A Pause in the Turtle's Race
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I woke today in pain.
That, actually is NOTHING new. What was "new" was that the pain woke me at 6:30 instead of 3:00 AM like it usually did. So I looked out the window at the sunny morning and said, "Self, you are going to take your butt out for a walk this morning, feel like it or not."
So I got ready...ignoring the fact that I couldn't find my shoe inserts; ignoring my husband's 1001 questions; ignoring the pain which, by now, was FULLY awake and wanted to make sure I was too; ignoring the malaise which had spread like concrete in my limbs telling me, "You don't REALLY want to do this, Do you??" I was so focused on getting my tuche out the door, that it wasn't until I was about a quarter mile out and down road that I realized, "I forgot my iPod"
Well, no matter, not going back for it now.
Then came a REALLY steep hill.
Half way up it I began to huff and puff--badly. (Note; I have terrible asthma, so this was nothing to be ignored.)
Then it hit me: Not only had I forgotten my iPod--I'd forgotten my puffer.
I ALWAYS have to at least take two puffs before I go and sometimes a couple mid-walk.
There were bigger and steeper hills ahead of me on my course, so there was only one thing to do: turn back.
It's going to be one of those mornings.
The sink is piled to the ceiling with dirty dishes.
My room looks like a tornado hit it.
I have a BOX of huge zucchini from my friend's garden which I must use soon, so I'd planned to make zucchini bread, and several other recipes....
....And I feel like crap....in every manner possible. I feel discouraged. I am in pain. I'm now as tired as though I never went to bed...and the LAST thing I want to do is to exercise anymore.
But I know that that is exactly what I need to do.
Otherwise I will go through this day feeling like an energy-less blob and a failure.
As you saw in my blog, I had an amazing walk/run on Saturday. Sunday, was my "day of rest" so I didn't exercise...and yesterday I was in too much pain to do much cardio. My still-to-be-replaced hip joint was making its presence known loudly, as were the herniated discs in my neck, so all I did was some yoga and some whole-body strengthening work.
Today I find myself facing some fear. Which is not typical for me. I'm afraid that after two days off, my efforts at cardio will be as tough as the early days of it were...when my breathing wasn't good and my muscles were atrophied. I'm afraid that because I had to concede to the challenges my body faces both yesterday and today; that I won't be able to make a "come-back" and be victorious again, the way I was on Saturday. I know it's completely irrational, but that is how I feel.
I feel like I went from being a winner to being a quitter in two easy steps.
And I know that the only possible way out of this slump is to recover (I'm still sweating from being outside for that quarter mile); manage the pain (unfortunately that means taking some pills-morphine in my case - ; and then going to it. I've decided that instead of walking outside today again (it's now WAY too hot), I will do the one-mile workout video that I have --and to complete that will be another "success" for me. I did it once last week (on Friday). I can do it again.