I heard over and over again in my Friday morning TOPS meetings that it was so much harder to keep the weight off once you reach your goal than it was to lose it. I would roll my eyes and think "yeah, sure, right, whatever" and think how rough these people had it (with added sarcasm...) I never believed it. Well, I have kept my weight off for one year and I will say that it has been a nonstop struggle. Some weeks were easier than others and I have fallen out of my leeway two times. The first time was over the holidays and those darn hershey kisses all too available to me. I had no problem getting back into my leeway and then below my goal. The second time, as much as I hate to say this, is right now. I went to Milwaukee for IRD, and actually did much better eating out every single meal than I thought I would. I did "cheat" (though I believe in moderation, not deprivation, so there is really no "cheating" in my eating habits)--I should say that I had maybe one more piece of pizza than I normally do (after having a White Russian in the hotel bistro with the Texas King, his wife, the Virginia Queen, and the Maryland King also having drinks) I lost count of the number of pieces that I stuffed into my mouth. But I also had grilled chicken salads, etc. I've been doing quite a bit of travelling guest speaking and have more to do coming up around the state of Texas (Dallas, Midland, and Wichita Falls for Fall Rallies in September, I just returned from Lufkin and Cleveland (where I visited with the TX State King's chapter and had a blast staying at his & his wife's house) and in August we are going to take a few days to visit a few chapters. It is all so much fun and I am completely out of my quite limited comfort zone! But it is taking it's toll where I am having problems getting in my required amount of exercise, and keeping me in the mindset that I have to eat healthy. So...I am about 2 lbs. out of leeway. I cannot say how hard that is for me to write. Being the TX State Queen makes me feel that I should not be in this position. It makes me feel bad that I have put myself into this position. I did have a lot of fun in Milwaukee, but I would do it a little differently now. I don't take vacations very often, but I have to remember that I can't throw caution to the wind. Even on vacation. Yes, I am the Texas State Queen, but I am human. Yes, I am still kicking myself. Yes, sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I am procrastinating this morning from cleaning (I have the 2008 TX State Queen coming this evening to spend a couple of days at my house...right now, she might turn and run!) Yes, I want ice cream, cookies, etc. to dull the pain that I have put my own self into. No, I will not have ice cream, cookies, and any other junk food that I can possibly think of to dull the pain. This helps remind me that I haven't lost everything--I still know that there are other ways to deal with problems than with food. A couple of years ago, I would probably gain 10 lbs. just from feeling this way. I am discouraged and I'm really, really pissed at myself. I have not weighed in at TOPS yet since IRD, so it is not official that I am out of leeway. I have confessed to a few close TOPS friends. I have sworn off puffcorn, icecream, and Swedish Fish for one month (2008 TX Queen & my TX King also swore off their vices--we even all shook on it!) I know I will get back into my leeway and will not lose my status. I know 2 people especially who will come and kick my butt if I do! Well, 3, including myself. So....promises to myself:
1. I will stop feeling sorry for myself
2. I will stop kicking myself--what is done, is done. Time to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on track!
3. I will exercise every day for at least 30 minutes.
4. I will not allow myself any junk food until I am back in leeway.
5. I will get 5 lbs. below my leeway and start working toward my Century Club Medallion.
6. I am going to get my rear end into the gym for my strength training.
7. I am going to clean my house as soon as I am done typing this!
8. I am going to count my blessings each and every day.
9. I will not destroy my scale, no matter what the numbers say.
I tell people when I am guest speaking at TOPS chapters that it is harder to keep off the weight. I also tell them that I know they are probably not believing me, as I didn't believe it when I was told that. It will be a lifelong journey (I try to stay away from the word "struggle") and I learn more about myself every day. This is just one of those life lessons. I have nobody to blame but myself, but I'm not going to blame myself anymore. It is just wasted energy. I'm going to get myself up off of my couch, give myself my very own TOPS hug, thank God, and get to work. If I can turn all of my frustration into energy to help me clean, I will have the cleanest house in Texas!