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Self-delusions I'm ready to drop

Monday, May 02, 2011

Like many of you, I joined Spark and lost the weight I set out to lose. About two years later, I gained back just under half of the weight I had lost. Still a fairly good weight, but not 'sleek', and some clothes do not fit as well.

So I've moved into year three, and have been trying to lose the second half again. It's taken more time to get back to healthy habits like tracking--and I know the research shows that's what makes the difference. But only today have I finally faced--AGAIN!--the self-delusions that I finally overcame last time. And They are still a struggle, but I'm hoping by naming them, I will be more likely to deal with them directly. Cause these are the ones that hurt me, slow me down, and keep me from my goal.

Self-delusion#1: "I can eat this stuff now, cause it's the weekend".
Where I got the notion that I could splurge all weekend, every weekend...actually, though I started to say I didn't know how I got there, I realize that it came over years. My making chocolate chip cookies on Sunday afternoon had been a family tradition for us for literally 30 years. That made it especially hard to give up--after all, I did it long before I gained any weight, so it must not be a problem--right?

Another source of "the weekend" self-delusion was a diet plan I used once, which encouraged adherence to the rules all week, and one day "off". I still like that idea--but I had stretched one day to all weekend! And since the weekend starts Friday evening with drinks and dinner out, and goes all day Saturday (special breakfasts, ice cream shopping, special dinners) and all day Sunday (same story, add eating out after church and making chocolate chip cookies...)--well, there's no way to make progress from the week last and gain momentum with that kind of weekend. (Oddly enough, it worked all right for maintenance, for about a year--till "the weekend" became "all week"!)

Self-delusion #2 "but this is special--it's _____"
Fill in the blanks--"a difficult time emotionally" has been my most recent excuse, but I've used "special because we have so many visitors", "special because we're out on the boat" (that one can also go with "weekend")--when I want to eat, it's always special for some reason!

Self-delusion #3 "It's when I am with ________________"
There's truth to this one--but I have two choices. Give up being with friends and family--nope, not gonna do that! Or give up the self-delusion. Cause bottom line, these are all the same--my excuses are all "this time doesn't really count because it's ---whatever".

Self-delusion #4 "Gain it fast, lose it fast"
That actually used to be true for me--for about 10 years, in my 20's. NOT there!! And I see on the scales and know in my heart, it's not true now!!

Self-delusion #5 "But this weight is really fine, I don't really need to lose any more"
Note to self--then how come you only feel that way just before pigging out? How come it never looks tat way when you're full? Of in those jeans? Or those pants? Or standing sideways? Get over it--that one has also not been true for years.
No, you are not obese. But that belly is not your real self--and you know it!

The real truth is--it all counts.
Every choice I make either breaks down my ability to make healthy choices, or builds it up. Every choice makes an impact on my weight. Every day counts. "Special" does matter to me--but I also know that every day really IS special, so that one won't fly as an excuse!

And that's all they are. These aren't reasons, they're excuses. And I'm the one who is being given the excuses, and I'm the one who is suffering for it. And if my goal is to lose those pounds when I'm full, then it's also to lose them when I'm suddenly hungry for--whatever!

I acknowledge a realistic goal, and live with the truth of what it takes to get there.

Choices. Truth. All day. Every day.

And since I'm dealing with truth-- I hear 'weekend' in my head!!! Nope. The "weekend" is now one 'experience'--my choice, but one experience, one event, not three days.

Yes--that I can do! That's a truth I can live with. No self-delsuions.
Real goal. Real plan. Real choices.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • YARDWALKER
    Deb, I love this, because its true for me also. i think true for most of us women. You just put it all into perspective for us. thank you.
    3430 days ago
  • CHOOSNJOY
    Thanks for the honest and transparent insights! Strikes a chord with all of us. I so often associate "healthy eating" with BORING and party food with FUN FUN FUN! My husband and I are having a BORING Memorial Day weekend (Had shrimp stir fry last night) but I'm choosing moderation and health. Got to change my mental attitudes and get rid of those delusions you describe so well!
    3441 days ago
  • PATTYSH
    I felt like you were inside my head. I am with you on every count. I too, use those same excuses, along with the one "I feel better than I have ever before" which allows me to eat or have a glass of wine too many days of the week.

    I'll hold your hand if you hold mine. We can do this!

    have a great, 'not special' weekend!
    with great fondness,
    Patty
    3442 days ago
  • SUZYMOBILE
    Wow, it's been a long time since I've checked in on you, and I so understand this blog! We've been under a great deal of stress lately, so I've fallen into the habit of having, not one, but THREE glasses of wine a night. And that tends to lead me to midnight snacking, so my weight is sitting about 4 or 5 pounds above where I want it to be. It would be SO easy at this point to say, well, everybody's been telling me I could stand to put on a little more weight, so maybe this is where I should be. I don't think so! And I thank you for writing this blog, to stop me before I get too far off track.

    Hope the Memorial Day weekend doesn't prove too "special" for you!!
    3442 days ago
  • WATERBABY4
    Gee Deb. My blog was so much like your thinking today. I eat those little 100 calorie snack packs of cookies, thinking one is fine but I'm not full enough, so I go for the 2nd. Then I have this horrible guilt trip, anger fit etc. You're right about it being so much easier when we were younger. I remember getting my weight down in no time, with no struggles. Now, its like moving boulders!!! I'm with you girl! emoticon
    3467 days ago
  • NEWSTART127
    OMG, I think I need to link myself to this and read it daily! I'm so with you!
    3467 days ago
  • VEENAS1
    Deb just writing it down I know will help. And you can beat those delusions!
    3468 days ago
  • CHARMIN944
    I know those self-delusions all too well, too. My worse one is night snacking. I feel that just because I ate my allotted fruits and veggies during the day, I can indulge in junk at night. Two cookies always turn into ten. An ounce of chips turn into 4.

    I made up in my mind to keep those snacks out of the house and came into the realization that I just can't exercise self-control at this point of my program.
    3468 days ago
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