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Fear, Uncertainty and Excuses

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Well, after all my talk of losing this last ten pounds to reach my initial goal weight in three weeks, I have to confess that I've been struggling. Some days, I didn't even bother to track because I'm sure I must've eaten 5,000 calories and I couldn't bear to see it. (NOT really 5,000, just felt that way!) But then, yesterday, I ate, what I was sure was WAY too much and when I forced myself to write it all down, it was still in the calorie range. The trick really IS to eat low-cal stuff. that way, even if I eat 10 or 15 different things, they are all low cal and I can still make it. It's when you eat pieces of cheesecake pie (like I did last Monday) that you run into big trouble! Boy, was I ever glad when that pie, slid out of the fridge and onto the floor, so I had an excuse ot throw it out! (my husband wanted some of it, so initially, I couldn't pitch it). My dad had brought it over, (sent by my mom, my #1 saboteaur. she can't stand it when I'm successful at losing weight.)

So I also have not exercised in about two days...maybe even three. Well, I did do strength training on Saturday. Took Sunday and Monday off. My asthma has been acting up so I've been really afraid to go out walking. This is a very isolated area, and should I keel over, there would be no one around to help. But I have a feeling that this causes a cycle. No exercise (aerobic) leads to worse asthma problems and worse asthma leads to less exercise. Of course the first part of that equation is my own theory. It is one that I've been testing. Maybe I should try to do some kind of aerobic stuff in the house, like dancing or somethinglike that, and see how the asthma responds. I really really hate to lose all the ground I've gained in endurance and lung capacity by not walking.

I brought my 8 pound dumbbells in from the garage yesterday. It's time for me to start using those. The 5 pounders are no longer a challenge. According to one of the Sparkers, (one who should know), it doesn't pay to use the light weights. The only way to really progress in strength and fat burning is to seriously challenge your muscles. And that it's better to do a few reps of a heavy weight than many of a light weight. Sounds good to me...Doing 30 reps can get really really boring! I'd much rather do 8 any day. I really want to purchase a 15 pound and a 20 pound dumbbell. They are pretty big bucks, though and only one sporting good store (at the mall in NY) has them... Maybe next month, I can afford to get at least one of them. But for now, will work my way up with the 8 pound ones.

I realize that ths blog has been quite "chatty " so far. I guess what I'm trying to do and probably failing at, is to talk myself back into the groove. I've not lost all my motivation, but I have lost my excitement. And I need that excitement. I have to be PSYCHED to go work out in the morning, otherwise, I fnd it very hard to get it done. Especially the walking. Around here, with these steep hills, the walk is WORK! It's the hardest thing I do exercise-wise and the hardest thing to talk myself into doing.....and the hardest thing to give up doing. it always feels like SUCH an accomplishment when I go. yesterday, I fully intended to go to the lake at 9:00 after all the school buses left, but I began to sweep the garage and to clean about a billion acorns off of the driveway and put away the garden hose for the winter....and got side tracked. Then my friend called to drive me to the pharmacy, and my opportunity was gone. That's the problem with not going at the crack of dawn. The day gets in the way. Problem is, 's so COLD then and very dark,.. I don't have the appropriate work out clothes for that situation.

I've been looking at buying some warmer performance clothing,...but am discouraged becasue it is SICK expensive. Does anyone have any secrets to get it cheaper?? I cannot afford $40 for a pair of pants or a shirt.

well, I'm facing some challenges: clothing; asthma, bus schedule and darkness, and yes, discouragement. what I really really need are a couple of days of a good HARD workout. Then, I know I would feel better about myself. I feel all flabby and like I've gained about ten pounds, even though I know I haven't. I guess what I will do is weigh myself and measure myself (have avoided that out of fear) and face the music...Then get back on the ball. Floating around in uncertainty and fear, is not going to do me any good. I need to get back the control here...not let circumstances and excuses control me any more.
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