Self-delusions I'm ready to drop
Monday, May 02, 2011
Like many of you, I joined Spark and lost the weight I set out to lose. About two years later, I gained back just under half of the weight I had lost. Still a fairly good weight, but not 'sleek', and some clothes do not fit as well.
So I've moved into year three, and have been trying to lose the second half again. It's taken more time to get back to healthy habits like tracking--and I know the research shows that's what makes the difference. But only today have I finally faced--AGAIN!--the self-delusions that I finally overcame last time. And They are still a struggle, but I'm hoping by naming them, I will be more likely to deal with them directly. Cause these are the ones that hurt me, slow me down, and keep me from my goal.
Self-delusion#1: "I can eat this stuff now, cause it's the weekend".
Where I got the notion that I could splurge all weekend, every weekend...actually, though I started to say I didn't know how I got there, I realize that it came over years. My making chocolate chip cookies on Sunday afternoon had been a family tradition for us for literally 30 years. That made it especially hard to give up--after all, I did it long before I gained any weight, so it must not be a problem--right?
Another source of "the weekend" self-delusion was a diet plan I used once, which encouraged adherence to the rules all week, and one day "off". I still like that idea--but I had stretched one day to all weekend! And since the weekend starts Friday evening with drinks and dinner out, and goes all day Saturday (special breakfasts, ice cream shopping, special dinners) and all day Sunday (same story, add eating out after church and making chocolate chip cookies...)--well, there's no way to make progress from the week last and gain momentum with that kind of weekend. (Oddly enough, it worked all right for maintenance, for about a year--till "the weekend" became "all week"!)
Self-delusion #2 "but this is special--it's _____"
Fill in the blanks--"a difficult time emotionally" has been my most recent excuse, but I've used "special because we have so many visitors", "special because we're out on the boat" (that one can also go with "weekend")--when I want to eat, it's always special for some reason!
Self-delusion #3 "It's when I am with ________________"
There's truth to this one--but I have two choices. Give up being with friends and family--nope, not gonna do that! Or give up the self-delusion. Cause bottom line, these are all the same--my excuses are all "this time doesn't really count because it's ---whatever".
Self-delusion #4 "Gain it fast, lose it fast"
That actually used to be true for me--for about 10 years, in my 20's. NOT there!! And I see on the scales and know in my heart, it's not true now!!
Self-delusion #5 "But this weight is really fine, I don't really need to lose any more"
Note to self--then how come you only feel that way just before pigging out? How come it never looks tat way when you're full? Of in those jeans? Or those pants? Or standing sideways? Get over it--that one has also not been true for years.
No, you are not obese. But that belly is not your real self--and you know it!
The real truth is--it all counts.
Every choice I make either breaks down my ability to make healthy choices, or builds it up. Every choice makes an impact on my weight. Every day counts. "Special" does matter to me--but I also know that every day really IS special, so that one won't fly as an excuse!
And that's all they are. These aren't reasons, they're excuses. And I'm the one who is being given the excuses, and I'm the one who is suffering for it. And if my goal is to lose those pounds when I'm full, then it's also to lose them when I'm suddenly hungry for--whatever!
I acknowledge a realistic goal, and live with the truth of what it takes to get there.
Choices. Truth. All day. Every day.
And since I'm dealing with truth-- I hear 'weekend' in my head!!! Nope. The "weekend" is now one 'experience'--my choice, but one experience, one event, not three days.
Yes--that I can do! That's a truth I can live with. No self-delsuions.
Real goal. Real plan. Real choices.