I just committed a pre-meditated binge...
Friday, May 27, 2011
Honestly, I planned it all day, from the moment I woke up. I sat in anticipation at my desk, waiting for the hour to arrive when I could go to the convenience store and buy my lunch. I knew exactly what I was going to get. A turkey sandwich and some fruit (to bring back to my desk), and then the muffins, cookies, candy, whatever I felt looked good, were to eat in my car on the way back to work, so no one would see. I haven't done this for years. There was a time when I hit two convenience stores in a row, so I didn't have to buy it all in one store.
So, what triggered it? Is it this rainy, dreary, depressing weather? Is it because it's a boring day at work because of this rainy, dreary weather? Is it because it's been a rather stressful week with it being the first week of having kids home on summer vacation and I mentally couldn't take another day of being strong? Is it hormonal? Is it because I am completely out of groceries and I just decided, "screw it"? Does is matter??
What bothers me the most about this is that I had no intention of just fantisizing about it and not doing it. I did not pack my lunch today, for I knew it was going to happen. I was excited for it to happen. Is this normal? Has this happened to you?
Is this the end of the world? NO. Does this mean I will not get back on track tomorrow? NO. I'm truly curious who out there does this, even on a more regular basis? Stand up and be counted. Let's work this through.