Today I am struggling not to be discouraged. While it's true that I lost a total of two and a half inches since I last measured and weighed; I'd gained 3 pounds. Now I KNOW that that is very likely muscle weight or even water weight...because I've pretty much stuck to my calorie goals for the past week...and I don't THINK it's possible to gain weight on 1200-1400 calories, is it?? (If it IS, I'd find a way to do it
Anyway, today is the third day that it's been raining...and let me tell you, my body REALLY does not do well in the rain. So that is getting me down too, although I'm trying not to let it. A big part of me wants to just huddle up in my bed all day, take lots of morphine, and just GET THROUGH IT...but I know I should probably try to do some exercise; even something gentle like stretching or yoga... Right now, this morning, I am really hurting too much to consider that, but maybe later in the day it will be more of an option.
Tonight was supposed to be a barbecue marking the end of a term in my home Bible Study. It's at my friend's house and they have a beautiful yard and pool and garden. I was really looking forward to it...but now, in the rain, I'm not sure if they'll have it...Maybe they will cook out but stay indoors? Also, if I'm still hurting as much as I am now, it will be out of the question anyway.
Sunday is a church-wide barbecue at our pastor's house. It's a part of the Mission's Conference which is this weekend. I really, really would like to go -- plus I'm supposed to take some pictures there for me to use when I redesign the church's bulletin board soon...but am kind of doubtful that I will be able to endure it. It will be crowded and there won't be a lot of places to sit, and certainly no place comfortable...and because I can't drive myself there, I will be "captive" until my ride chooses to go home. That means if I start to get into some serious pain, I'm stuck.
Then, of course, there is the problem of what to eat (or rather what NOT to eat) at both events. I'm hoping that some people will bring salad dishes so I can avoid the other fare and still get something to eat. I used to bring my own food to events like these when I was eating a strict raw vegan diet...but I got a lot of flack from people for doing that...and I guess it IS kind of rude.
I'm sorry if this blog is sounding kind of whiny and pathetic. After four days of bad pain, and gaining three pounds, I AM kind of feeling sorry for myself...as much as I DESPISE self pity...sometimes it's just THERE. I am lonely...I haven't been out of the house almost at all since I came home from my surgery on June 14th. I really want to go out and have some fun and be around people. Oh well, as long as I can avoid eating to "drown my sorrows," I'll be okay, right? Maybe tomorrow the sun will shine and this body will hurt a little less. Maybe next time I weigh myself, the news will be better. Maybe someone will think of me and decide to visit....Until then I'll have to keep on truckin'.