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So I sucked it all up

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Alright, well, I didn't get to my goal to lose all that weight by my birthday...some where in March I got depressed and went on an eating binge that just lasted through till yesterday at11:59 pm. I'm on a new start. I've gained back to 260 and it just makes me realize how I don't want to be my aunt or my mom...and my mom just lost a bunch of weight but lived her life uncontrolled and crazy eating everything...we don't have a good relationship at all so that is kinda depressing. When I see my Aunt, I think about how big she is and she always tells me to lose it while I'm young...I take after her side of the family and I am sooooo afraid of turning out just like her. I can't do it. I can't get any bigger. I have to do something now! I can't look back or I will see death. I am killing myself...ruining my body...for what? Temporary pleasure? Is it really worth it? I do a lot of thinking about who I don't want to be, maybe I should start thinking about who I want to be...how I want to feel!!! I need a role model and I think you guys are my role models...all of you who have lost so much and gain so much more! Here's to us! A new way, a new conquest, a new goal!
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