Saturday, February 13, 2010
Face it; satisfaction is a big motivator. The question is, do we choose to be satisfied by that ice cream sundae? Or with a good workout in the gym? And what if the workout in the gym is not an option? What if you're like me and physical problems limit you to very little activity? How do I derive satisfaction?
I've already decided that I want to lose weight and get as strong as possible, so that pretty much precludes satisfaction through face stuffing. But can a person be satisfied merely through NOT doing something? Are there alternatives that I can pursue--positive actions--which will offer me some satisfaction? I don't know why I am finding it so hard to just DO some exercise...walking outside or some yoga or stretching.
I think partly it is fear. Because I well know that AWFUL panicked feeling when I can't breathe and I know that it takes very little to push me over that line...so I back off...I'm afraid to walk outside, because what if I get so I can't breathe out there and there's no one to help me? Working out, for me is a private thing. I don't do yoga in front of other people....but I'm afraid now to do it alone. I need to find a solution for this quandry. I know that the best option would be to find a physical therapist who could accompany me and monitor me as I work out. But maybe I can also just find a friend who will take a walk with me.
The other thing that impedes me is my cursed "all or nothing" mindset. I find it very hard to be satisfied with compromise. Years ago when I lost a lot of weight, I worked out like a maniac...I was consumed with my pursuit....and I found joy and pride in that journey. But now, it is very hard to be satisfied with small steps...with NOT doing things like eating more than I should. It is hard to find joy in doing a few stretches. I read about all of your Sparkers doing these awesome workouts....and I want to cry. I don't even take any real pride or joy in the twenty pounds I've lost so far. My mind totally discredits them.
I need to find a way to get some satisfaction. Because otherwise it will be very hard to maintain any motivation at all.