Help me figure this out!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I don't know exactly what it is I'm feeling right now - could you guys help me figure it out??
Today I ate really well, was very active - walked around the city with a good friend doing errands. Then at night I walked her to her other friend's house (1/2 hour brisk walk) While waiting for her, walked around the block five times (another 1/2 hour) and then walked back home (yet another 1/2 hour) :) So that was about 5.5 miles for me, 500 calories burned, super yay!
Then I got home exhausted, but had some pancake batter I needed to finish frying for my friend's supper and daughter's breakfast. They're not really pancakes; they're Russian "oladushki" that my mom made all the time - yogurt, sugar, flour, eggs - mix and fry and die of deliciousness and super yummy texture :) And I was hungry, and there were a few cold oladushki (pronounced a-LAH-doo-shkee) that some previous person didn't finish, and I thought - I still have about 300 calories left for the day - and I gobbled them up. YUM. Then I had a nectarine. Slightly less yum, but yum nevertheless :) and healthy.
And then I started thinking - can I have more oladushki? I mean, I don't know how many calories they are, so I can't track them anyway, right? And maybe they don't have too many calories? And then YIKES I remembered that I had an iced nonfat latte (with sugar and sweetener added) at Starbucks with my friend today, and I didn't track that because it's not trackable, and so really I didn't have quite 300 calories left at all! And then I thought, aw heck, might as well have more oladushki.
What's going on??? I was so positive today - decided I didn't care about the number on my scale, decided that I am just going to keep doing the right thing and eventually I will see progress.
I know *theoretically* that every teeny tiny decision counts, but practically I think, will this really make a difference? I walked so much today, ate so healthfully otherwise - can't I just have this white-flour-white-sugar-full-f
at-yogurt concoction? You see, spelling it out here makes it sound so much more obvious - of course it will make a difference. I had about 150-200 grams worth. Not a ridiculous amount of calories. But is it even noticeable? I know that if I allowed myself to have more, then I would have botched my efforts for the day, and eaten back the 500 calories I'd burned. So throwing in the towel is definitely a downward spiral to falling off the wagon. But what about those few oladushki that I had - would it have made a difference if I'd taken the time to make myself a tuna melt on whole spelt bread (my original plan)? TELL ME WHAT TO THINK!!! :) :) :)
It boils down to this:
It's so frightening to me - how I can have all the right intentions and thoughts, but when I am confronted by something actually delicious in front of me, it's like a whole new brain is switched on and I think these wrong, illogical, wishful thoughts. What is this? Do you have it? What do you do about it? Help! Thanks :)