Shhh...it's a secret!!!

So funny isn't it, how we think that our fat is a big secret? Like if we hide behind big clothes and drink diet soda in public that we are doing a really good job of disguising our weight? Is it just me?

I literally hid behind enormous clothes for years. I would never even think of wearing anything form-fitting or figure-flattering because...God forbid someone might think I'm fat!!! OMG, someone might catch a glimpse of one or more of my 4,000 fat rolls and my secret will be revealed!

Ugh, how ignorant for me to have thought that...at 336 LBS!!!! DUHHHH!!!! But I think we have this "image" of ourselves in our minds of how we think people see us, or how we want people to see us.

I no longer feel that way, thanks to my friend Nikki. She helped me finally admit that I AM fat and that it is NOT a big secret and that the enormous clothing I was wearing was actually making me look rediculously bigger than I really was. Now I do my best to wear figure-flattering clothes. Not clothes to hide behind, but clothes to accentuate the good parts of me and gently conceal the worst parts. And, although I'm still at 282 lbs, I have never been happier or more confident. I owe a lot to Nikki. Until last summer, I hadn't even THOUGHT about putting my body into a swimming suit for 20 years! But last summer I not only put one on, but I rocked it and I had the best summer of my adult life. Now I can't wait to go to the pool this summer and I plan to spend a LOT of time in the sun.

So much of how we feel about ourselves is in our own minds. Crazy, isn't it??