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AMALAIKA

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Switching it Up and other musings

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

So the last week has been pretty rough just for me emotionally. I couldn't find my motivation to keep going. So on Monday i went in to see my counselor at the place where i did therapy for eating disorder. I hate goingin there cause it always seems like failure that i haven't gotten over my issues yet,

I sat down on the comfy black couch and just started voicing everything that was going through my head. My issues with feeling like i have to be a perfectionist in everything else (including tracker and exercise) since i'm not perfect in my weight. We talked about a lot of things and then she reminded me of something that I had forgotten about. I'm Worth it. I don't need to feel like with all of the issues that brought me to have weight issues in the first place ( abusive relationships, rape ,etc) don't mean that i don't deserve to be healthy. She said the problem isn't your motivation it's your self image and not thinking your good enough.

This is why I see her :-)

So as much as i love running and I do this week i decided to switch things up a bit. I did a walk at home video yesterday ( my hips were not liking the elliptical for some odd reason) Today I did a Power Yoga (Dallas Cowboys) (it's an off day today but i wanted to do something) , tomorrow I have personal training with my cousin at 1pm so i'll see what craziness she has in store for me. I'll go for a run on Thursday and Friday and try circuit training on Saturday.

Don't get me wrong my old routine was working but i needed a little variety and to try something new. Maybe one of these days I'll get the courage to actually run around the lake behind my house but until them gotta do something.

Oh food, yeah i struggled last weak with 3 nights of late night fridge raids to meet the calorie min for the day. Like today it's 8:21 and i have 600 calories left to meet the minimum and I had pizza for dinner. I guess that's something we all struggle with though how to make food work for us.


P.S. I get my hair done next week!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AMALAIKA
    Believe me i understand the code languge. It's very nice to meet you and that someone struggles with the same things i do.
    3404 days ago
  • DIVINEPRINCESS
    I found you through my KareBear (whom I adore by the way). She's a huge inspiration and motivator and all-round great friend.

    Go to YouTube and watch Tenth Avenue North's video of "You Are More". As powerful as the lyrics to the song are, I was really touched by the "scribblings" on the blackboard. I could relate to so many of them.

    I've made huge progress from where I used to be (emotionally speaking) to where I am now, but I still have a ways to go. I'm not totally free from my past and my issues, either, much as I'd like to be. My self-loathing, or feelings of unworthiness, or whatever it is plays out in a different way. I don't hide behind food or use food to comfort myself (hence my struggle to get to my minimum caloric intake). I eat when I'm hungry, and when I'm not hugnry, I don't eat. Point Blank. Period. But I have another "secret shame" that still exists in my life beause of poor self-image and past abuses. But I'm working on it.

    I'm glad I got to meet you. I can relate to you. And even being able to talk about it (cryptically and in code), helps me to process it.
    3404 days ago
  • AMALAIKA
    Thanks Karen. Prayer is always a good thing.
    3406 days ago
  • NEWKAREN43
    This blog of yours inspired my blog "You've been remade". Pls visit it and read it...I've been thinking about you since I read this and wrote my blog. I didn't want to insult your beliefs or override yours with mine. You are heavy on my mind, and I'm in prayer for you. Blessings. Karen
    3406 days ago
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