Thanks to all of you that posted on my last blog. I truly appreciate all your kind words and advice. I think my parenting of Katie would be so different if I didn't have so many concerns regarding her health. This affects her lifestyle continually by altering what she is capable of accomplishing on a daily basis. I also have a 24 year old daughter, Becky, who I love just as dearly, but she is confident and independent. She will also come to me for advice, but she has never had to deal with the hardships and physical limitations that Katie has, and still is, suffering from.
This week alone, I have spent so much time just trying to help her get her back on course after a bout with the flu. She missed several days of school and spent 5 hours in the emergency room on Monday to replenish the fluids she lost because of the vomiting.
Yesterday, she met with her surgeon regarding her leg that he operated on almost 10 years ago. We didn't get the best of news, but it also wasn't the worst. The area in the fibula that was originally filled with bone particle after the tumor was removed has shown some tumor regrowth. She has to have another MRI, Xray, and followup visit on November 23rd. The good news is that he isn't worried about cancer and he does not feel this will require another surgery. The bad news is, she may not be able to run Cross Country at her college, which is where her friend network exists. This is devastating news for her even though she realizes that it could have been much worse. She had to miss another day of school because of the appointment. This is so hard for her because she is seeing past patterns in her life coming back to haunt her. Making up school work after missing classes has always been part of her existence. She just wants to live the life of a normal college student and not be handicapped by continually having health problems that make this process so difficult. The thing that sets her apart is that she is not a quitter and is capable and bright when her health is restored.
Today she has one more doctors appointment that was, thankfully, scheduled after she finishes up classes for the day. She had sinus surgery last November and is experiencing a lot of facial pressure once again, causing headaches and fatigue. After visiting her primary care doctor regarding her flu symptoms, she suggested a followup with this surgeon because her nasal passages are red and inflamed. So, once again, we live with uncertainty and hope that she will feel better. This constant fight for good health affects her mood and concentration level. I just want it to end. As you can see, she has a myriad of health problems including thyroid issues which also can be a cause of her fatigue, so it's a guessing game sometimes.
My biggest wish is for her to be able to finish college without all these obstacles. It is difficult enough to deal with the every day nuances of life in this environment and as a 22 year old young woman. Her insecurities and lack of confidence because of this have set her apart from the crowd and it is so difficult to watch her struggle.
Why does someone who is so bright, witty, beautiful, and morally good need to suffer so?
She is intere
sted in the health field so that she can help those who face similar struggles and is sympathetic to their emotional well being. Having your health is something she doesn't take for granted.
I have written this blog as a follow up, partially in the form of journaling my thoughts and feelings. As I write these thoughts, I see that Katie's life's struggles have not been in vain. She has grown into a caring, sweet natured young woman who has found a passion that she is dedicating her future to. Her sensitivity, although taken advantage of sometimes by the cruelty of her peers, has made her chose a profession that she going feel pride and fulfillment from. These hardships in life develop our character in ways we don't even realize at the time. She is slowly beginning to realize this and understands that things do happen for a reason.
Sometimes Katie feels isolated and alone because she sometimes" marches to the beat of a different drummer". She is reserved and a little introverted, which inhibits her with her struggle to make "true and lasting" friends because she sometimes fears rejection. Katie really liked the kids on her Cross County team but hasn't been able to connect recently because of her leg injury and until this week, spending time with her boyfriend.
To add to the pain of this past week, she and her boyfriend decided to end a 4 month relationship. He lives 45 minutes away and things just weren't working out for the two of them anymore. Needless to say, it's still one more emotional struggle to endure. It's been a very tough time for her.
So where do I draw the line? I don't know! I can only do what my heart tells me to do at this point and guide her when she asks for help. Although I know that the pain she suffers is nothing compared to what could be and I am thankful for that. There are young people out there that are enduring much greater sorrows. However, she is still my child and I want her to be happy more than anything in this world!
Journaling these thoughts have empowered me to be stronger and look at the positive aspects of our lives. My prayer is for her good health and everything else will fall into place.
I LOVE YOU KATIE!