Things were going great, I was exercising a lot, enjoying it (most importantly) and not really losing weight, but not gaining either. Then I started to cough. Just a little at first, but my antennae went up as my radar detected a potential problem. I have asthma. Not just "in-the-spring-I-sometimes-use
-my-inhaler asthma. But the spending-multiple-two-week-hos
-to-IV-steroids kind of asthma. The kind that has almost killed me several times. The kind that made me spend two years in a wheel chair because of the damage the steroids did to my muscles. That kind.
And the fall and winter are my awful seasons. So far, I've had a good streak, since last May and my last hospitalization. I'd lost 50 of the 80 pounds that steroids had packed on me...and am once more strong...muscles are even beginning to show. So I'd allowed my hopes to rise, just a little bit. And thought to myself, "maybe this year, I can get away without a problem." So when the cough started and the stuffed nose, I was a bit worried. Next came breathlessness. So that, when I go up a flight of stairs, I'm bent over hands on my knees gasping like a marathon runner just crossing the finish line. I triied to take a walk yesterday. I went with my daughter in case I had a problem...and didn't make it very far down our road, when I had to admit defeat and turn back...barely making it home and needed a quick nebulizaer treatment.
So, when the cough started and became more persistent...and when my plateau stretched from weeks into months, I started to slack off a bit...Not tracking food, and since I couldn't do the cardio work, well,....me being me, I just gave up the whole thing. Not for long mind you...only for about a week...when I happened to weigh myself...just curious, you know. And Oh my gosh...an extra ten pounds were there staring me in the face! Well, I told myself, you might be retaining water, it might be the wrong time of the month, it really wasn't first thing in the morning....you know; excuses. And so I weighed myself again....a couple of days later...and got the same number looking at me.
So, for a couple of days, i just ate whatever my little heart and my growing stomach desired. Until it occurred to me. Just because you can 't do cardio doesn't mean that you HAVE to gain weight; it doesn't mean you HAVE to lose your nice muscles; it doesn't mean you HAVE to get a flabby gut again. You can still do strength training, and you can still do some easy walking or riding the ergometer...and you can STIILL watch those calories and eat healthy. Because not only was I eating too much, I had been very lazy about cooking and was not eating balanced meals....Not at all.
It was my old Black and White Thinking...the kind that comes along with the eating disorder package...which was causing me to completely roll over and die here. Just because I'm walking with a limp doesn't mean I have to be bedridden! So, today, I re-thought some of my goals. I wrote my new weight on the Spark ticker (which I'd been "neglecting" to do for a while) and I changed some of my food and exercise goals...I've been rreading The Spark and doing the 28 day program all over again...and journaling.
I'm going to do this...Asthma or none. Even if I have to go back on steoids. and even if I get weak and gain weight, I can still make healthy choices...and come next spring, I'll be ready to lose those pounds and climb my way back up that ladder once again.