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Running --into Walls.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Well, a week ago tomorrow was my epidural...which was incredibly effective at reducing my pain. It almost eliminated my back pain--Until today.
I had a busy day planned. Picture a house where the primary person in charge of cleanliness and order--has been out of commission for about two years. You get the picture. Now we DO have help in cleaning it every two weeks ...but you have to see my closets! Mass destruction.

And even my paperwork has suffered tremendously. Take filing for example --
I even have it tied up into bags, so you can take it more easily.

My desk is littered with letters that need to be answered; insurance claims that need to be followed up on; well...you get the picture I'm sure. And you may wonder why letters don't get written and phone calls made...after all, I'm not paralyzed. It's because pain paralyzes my life. It sucks away all my tolerance for frustration...It makes it impossible to even sit at my desk for more than two minutes... And I couldn't even do a lot of stuff on my laptop because for over 6 months, it was broken and after it got fixed, we didn't have a printer!

My closets are the kind where you have to fight to open the door...and then -- duck! Actually they are not quite that bad....well, yes, maybe they are. I would love to have a day, just to spend on my bedroom closet, which doubles as a bathroom closet and linen closet......
For the past some odd years it has been a struggle just to get my clothes off, let alone hang them up! Actually, the clean ones ARE hung up...just so you don't think I'm a total pig!

Anyway, you get the idea of how I needed to spend the day, and maybe the next four years. And I did get a lot done. However, after working out today, I had a distressing lack of abilty to move my left leg for several minutes...It was just kind of hanging there...attached but not FEELING like it was attached. I'm at a great risk for paralysis due to my back situation, so this did give me a pause. However, after several minutes, once again, awkwardly, it moved.

I don't think it likes lunges.

For that reason I had to cut my workout short after only about a half hour. But I got a bit of a workout today doing what I needed to do around here.

So here comes the second wall that I hit.
This morning I moved in a way that my back really didn't appreciate. And I felt the first horrific stab of pain that I'd had in close to a week, since my epidural. And from that point on, the pain steadily came back...It still is not as bad as it was...but this is the way I responded to the injection of steroids into my bad hip. It worked great for about three days (that time) and then the pain gradually came back until in about two or three days later, it was back full force.

I'm not happy about this.

(Don' t you just love an effective usage of understatement??)
Actually, I have so much enjoyed my small vacation from hell, that I'm just not too willing to go back. Besides, there is still much to be done. And that 's just the WORK...never mind the fun!

Honestly, I'm joking about it ...but underneath the jokes are a lot of tears which haven't been (and won't be) shed.
I LOVED being able to work out hard and long. I was amazed at my strength and my improvement in my cardio endurance. Take pain out of the equation and I'm an exercising machine!

Even though I still had pain from the PsA in numerous joints, and pain in my cervical spine which is a mess too...The worst pain, is in my lower back. And that pain is over the top...
...and it pushes me off the edge.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I sure hope your pain lessens! I hope the new pain is only temporary! emoticon
    3552 days ago
    So sorry your reprieve seems to be coming to an end :((
    I actually didn't think you would be able to do lunges with a back like yours..Maybe when you see your Dr. get the okay on what is safe to do..
    I know what you mean about closets. At one point, I couldn't use coat hangers, it was so tight, I just shoved stuff in and it stayed upright. But when I lost my weight and tried everything on in my closet, I got rid of everything that didn't fit, talk about emptying it out!! My Mom couldn't believe some of this stuff would look bad, but when I showed her how it looked on me, it was awful! Like a little kid playing dress up in mom's clothes!! So now I don't have a lot of nice things to wear. Because its so cold here most of the time, I wear cotton turtlenecks, fleece and sweats, the warmest things I can find, ugly, but functional.
    Hope your Dr.s can help again..
    3552 days ago
    Back pain is a real ...pain. I work in an office where we deal with neck and back pain all day long. So, I understand...and I've experienced it personally, as well. I hope you get some relief and either get some help with the stuff of life or find some periods of time where you feel good enough to handle some of it...I know that must be frustrating. Hang in there! Do what is right for you and get all the help and relief you can. Wishing you the best. Spark on! emoticon emoticon
    3552 days ago
    Augh! - take it in baby bouts - 10 - 15 minutes of anything at a time.
    I KNOW how that is discouraging. Rest it, and let's see how it is in the morning. Hugs, and prayers,
    3552 days ago
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    Ooh Cynthia ! I am so sorry the relief did not last very long! I know how you feel! the pain is indescribable. perhaps you need to have a chat with you Doctor and ask if you can go on a low dose of prednisalone.. It is a cortisone derivative and can really help.
    otherwise just do your exercise in short bursts .. that got me through. Always in my thoughts Susie emoticon
    3552 days ago
    emoticon I know the feeling of wanting to dive in and just get it all done. I've been there myself. I finally had to just limit myself to a short period of time each day.

    When I quit working 2 years ago, I thought I'd finally get my whole house organized, but getting started and then getting tired and sore so fast was discouraging and made it feel overwhelming. I stuck to it though, just working on things for 15-20 minutes per day at first. And after awhile, I noticed even those short periods of work were adding up and I could see things improving. So don't overdo it! It's just as important to take of of YOU as it is the house.
    3552 days ago
    I'm so sorry Cynthia. And, yeah, you can try to cover it up with humor, but it's obvious how excruciatingly painful, both physically and emotionally, this is for you. You'll be in my prayers.


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    3552 days ago
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