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How to Begin Again

Saturday, January 01, 2011

So here it is, 2011! Woo hoo!!! Or...not. I thought I would be in ONEderland or pretty darn close to it at this time of year, I thought I would ring in the new year a slimmer me, and a me that would soon reach her goal weight.

Well I AM slimmer. I WILL reach my goal weight this year. BUT. I have gained the dreaded 10 lbs. (ok, only 9, but it sure feels like 10) that the holidays can put on. And the thing that really irks me is this is all within the past week or so of being on vacation from work and of Christmas and New Years. I maintained through Thanksgiving.

I am not going to lie. I am depressed!

But I am thankful that this happened, in a way, as much as I hate it. It has shown me just how easy it is to get back to that place I used to be, to become that person I used to be, the girl who binged and purged and then binged again. The girl who was never full enough, and then was all too full. The girl that didn't like herself.

When I saw the scale hit 225.5, up from 216, I hated myself for a brief minute there. Hated my body. Hated that I have to do everything 100% right or I gain. Hated that I have to give 200% just to lose. I felt, for just a moment, that it was hopeless.

But I know that is not the case, I know I can come back from this. I know that all of those thoughts in my head were just lies and I am not going to let that negative force win this race!

So here is my list of things to do to get back on track, and to make me happy. Call them what you will, some say resolutions, some say to do lists, some call it simply a plan. I am calling it "How to Begin Again".

1. Drink a tall bottle of water.
2. Repeat.
3. Forgive yourself.
4. Remember that you are human.
5. See and recognize how far you have come.
6. Update Spark tracker to reflect current weight and don't look back.
7. Sign up for the 8K I will RUN this spring.
8. Go to the bookstore and purchase the new paperback edition of The Spark. Read the special guide.
9. Give away my hard cover copy to my brother-in-law who has climbed back up to his high weight.
10. MOVE. I will work out in some way, shape or form every day.
11. WRITE. I will write with a pen, pencil, crayon or keyboard every day.
12. Smile. At myself in the mirror, at strangers on the street, at my family.
13. Get stronger. Add more strength training into my routine.
14. RUN. Get back to the track, girl. That's where you shine and what makes your heart flutter.
15. Set goals that are high.
16. Start the way you will end.
17. Believe in yourself.
18. Don't be tempted to try quick fix solutions. You got here and you know how to get back.
19. Join Spark People's Boot Camp Challenge.
20. Just DO IT.

"You will fly and you will crawl. God knows, even angels fall" - Jessica Riddle

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CRICKET217
    Thanks for the honest blog. I too gained and had the same feelings running through my mind. You have encouraged me :)
    Thank you.
    3557 days ago
    I love htis partner!! Just DO IT!!! And I'm adoring your new pic is AWEsoME!
    3557 days ago
    Great blog!!! I am going to change my tracker right now to reflect the 8lbs I gained over the holidays. If we can't be true to ourselves.......

    3557 days ago
  • EOSTAR_45
    Here's to new beginnings!

    Happy New Year. emoticon
    3557 days ago
  • FREES1
    you are a wise woman - gaining back 9 might be a bit of a set back but it isn't a sign to give it all up or to beat yourself up! we all slip and fall and, just as with riding a horse, you gotta like back up into the saddle and ride again!
    more power to you!!!
    3557 days ago
  • PCOH051610
    Excellent blog!
    3557 days ago
  • TEMPEST272002
    Wow, I could have written this... though not so well! I love your list for getting back on track. It's hard to face the consequences of over eating (and I don't just mean the numbers on the scale, but also the conversations in our heads) but here we are. Still here. Still moving towards our goals. We can do it together. Keep writing, keep running, keep forgiving ourselves... and we'll get there.

    Here's to a healthy 2011!
    3557 days ago
  • AMBER281
    That sounds like a great plan. You can do it!
    3557 days ago
    You can do it! Go Sunny Gal!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3558 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6097965
    3558 days ago
    The difference between a dream and reality, is that you've set
    reasonable goals. Baby steps to fitness, repeated every day.

    Your blog shows goals similar to mine. I did recently reach ONE-derland, and hope that I never again crossover the line. I'll feel more confident the further I get away from 200 lbs. I do not share your plan to run the 8K, but general fitness is reachable for all of us.

    3558 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1315172
    I did the same thing!

    Cheering you on! We will accomplish our goals in 2011!
    3558 days ago
    I understand.
    You are awesome.. I can almost visualize you grabbing your bootstraps and picking yourself up! I love it!

    You're doing great!
    3558 days ago
    My money's on YOU, kiddo. I have NO doubt at all that you are back on track and will send those added pounds flying, making headway in reaching your ultimate goal in due course.

    3558 days ago
    I do know how you feel. We may trip and fall but we must never give up! Healthy living is the goal for 2011 and we can do it with God's help. emoticon
    3558 days ago
    This will be our year!
    3558 days ago
    Perfect get-back-to-it plan! I love the way you've written this out and how positive it is. You can do it!
    3558 days ago
    I am with you sweetie, as a matter of fact you inspired me to join the boot camp too. We will get to Onderland and it will be this New year, hopefully this season! Push forward. Hugs
    3558 days ago
    Terrific! We CAN do this!
    3558 days ago
  • FLGIRL1234
    What a fantastic way to start the New Year. Keep it up girl. You have this in you!!!
    3558 days ago
    Way to pick yourself up, dust off, and keep going. We all encounter setbacks in this journey; the key is what we do with them. And you're doing it awesome!

    I need to kick back into gear now, too. I didn't gain - sheer dumb luck, I think - but I'm so DONE with this plateau. I signed up for the bootcamp challenged featured on the Start page today. Wanna be boot camp buddies and kick our booties back into gear together?

    3558 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5959732
    No looking back. We are moving forward and going to achieve our goals and dreams this year.
    3558 days ago
    You are sooo not alone and I appreciate your honesty. I've been too ashamed to actually put a "number" on my holiday/cruise weight gain, MUCH LESS readjust my tracker. Way to go on your bravery and your determination to move forward. You will rock 2011!
    3558 days ago
    Your not alone and you will reach your goal weight this year. Do not be depressed and beat yourself up. Lift yourself up and put on that beautiful Sunny gal smile and move forward.
    3558 days ago
    I know that you will meet your goals this year, you are so determined and very good at setting boundaries for yourself.

    I'm wondering; after we reach goal weight, if we gain a holiday 10 will it be a big deal to us? Or, will we just know that we are going to gain 5-10 over the holiday therefore we will lose the 5 or 10 immediately after.

    It only seems painful to us because we are struggling to get to a "place" and gaining that 5 to 10 unravels a lot of our work. What do you think??

    Happy New Year.
    3558 days ago
    So much love for you this year my friend. You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, and I believe with all my heart that YOU WILL.
    3558 days ago
    I love your attitude!
    You go, Girl!
    I'm right there with you!
    3559 days ago
    You are not alone, back to tracking/planning/workouts and nutrition. Great list, you can do it.
    3559 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8142747
    I'm right up there with the 10 pounds gained over the month of December. How did that happen?? I love your list. Way to keep it real and look forward to 2011!!
    3559 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    I think I caught the same bug you did! I gained, but not 10 - I am just glad I did my weigh in yesterday, because today it is worse! Lets get back on track!
    3559 days ago
    You're not alone! Am right there with you. Thanksgiving was OK, but Christmas came along and took me with it (lol). Thank you for the list. Helps to focus on a plan of action rather than thinking of regrets. 2011 is gonna be an awesome year!
    3559 days ago
    You can do it if you put your mind to it. Use the SparkPeople exercise remember that every little bit helps. Good luck. emoticon
    3559 days ago
    I LOVE your list!! Especially #11....I'm a writer too! Don't be depressed Kathy. Just remember the journey that you have been on and the healthy lifestyle you now lead. You were right...you ARE human, will sometimes get off track...but you will get there!!
    3559 days ago
    Love your list! I'm with you 100%
    3559 days ago
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