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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Monday, February 08, 2010

In my early years as a preschool teacher, I worked at a school that used a discipline method called the 90 second discipline. The principle is you the first 30 seconds telling the student what they did wrong and the impact their actions have/had on others. You use the next 30 seconds to tell them something positive about their character that makes you believe they are capable of using better judgment. The last 30 seconds are an action plan for what you expect from them in future. This technique can be very effective when used properly and don't try to use it to bring shame and quilt. So, here is your warning. I am getting ready to use this technique to process some gunk I have been working through.

I know better than to allow my addiction to the number on the scale to control me feelings. It is a futile and senseless ritual that I perform every morning. I want to bash that stupid piece of equipment to smithereens!!!!

The scale does not measure my value or worth. It is not an accurate measure of my progress. I am losing inches, getting smaller, tighter and more compact. I like the way my body feels, I like being strong, healthy and energetic.

I expect to be able to feel healthy and strong without using the scale as a tool to validate my success. This one obsessive habit has plagued me long enough. I will ask my husband to help me to only weigh in once a week.

Post Note: I've been struggling with the same couple pounds for a while now. As my training increases I have problems balancing being anabolic (gaining muscle) and being catabolic (losing weight). My son (21) was visiting this weekend and he was helping me process this. He asked me why the number was such a big issue to me when it was obvious I was getting smaller and more tone. I told him, when people ask "how much weight have you lost?" they judge your success by how big that number is and I have been stuck at the same number for a while. "Hmmm", he said "so, you would rather have a smaller number on the scale, that only you see, than a smaller more tone body that everyone can see your success?" "Maybe you could have a low weight and a bigger body, would that make you happy?" Obviously NOT!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    After reading your one under blog, I decided to read another one of your topics. This one hit me right between the eyes because I am having trouble seeing the numbers drop. I have a great exercise routine going and am tracking everything I know to track to stay on track, yet nothing seems to be happening. I am seeing some changes in the measurements and when I look down, it appears to be smaller....but none of that counts like that scale. Anyway, last night I was thinking that I needed to let go of the strength training until I get the weight down. Very quickly the blog people got me straight. So I am continuing on with everything and think I just need to stay off the scale for a while. Thanks for your blog finding me at the right time. Bonnie in Virginia! emoticon
    3882 days ago
  • ~MISS_TEA~
    one of the many reason I adore you :)
    3883 days ago
    This was a great blog and I really like your son!
    3883 days ago
    Your son is a very wise young man!!!
    3883 days ago
    very nice blog
    3884 days ago
    Smart kid you have there.
    3884 days ago
    Thank you carolyn for this story.I'll remember what your son said throughout my journey.
    Since beginning this upteenth journey to weight loss, I only weigh myself every two or three weeks. My journal tells me the truth about my calories.
    My exercise tells me my truth about becoming more active.
    emoticon emoticon
    3884 days ago
    There's so much we can learn from preschool! I think we've all been there (I know I am every other day or so). I really like your self-talk technique :)
    3884 days ago
  • AMCG2002
    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I don't think that was 30 seconds, but you get the idea. Your blog is wonderful! I, too, have been stuck with the same several pounds. And, just like you, I know I'm getting smaller (yeah for size 4 jeans from Gap!), but I still get on the scale every morning and weigh-in with my trainer every Monday. That number determines whether or not I get the high-five, never mind that I ran 9 miles on Saturday.

    So, as you and I work toward our hm, we will shake off our tether to the scale and cross that finish line with pride in our accomplishment! Deal?
    3884 days ago
  • NANNER2121
    I am going to print this and post it to my forehead (ok maybe the bathroom mirror, refrigerator door, treadmill . . .) and not put so much emphasis on my ticker.
    Gosh, this is something I could have written - the part about the scales, obsession and inability to balance anabolic and catabolic - and your son really nailed it on the head. I have been so po'd about my plateau that perhaps I need to take a look at the bigger picture that your son so intelligently pointed out. Give that astute man a big hug for both of us.

    3884 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/9/2010 1:12:08 AM
    I love your son! We all need to be honest about what we expect from losing weight and what our motivations are underneath. And I also love your 90 second tactic.
    3884 days ago
  • TLAIR0468
    Sounds like a wise kid you have there! Ya know, it's nice to be able to rattle off a big number when someone asks you how much weight you've lost, but there are so many more important things. You could always pull out your before and after photo...I assure you that will make more of an impact than a number. You have done a fabulous job, you have improved your health, you have gained muscle, lost fat, toned your body and have oodles more energy. All of those things are an enormous accomplishment and more important than nay number!

    3884 days ago
    wow what a great post! Thank you! and thank your brilliant son!

    3884 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5788525
    Kudos to your son! Don't obsess with your scale--it will only create problems. Sometimes we have to go by how we feel and how our clothes fit. Try it sometimes.
    3884 days ago
  • DBELLE39
    I know you are so proud of your son, such wisdom he has at such a young age. Many times we want to rely too much on that # on the scale --but like he said, take a look at your body at how it's transforming into the trimer & more toned body you are looking for.

    Keep moving, you are doing great!

    BTW ---Love your background pic...
    3884 days ago
  • TREBLE02
    smart son!! :) I like the way you processed through this!
    3884 days ago
    Your son is VERY wise. He has a lot to offer. You are wise!!! We just sometimes forget how wise we are but soon enough you will realize it and put it to its fullest potential.

    Keep up your amazing routine. It is working, like you said, whether the scale shows it or not. The scale only provides NUMBERS not our FEELINGS. Our feelings are the MOST important.

    I know you will get where you want to be on the scale but more importantly where you want to be physically and emotionally. You are doing great, Carolyn. Don't EVER forget that. You are remarkable.

    Have a great night!!!
    3884 days ago
    If the scale valued your worth you certainly would not to weigh that much!!! You are beautiful, you always were even at your highest weight and you always will be! You have done so much and no one expects any more out of you, what you are doing you are doing for yourself!! Be proud little foot! emoticon ,Karlyn
    3884 days ago
    Your son is right! don't tell him that because he will use it against you lol. You know how our kids are. Anyways, I struggle with the scale issue also. Not so much anymore because I don't want to see results there as much as I want to see results in my appearance. If I lose a pound or 2 or 3 or 4 and my thighs still look like cottage cheese then what do those few pounds mean. When I see visible results then I will be happy no matter what the scale says. Have you tried using measurements instead of pounds?
    3884 days ago
  • GINNY1215
    I needed to hear this. I am a slave to my scale and have to obsessively weigh in every morning and then when the needle does not move I practice self loathing. I have it down to a fine art. I have to keep telling myself I am getting healthier regardless of what the scale shows. Good luck to you.
    3884 days ago
    Your son is brilliant!

    I love your 90 second discipline. I'm just not ready for that today though. Or I can't see it yet to discipline myself today. (Go ahead, you can do it for me if you'd like!)
    3884 days ago
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