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An Aimless Spark

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

while my life has been "on hold" temporarily for whatever this illness is or may be...my eating habits have deteriorated badly...

Most of the time, my small desire for food has not merited the effort of preparing it.
I've had little appetite...so I've become a "nibbler" -- something will sometimes"sound good" and the first bite or two will taste good...but then I will suddenly feel so full that I'm afraid it all may come right back up again...the most I've eaten at a time in weeks is a half of a hamburger (no bun) and a few bites of cottage cheese at a diner on Sunday....or yesterday: an Eggo topped with fruit and a bit of cool whip....And these things left me very uncomfortable in the "tummy".... and often struggling with nausea.

So, I've become a "snacker". I made up a bunch of snack bags of homemade trail mix out of fruit that I had dehydrated myself in times past mixed with almonds, pepitas, and chocolate covered peanuts with a few yogurt covered raisins. I'll carry it around and once in a while pop in a bite.

I had a cup of soup at Quickcheck yesterday (which btw was very good: mushroom, brie). I've been finding myself reintroducing coffee to my diet after not drinking any of it for a number of years. Not sure how i feel about this...in fact most of my organic, clean, well-rounded habits of eating have pretty much gone right out the window. I'll eat what ever is available that sounds good...even if it is a few bites of a Symphony chocolate bar at the Walmart checkout.

I have a funny story to tell you...The other day, a friend took me grocery shopping at Price Chopper. (this was before the hemorrhaging got too heavy to go out anywhere)...I was wearing my neck brace, which I wear frequently...mostly when I'm at home, just for pain relief....and also the orthopedic surgeon has me encased back in my massive waist to thigh brace for my hip....and I was riding one of the store's electric scooters around the store to shop, really and honestly never thinking anything about what I looked like to others...

Well, little old ladies cleared paths for me, and tsked tsked sympathetically and people fell over themselves holding doors for me and getting out of my way...A woman came up to me and said, "would you like me to go around the store with you take things from the shelves for you??" I shook my head, a little bewildered (I"m SO clueless sometimes), "No, thanks for asking , but I think I can manage." And while I wondered at all of this, I didn't really think deeply on it so didn't realize why it was.

After I paid for my items, I was looking for my friend who had driven me...and couldn't find her...One of the employees saw me looking around for someone, and came up to me, grasped me by the arm (by this time I was walking) and led me over to a chair which she'd pulled out for me...she told me to "sit right here, and I"ll find your friend." So she paged her. And then offered to carry all of my groceries out to the car for us. Suddenly , like a light bulb went on and I realized the reason for all the sympathy and concern....it was all of the braces I was wearing! lol.

I think I'll have to wear them more often!...Usually people are so rude in this area of the country....and to see them so helpful was very nice....and very very odd.

Anyway...I haven't bothered tracking...because to account for a bite here and a bite there...really would be difficult...I'm sure I'm not eating too much...so I guess it doesn't matter.

I really miss tracking...I have no fitness to report *sob*...and no food to list. I'm a lost soul...an aimless Spark.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PUTTITAT
    Cynthia--I ran into your bog in a round about way while surfin' & had to stop by and say, you ARE a beautiful, storng woman! I love your attitude of life as you go thru life's sturggles. Your attitude blesses others and when EVER you go to be with our Lord, you will leave behind a wonderful legacy! I pray strength & rest for you as you go thru this, yet another struggle and pray they will find answers for you quickly and be able to help with some of the pain. Take care of yourself and know you are loved by many around you.

    I went thru Breast cancer treatments 16 years ago & went to a Christian support group for people dealing with cancer (both those who HAVE it as well as their caregivers) and I learned so much from some who were far sicker than I was, and one of those was to have a good attitude. If you have never read it--read the book, Cancer, There is Hope by one of the 2 brothers from H & R Block (last name Block--not sure of spelling). It is a wonderful book for anyone going thru or supporting someone who is going thru cancer! Sorry to write a mini-blog on your page, but wanted you to know you are special!
    Vicki
    3524 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4566218
    Three years ago, I visited New York City with my grandson....who was 18 at the time. I had the misfortune to twist my knee and after an Emergency Room visit.....my grandson and I decided the best way to continue our New York visit was to put me in a wheelchair! The New Yorkers were so kind and considerate....I was totally amazed.....and our grandma/grandson together time was very special and we were able to do so many interesting "touristy" things. We had driven to NYC and stayed in an extremely small timeshare, compliments of his parents....and were there for a week......then when we came home, I had surgery for a torn meniscus in my knee.....lots of treasured memories!
    3524 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8603687
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Thank you for sharing that story at Wal-Mart,wish people were like this all the time with everybody. emoticon emoticon Diana
    3524 days ago
  • CONTENTCHRIS
    I am happy and sad at the same time . Bewildered? The story of shopping made me almost laugh and almost cry . Crazy. Enjoyed it either way.
    Your a joyful person and a lovely writer. Thanks for sharing with us today.

    Your friend , Chris emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3525 days ago
  • LUNADRAGON
    You are NOT an aimless spark. Your goal is getting healthy. You are taking one baby step at a time, and you are listening to your body.
    emoticon
    3525 days ago
  • VXWALL1942
    I do declare child! What some people do for attention! And the fact that it was innocently done is even more worthy of note. In the south you would be seen also as a 'poor little creature' worthy of help and extra consideration. Perhaps I should get the braces. Nah, I'd get the giggles.

    Humor aside, I hope you are soon on the road to recovery so the hip brace won't be necessary after your recuperation. In the meantime congrats on staying the course and doing what needs to be done.

    (pssst - Did you get the initial reaction to my response? A bit of horror I think. hehehe)

    vicki
    3525 days ago
  • JHADZHIA
    You can only do what your situation limits you to. I think you are coping with it as best as you can..Patience, we should be used to waiting for recovery/treatments/improvements by now.
    emoticon emoticon
    3526 days ago
  • WATERMELLEN
    You're being sensible and pragmatic about the tracking, doing what suits this time for you: and funny as heck describing your shopping trip!!
    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7658463
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3526 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5645667
    I hope you get the results back soon !! then you can deal with whatever is the problem and get your life back on track ....
    Tace Care my friend !!
    Always in my thought's Susie emoticon
    3526 days ago
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