Pizza Treats & Craving Support - Part One.
Monday, April 05, 2010
I have been doing some real work on myself over the Easter break. I've given myself permission to take a break from school and work on the looming stage in my SP journey - emotional eating.
I have never really thought of myself as an emotional eater, however the more I have thought and reflected on this the greater my conviction that there is an issue - just what specifically has been eluding me.
I read a blog by AFAIRYPRINCESS about her emotional connection with cupcakes and how she craved love and affection from others and cupcakes were the link for her to fulfill that for herself. It was an eye opener for me (just a slit though haven't opened them fully yet!) and I could relate to that concept somehow - just exactly how I'm not yet sure.
I am a hardworking single mum who has had about 16 lives squished into my 30 years in this world and over this time I have learnt to only rely on myself. I know and intellectually understand this is not healthy however this is not an easy habit to let go of. So I've been thinking about my relationship with food and what I use food for.
I use food for:
* Support *
- I can only rely on myself to support me and my son so by giving in to eating alot (or in some periods in my life eating nothing) I have given that control away temporarily...to food.
* Companionship *
- Being a single parent can be a very lonely thankless task, you only have yourself to pat on the back when you have negotiated a particularly difficult discussion with your child or baked 2 birthday cakes for his birthday - one for creche and one for his party:) Public holidays where families get together and there is only the two of you... Taking a break and rewarding myself, patting myself on the back with a pizza has been my way fo filling that space. A treat (not cooking, putting my feet up, special time with my boy) which possibly began well-meaningly has morphed into a sabotage to my new life. Would love to fill it with real people haha:)
I'm sure there is more to this but I think two admissions to weakness for one day is enough so maybe I'll call this blog Part One....and avoid the pizza treats:)