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All Out Rebellion Over Here (aka BLAHBLAHBLAH)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Not really sure why. I am trying to figure that out though. So went to school yesterday and went grocery shopping on the way home. For some unknown reason a bottle of wine snuck into my basket. No actually I'll own it - I put it in there. I invited a friend from school over (she bought two bottles!) and went home and irresponsibly got very drunken. I say irresponsibly because I didn't eat, sleep or do anything remotely good for me last night - and I loved every second of it!!

Ordinarily this would be fine, however I have finals in less than 6 weeks, a 13 year old who doesn't want to see me like that (and I want to set a good example for), a flat inspection today, goals I would like to meet (and keep sabotaging), and should not be thinking about pizza so much (which is all I want right now).

I am making these choices and I own them, but would really like to know where they are coming from... Why I make them... Am I intentionally sabotaging myself or am I feeling overwhelmed, and WHY? These are the questions floating around in my head, and around, and around, and around.

I do have times of rebellion, I am naturally rebellious so I think I may always have these periods in my life, but I would like to be better prepared for them so I can make the right choices for the long-term, not just the right choices for right now. Although this blog probably does not make the best reading for others it is real, and how I feel right now. I hope I can look back over this blog and remember right now for the next time I am pushing myself down a path I don't really want to go down.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BARCLE
    Rebellion can be good - next time a stray bottle of wine finds its way into your shopping basket I promise I will help you by accepting it into my home emoticon
    3865 days ago
  • PAMATX
    I do the same thing. It's as if I can only be "good" for so long until I have to go and do something totally debaucherous. I do know that during exam time I too fell prey to the need to blow off some steam. We'd go sit at a bar and play trivia and drink too many pitchers of beer. I remember watching The Client in my hotel room the night before the last day of the bar exam. Maybe you simply need a study break. Some fresh air. Vitamin D. A long walk in nature.

    I seem to recall blogging about this, asking for suggestions on healthy debauchery, and I recall you feeling my pain. Oh, I know, it was Healthy Hedonism. That time the feeling passed, and the next day I no longer felt a pull to blow off some steam in an unhealthy way. We should create a go-to list of healthy hedonism.
    3866 days ago
  • SNORFSNORKEL
    Just a "BLIP" in the road - get back on the trolley, a streetcar named Desire, and do your best!

    You've taken on a lot, and it is intimidating - remember your priorities!

    Luv Ya! emoticon
    3867 days ago
  • JILLINWONDER
    Okay, I'm your future voice speaking -- I've always had a rebellious streak too, and yes, it never goes away! Thank god! Don't worry much about self-sabotage -- it's all a matter of degree, and you look like you're doing just fine -- except you're on your ear, but that's a small thing.
    3867 days ago
  • RAEB84
    Oh I've done that. Usually I'm sabotaging myself, and usually it's because I'm thinking, "Boy losing that wasn't so hard!" Of course, that is just me. I get resentful of eating well and exercising every day sometimes. It's a pain, and it doesn't seem "normal" (which of course, is wrong because there are mostly "normal" people at the gym when I'm there). Exams always made me act out too, although not usually until the week of when I just hoovered through everything. *g*

    I agree with AustExGuy--only you can figure out why you're sabotaging. It's a complicated process but I know you can do it!
    3867 days ago
  • KIM04375
    Feeling the same way!!! I can't get chocolate bars and McDonalds out of my head....
    It's great to have an outlet to express ourselves....takes the edge off (a little lol)
    3867 days ago
  • AUSTEXGUY
    I have that same rebellious steak -- hell, I made a career of it -- but you have to pick your rebellions. When the group goes out for pizza, I'll get a salad. Or when every other singer-songwriter is drinking at the bar, I'll have a big bottle of Pellegrino in front of me.

    That said, when I choose to have some (okay, many) beers, I'll choose it -- and it always seems to be a night or two after weigh-ins. And that's the time. But not every week.

    Yes, it sounds like self-sabotage but only you can figure out why. For me, it was the wrong blood pressure medications. Not my fault, but it was still up to me to figure it out -- and find the right doctor to help me figure it out.

    Blah, blah, blah. And then some action. Cheers! We're behind you.
    3867 days ago
  • AMAS92568
    Sometimes being irresponsible is okay. But you're right: use this blog later when you need some pushing power in the right direction.

    Good luck on the exams.
    3867 days ago

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