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Temporarily "NOT ALL THERE" but still here

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I promised a blog. So here it is.
A lot has been happening in my life...I've been having all I can deal with and maybe more than that on my plate.
You may have noted my "absence" in the Sparkdom. Well, I've been here, Kindof.

Still keeping track of some friends. Still hearing from some persistent lovely Sparkers who ignore my lack of response, somehow understanding that that has just been beyond my ability lately. It's all I can do to put food into my body, drink enough to survive and keep on breathing.

I had a hip replacement ....on the first of the month, I think. Had some physical issues which provided complications and extra struggle in the midst of the process. Went to rehab for a week and came home after a total of two weeks.

Then my daughter. My 18 year old only daughter and m best friend notified me that she is going away ...for five months.

NOW.
when I have trouble dressing myself. Cannot do laundry. Cook. Or put a thought together.

She leaves tomorrow at 4 AM.

Taking my heart with her.

I've been sleeping a lot. I am usually a terrible sleeper. Usually survive on only a couple of hours in a day/night cycle. But now, if I'm up for more than a couple of minutes, my eyes close and I will fall asleep, literally, standing up. In the midst of conversation.

I guess this surgery has taken a lot out of me. Seems to be a lot worse than my first one, despite the infection I had with the first one. It could be merely the anesthesia that is making functioning so hard for me right now. I tend to have a period of confusion afterward...although this time, immediately, it did not seem to be so bad. maybe the reaction has just been spread out over time.

I miss feeling strong;
I miss being "In" my body.
I miss feeling thin and in control.

Right now, every single thing in my life feels out of control.

Please be patient with me.
I will come back.
Please do not think I'm rude if I don't say "thank you" to Goodies or notes.
I see each one of them and send you a mental surge of gratitude. Sometimes though, lately, that's all I've been capable of.

I will be back.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ABERLAINE
    Dear Cynthia, please just concentrate on getting better. We know you're still with us in spirit. We won't feel disappointed if you don't write a blog or post a comment.

    You need all your strength and concentration to get better and ready for your next surgery. You'll be in our hearts and minds until you return to us.

    Gentle hugs,
    Nancy
    3496 days ago
  • CONTENTCHRIS
    Cynthia ,

    I am praying a special prayer for you now and for strength , not lack of pain or other things because if God gives you a extra boost of strength you will overcome! emoticon emoticon

    We no not hold you not posting against you and do miss you. Your friend , Chris
    3498 days ago
  • VGINNY
    THERE ARE MORE OF US WHO UNDERSTAND THAN YOU THIN,DEAR LADY-------YOU ARE MISSED ---AND PEOPLE DO ASK-----AND I (AND I AM SURE MANY OTHERS(KEEP YOU IN PRAYER.---I HOPE THAT THE GOOD LORD WILL GRANT YOU PEACE.-----WE WILL WAIT FOR YOU,---GOD BLESS
    3499 days ago
  • LUNADRAGON
    Hugs, my dear friend, I only just popped on to see if you were here. I have an early dr. appt. and will try to get on and chat with you in the next day or so. Thursday is wall to wall appointments. Hugs hugs hugs, be patient with yourself. You have been through a lot and need to allow time to heal.
    Prayers and hugs,
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3502 days ago
  • DJ4HEALTH
    Just remember that you just had major surgery and that will take allot out of your body. They also taken a part out and put plastic and metal in place of it and your body has to get used to that too. Make sure that you do the exercises that they want you to do to get you back on your feet. I had my knee done in 2009 and then my husband went into the hospital about three days after I came out because he was having a difficult time breathing(tumor in his esophagus and it was blocking the air that was coming in. He made me promise that I would continue with PT and would not try to come to visit him while he was at the hospital(ok I did not follow it but he needed me at that time). He had a cancerous tumor and had to go through chemo and I was able to be by his side because I worked to get my knee back to working again. Yes it is hard but it is wroth it in the end. Plus you may also be sleepy from the pain pills too.
    3502 days ago
  • VXWALL1942
    Dearest friend...you brought tears to my eyes. Please take care and see if some assistance is available through your insurance coverage. It won't be for long, but you really need physical help for the time being.

    If your confusion and memory issues continue through the next few days I'd contact the dr on Monday. May be there is something he can suggest. Perhaps this is the time to see your therapist for a few visits. Your coping skills will return. They're just temporarily out of reach.

    Take care of yourself and know you are not alone. There are many who are asking after your well being and offering prayers for you. Dream pleasant dreams in your rest. God bless and keep you.

    vicki
    3502 days ago
  • HOT4FITNESS
    Thanks for the update. I have truly missed having you around in the sparkdom. I hope you get to feeling better soon. I have had double knee replacements and had contractures and somedays it just takes all of our enegy just to be in existence. So I totally understand your absence. Take care and keep us updated on how you are doing!
    3502 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5645667
    Just relax and take care ....Sorry your daughter is leaving for a while ... but they do what they want to do and we must accept!
    can you get any help from local councils Re help in the home and your Personal Care ... Might have to have extra help for a while ...
    hopefully it is available ... take care Susie emoticon
    3502 days ago
  • JHADZHIA
    So sorry your daughter is leaving you when you need her help the most :((
    I do understand not being able to make it on here, and its no biggie. You can drop a note when ever you feel like to let us know how you are doing. I guess its a good thing you developed no infection with this surgery. I actually can't imagine sleeping at the drop of a hat. Even 5.5 hrs under anesthesia didn't keep me sleeping, I was wide awake and walking the halls soon after they put me in my room. I am resistent to the effects of drugs which is why I rarely bother with pain killers because they don't work anyway so why put another chemical in my body.
    Sounds like you are having residual effects of the drugs and you will just have to be careful to wait until they wear off. Just rest and recover, thats your job right now.
    My thoughts are with you for a full recovery..
    Hugs,
    Linda
    3502 days ago
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