a tough call. You've admittedly not had a great deal to eat this week. So, you may just be hungry...honestly hungry. What I would do is allow myself to eat as much of anything I deem good for me, a serving or two a day of what I deem not-so-good. That way, you are getting as much nutrient rich food as your body may well need right now, without any reason for self-castigation nor deprivation.

    Beware the crap. Eat as much healthy food as your body wants. That's my call. (You may ignore me as you see fit. emoticon )
    3876 days ago
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