No, I am not eating fried food. Fried just describes my day better than any word I can think off. This morning I was getting dressed for work and I pulled out one of my favorite Chico outfits and pulled it on. It is big and sloppy looking on me. I know that getting smaller is the goal, but if you could please share a little compassion with me here. I have been purging a lot of clothes out of my closet. My budget is very tight and I am working very hard to fill in the gaps in our budget by making and selling my unique shabby chic jewelry. So, I'm working full time, working out 6 days a week and making jewelry for some shops on the east coast. Back to my clothing issue, which is directly tied to the money issue. Those lovely Chico outfits were pretty expensive, I cannot afford that quality of clothing at this time in my life. I feel sad as I say good bye to some of these items, not knowing when or if I will ever have something that nice again. Now you see that I am a little bit of a material girl! I tried to redirect my attention to the fact that being smaller and healthier is preferable, but it really didn't help that everyone who saw me today said, "Those colors look really good on you".
. So sad, all day I felt like, "well, this is the last time I will wear this pretty top". The shoulder seams are in the wrong place, the body of the shirt just hangs down (it is suppose to be semi fitted) which makes the hemline fall at my mid hip which is not a flattering profile for me.
I think part of the reason I am feeling so blue about this is that I also just discovered that my weight plates and barbell were either left behind or sold when we moved here three years ago. I loved that barbell. It was perfect weight for me and the perfect size for what I want it for. I vaguely remember the discussion that we wouldn't have a place for a workout room here and I wasn't actively using it and it was in storage. Since we were moving to the university to work, we would have a fully equipped gym to work out in. Well, now that I do workout 6 days a week, there are some things I'd like to be able to do in the privacy of my own home or to get a quick set in the morning, etc. And of course, there are always those strength moves I want to try, that I'm not sure if I'm strong enough for, but I want to challenge myself to try (but I don't want an audience)! LOL!!!
So, yes, sadness. I was just overwhelmed by the fact that I don't currently have the financial ability to just go out and replace some of those items.
Add to that the fact that I left behind a job as a preschool teacher and yoga instructor, that I just LOVED!!!! And moved away from my life long friends (since 6th grade). And that since my husband makes less money than he used to, I now have to work full time. I'd always been the stay at home mommy who then went to work part time when my boys were in middle school. As a preschool teacher I was a nine month employee, which means SUMMERS OFF!!! And now it is summer, and I am working for the third summer in a row.
At 2:00 I took a break from my office to come home and get a little jewelry made. When I get back to work, I turn on my computer and the screen starts flickering and then it goes black. I turn everything off and then back on and it does the same thing and then I hear a crackle, pop and smoke starts rising out of the back of my computer monitor.
Geeeeeeez!!!! Give me a break!
After work I go get my workout in with my trainer. I really needed that! Great way to sweat it out!!! Then I take a bag of coins I have kept for the three years since we moved. These are coins I picked up around our previous house while I was packing. My son had left for college and I had to finish packing his room, my husband was a way on business and I had to pack his home office and of course every other room of the house. I would find a handful of change here, a coin there and I started putting them in my pocket while I was cleaning up. At the end of the day, I would empty my pockets into this baggie. By the time we moved, I had a pretty good chunk of change. I have kept that baggie of change and today I decided to use it to reward myself with one thing that would help me get closer to my goals. I went and cashed in the bag of change and there was $40! Way more than I thought! I went to Kmart to get The Gold's Gym Circuit Training System (pull up bar, push up hand grips, ab straps). The sale price was $39.99. With the couple dollars I already had in my wallet, I had just enough. It rang up for $56.99. It seems the $39.99 was a one time Blue Light Special, that someone forgot to that the tag off of. But, policy says they have to sell it to me for the marked price.
I come home, assemble the bar, hang it in my door and set a stool in the doorway to use to help me do an 'assisted' pullup. I am too heavy and too weak yet to do one unassisted. That is the reason for the bar, to help me develop that strength. Anyway, I had seen a video of how to do that assisted pull up, but had never tried it. I get in the up position and ideally I would be able to lower myself unassisted. Not so. I can feel that I am not strong enough to lower my body weight down slowly and I'd rather not rip my shoulders out of their lovely sockets! But, my husband and son convince me to take my foot off the stool and try. I take my foot off and immediately release down into full extension, crashing the front of my shin into the stool. I feel like crying. My shin is purple. I am not strong and I have to do assisted pull ups for quite sometime before I will be able to pull myself up or lower myself down.
Okay, enough whining! Let's eat!
High Carb Day:
I prefer fresh strawberries, but since I don't have strawberries every day, I keep frozen unsweetened berries around.
Sunflower Seed Butter! mmmmmmmmmmmm Makes your hair and skin pretty!
Add them to my steel cut oats! Tastes like peanut butter and jelly! Yum! Doesn't that strawberry look heart shaped?! LOL!
Eggs & Soy Sausage!
Fage 0% Greek Yogurt
Bare Naked Peak Hi Protein Granola. So delicious mixed in my yogurt
Mid morning chocolate shake with instant colobian coffee
White beans, red onion, tuna, capers and Omega Heart Smart mayo
Romaine Lettuce Leaves with humus and low fat Mexican Cheese Blend
Grilled Chicken Breast, Sweet Potato and Spinach (not pictured)
Night time snack is a large choc. protein shake. (not pictured)
I sign off with a picture of me in my office today, wearing my Chico's shirt for the last time.
Good night friends! Be good to yourself!