Returning and Embarking
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I have been on the brink; on the precipice between life and death, teetering precariously for a few days....and now have seemed to settle back onto the shores of life. So now, I have to brush myself off and reassess...to maintain the lessons of death as they illuminate my life and then to walk on into the unknown that lies ahead, being instructed, challenged, forewarned, and motivated to seek some MORE before it is all over and done with.
I was thinking last night, as I wrote in my journal about life being like taking a journey without the benefit of a "Magellan" satellite directional system. It's true that we have Scripture and our own paltry amassed wisdom, but when they rubber hits the road, we are often making blind turns and putting down our foot when we don't even know if there's pavement. I guess that is what is meant by "walking by faith and not by sight." The thing is to do it in the wisest way possible and not head off foolhardy and blind into that dark night. So with a prayerful heart I am asking my Lord to show me the next step...
I know where my desires would have me travel; into a future of greater health and independence; into a thinner and stronger body; back into active participation in my LIFE...but if there's one thing I've learned thus far, it's this: God's ways are not our own. That doesn't mean that God will give us the opposite of what we think we want just to spite us, but it DOES sometimes mean that when He gives us HIS plans, we suddenly will discover them to be sweeter and better than any we could have picked for ourselves...and sometimes those paths lead down dark, surprising, and unfamiliar terrain.
So I head out...hopefully going home from the hospital today after two long weeks here...intending to push this body as far as it will be pushed; to feed it with food to nourish and not to fatten it; to give it the rest I know it needs which hopefully will be sweeter after full days....and to seek the direction where God would have me walk...one step in the dark at a time.