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Pain resided and.....reflections of my life

Monday, June 14, 2010

That advanced ab class I did on Wednesday really kicked my butt!! Not sure if it was only the ab class or maybe the combination of that and the Body Attack class afterwards but I was really hurting. Friday was worse than Thursday - maybe because it was orientation at the college my daughter will attend and I sat all morning. By yesterday I think I was finally feeling like I could move again without the pain and agony of bending my legs.
I was reading a blog from another SP member yesterday. She was reflecting on how she tried to hide behind clothes instead of admitting that she had gained weight. I started reflecting on my own life journey. I was that skinny kid that ate whatever I wanted and never gained any weight. I remember looking at the weight charts and always being in the underweight category. I'm not exactly sure what happened but at about 17 I started gaining weight. My friend was the first to point out that my jeans were getting too tight. Another instance that comes to mind was a friend of my mother's said blatantly "your mother said that you are putting on a few pounds, which is good - it's about time you started looking normal". You would think that these little hints would be a eye opener, but never having to worry about weight before, I just kind of blew it off. I remember ripping the entire seat of a pair a dress pants I was wearing one day but was excited that I had to buy new ones.
You see, I had a very unique childhood. Very rarely did I ever get new clothes. Most of mine came from garage sales or my grandmother made them for me. I got my first summer job at the age of 14 and was ecstatic to have my own money so that I could buy the latest fashions for myself instead of wearing the old stuff my mother had always picked out for me. Yep, I was the one who was made fun of for dressing funny in school. I so hated it when she would make me wear dresses because they were so pretty when it was 10 below zero outside and my legs were froze to death. You bet that I was very careful the older I got to pick out what I wore.
Another red flag that should have helped me not to let myself get so out of control was that my mother was always grossly overweight. By grossly, I mean she is barely 5 foot and I'm pretty sure that 350 is the number on the scale. I don't know if she has always weighed that much but she has always been very large. I was told that she was pregnant with my brother around Christmas time and he was born in March. I had no idea that she was pregnant. Of course, being 9 years old, you don't really pay that much attention but it's usually obvious when a woman is carrying a child.
Anyway, once I was out on my own, had my own money and a steady job, I slowly gained, and gained some more. Probably the lifestyle of driving everywhere and sitting on my butt at work had a little to do with it but I'm sure it was more about my eating habits. I ate lunch out everyday with a co-worker. We chose buffets because you really got your money's worth and that was important. I remember seeing myself in a picture wearing a swimsuit, plump and round. I couldn't believe that I was looking at myself. I found a friend, joined a local gym, and worked out every night after work. I also drank lots of water. The weight came off easily and I was able to keep it off for several years. Don't get me wrong, I never got back down to the bean pole I was in high school but I was comfortable in my own skin. Then came the babies. I have two daughters that are 17 months apart. It wasn't planned that way-just happened. I lost 25 of the 40 pounds I had gained with my first daughter when I found out I was pregnant with the second. I lost everything I had gained with my second but when I started night school, slowly the pounds crepped on again. Enjoying food and allowing myself to overindulge on too many occasions is the reason for the weight gain. I would eat like I would never be able to get that again. Not that I would polish off a whole pie or outrageous portions, just that I would eat everything I wanted (or just thought I wanted) with the mindset that I would never have this chance again.
I have been fluctuating a loss between 15 and 18 pounds these past few weeks. The good thing is that my clothes are comfortable....not tight as they used to be. The bad thing is that I was down 20 pounds for a few weeks and now that I have crept back up, I am having a difficult time dropping. It's hard to find the fine line between not depriving my cravings and eating only what my body needs. I believe that I am exercising as much as I can right now. Ok there are days when I could do more but it's not like I am not doing anything. I park far away and get up from my desk several times throughout the day.
My future plans are going to be broken down into weekly goals. This week, I am planning to work out everyday during lunch and every night after work. This weekend we are going to the lake to celebrate my daughter's birthday. It's a tradition that we have been doing for the past several years. A dear friend has a very nice house on the water that is huge. He enjoys taking the kids water skiing and of course, they love the water. Next weekend is our all-girl float trip (adults only) and then the wedding is the following weekend. Busy, Busy summer has just begun. But, I love having a full calendar because I know there are many who are bored.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey...I was a skinny skinny kid too! Probably because my daddy was a farmer before we moved to the BIG city of Des Moines, Iowa. I always ate what came out of the garden...and my mom was a one pot wonder cook. She was always much more of a professional woman..so housekeeping and cooking were LOW, LOW, LOW...on her list of priorities. I didn't even know there were supposed to be several courses to a meal until I was about 17 or so... emoticon maybe things are better simple. I started gaining weight after I got pregnant with Josh...but I lost most of it and really didn't have a big problem until about my mid 40's...from that point forward...it's been a struggle...it's true when you can eat anything you want as a kid...it's a shock to have to rein it in as an adult..big SHOCK! You are doing everything right by getting your exercise in and trying to be mindful of what you select for your food choices...I know you'll acheive your goals..I'll be cheering you on...just DO it! emoticon
    3575 days ago
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    I'd say you have a couple of great weekends coming up. We have been very low key which is just fine with me. I'm never bored. I would like to know what that feels like - ha ha. Think of all the fun exercise you can get at the lake. Have fun!!!

    3580 days ago
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