This morning, I joined with my good friend Suzanne to "get moving" together.
Suzanne is a elementary school teacher I meet in a qigong group when I was living in St-Bruno. She's creative, and lively and we share many values and challenges (including delicate mother and sisters relationship).
At first, we planed a long bike ride for today, but since the humidity was too high, I proposed that we walk into the Mount-Bruno Park, where I just loved to go when I use to live nearby. So we took the 8.8 Km trail that follow the Seignior's Lake and goes up and down around the mountain, under big trees. Suzanne is in a pretty good shape, and walks a little faster than I, so I did workout a very good sweat, coping with her pace and talking about my emotions as well.
See, walking really is my soul's favorite sport.
You can't talk long about the weather or last night TV show when you're walking. Pretty soon, you'll be talking about things that really matters to you - things your soul needs you to express, or to hear you say.
So there we were, walking and talking about our ups and downs, our families, our relationship with others... sometimes, I had to slow down a little, emotions emerging and taking my breath away; sometimes, I had to slow down cause the hill was longer than my breath!
Since I left St-Bruno last January, I found myself to be pretty lonely but acting courageously, like a good little soldier, doing what she has being told to do. Today, as I was going on and on about my situation, my lost, my disappointments, I came to realize how important having someone to talk to "from heart-to-heart" is to me (and to you too, I'm convinced).
Generally speaking, I'm a bright woman. I'm also conscious of my behaviour and of their consequences. I'm angry with myself for gaining back in six month those pounds I had lost since I joined SP in August 2010. I hate the "victim game" I played in those last months events. Most of all, I'm sad for burying all those negative feelings under "comfort food". Last spring, I started to transform that anger into a determination that would make me jump out of the bed and walk every morning, and try Zumba, and go back to Pilates class, and play Kinect when nothing else would be available. Those are flames of fire burning inside of me - fire of anger towards me I want to put off with gaining back some self control, over food and over physical inactivity. I still am mad with myself for having great weight lost expectations - that are bound to disappoint me.
Sorry, this is turning into a confession.
Basically, I just wanted to share the pleasure and the gratitude I had for Suzanne, and the fine time we shared this morning. I guess my soul still needed to talk some more... so thanks to you for walking with me - virtually.
You are precious to me.
PS : I choose to postpone Zumba class to next fall in order to keep on seeing Suzanne once a week and still join the Pilates group!