WE have to be important too!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
I just landed myself back in the hospital AGAIN with another TIA (Trans Ischemic Attack). I did it to myself. I can't blame anyone else. I knew that I was pushing myself to the limit, yet I went right ahead. Telling myself that I wasn't REALLY pushing it. Yeah, right.
It wasn't like I was off having fun. I've been taking care of my mother-in-law who is now in a Hospice facility and trying to get my stubborn 83 mother to move closer so that I can take better care of her. There is also my husband and 22 yr. old twin boys. Everyone is hanging tough, which is a good thing. It would just be nice to catch a breath, other than in a hospital bed.
The pounds have been finding their way back. A lot of emotional eating. Not really caring. Just wanting to make it through day after day and not get into a family confrontation with other family members. Everyone and everything else has been FIRST priority. I laid on the ER stretcher in the ambulance and in the ER and all I could mumble was "I'm sorry".
I was sorry for getting sick and not being about to do it all. There is that voice in my head that says "Dummy, YOU are NOT suppose to do it all!". That part of me that wants to do it all is still inside, but I'm going to have to put a leash on it or something. I'm going to look into getting some counseling.....maybe that will help.
I came home yesterday and I have spent my Easter working on getting back on track. My exercise will be slow for a little while since I lost some leg function. I'll get it back though. I've started working on my food plan. As I well know, I have to take one day at a time. I will keep reminding myself that I matter and I have to take care of myself........or I can't take care of others. I AM IMPORTANT TOO!!!
Note: Writing here is just another step for me. It's not interesting, but another form of therapy for myself.