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Roller Coaster of Life...Hang on, baby!

Friday, August 05, 2011

Less than a week before our younger son's wedding, I learned that our older son (30--yep, you read it right..don't ask!) had been taken by ambulance 100+ miles to the ER after falling from a skateboard and using his face as the brakes. Broken facial bones, a pure black, swollen, blood-filled eye, his face swollen like a beachball. But younger son wanted him at the wedding no matter how ghoulish he looked and older son wanted to be there. (these 2 are like oil & water....what a shock (and joy!) to hear their fervent desires!) Dr. said, "OK."

The wedding was perfect in every detail. Front row seats are fabulous: watching our son and his love whisper their oaths in each others' ears and watching their young, love-filled eyes sparkle and dance. But the candid camera caught me stealthily dabbing my tears...and posted it! (very ugly) I tried. Really. Really. Hard. not to do that!

The picture-book flowers, decorations and favors, watching the 20-27 yr olds dancing, singing, and laughing outrageously while wearing crowns, boas, tiaras, lobster & witch hats from the photo booth, the joy of sharing it with my two closest friends of 32+ years from hundreds of miles away.....my joy was beyond words.

2 days later, older son's surgery required going up through his mouth to insert titanium under his eye & another batch in his cheek. The week of rest before the surgery had resulted in tremendous healing and improvement. The surgery took him back to the day of the injury --- swollen eye, face, black and blue bruises and severe pain. And more time off the job recovering. Will they hold the job for him in the height of our tourist season? Will the Fire Chief allow him to continue living in the firehouse? Will the son allow his body to heal instead of honoring his band's scheduled gigs this weekend?

Will I let him run his own life OR will I fall back to eating a few bags of M&M's (and maybe some ice cream) to feel less anxious?

YES to #1. And NO to #2. My hand going to my mouth is all I can control. That's IT. Gaining back the lost weight will NOT secure his health, his job or his housing. It WILL secure a return to my old habits. Not. This. Time. Maybe next time....but Not. This. Time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MEADSBAY
    My two sons are also like oil and water - but nobody better try to come between them!
    Congrats on your son's wedding-
    and good job taking care of yourself!
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    3365 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8158758
    Glad the wedding was a success and you had good times! Sorry about your older son and the skateboard accident and the pain he must be going through! My brother is a fan of skateboarding and yes, he is 30 also! Even sells them and designs art for them as a business. I fear this will happen to him too, one day! emoticon
    Good for you, putting your getting healthy above the emotional eating! emoticon
    3365 days ago
  • SOCKITTOME
    Wow -- glad your son is okay. Hope he recovers quickly and completely and that everything works out for him.

    As for you, my dear: emoticon

    You are absolutely right -- there is only one person we have any control over, and that is ourselves. You are doing great and I applaud you!
    3365 days ago
  • MOBYCARP
    Yeppers. There's only one person in the world you can change, and it's not your son. It's you. Your son will have to learn his own lessons, in his own time, no matter how painfully slow his learning process looks to his parents.

    I think that's the hardest part of being a parent, waiting for the kid to learn instead of jumping in and trying to fix things. But it's necessary, because you can't really fix things for him. He has to learn to fix things himself.
    3365 days ago
  • MACILINN
    Wow, what a story. I can tell you are a grt mom, In Nov both my DD's got seperated, 9 & 11 yr marriages, kids in tow. Life changed drastiacally, my empty nest filled up, many changes some good, some not so good, and I dropped my sparks and gained all the wt I lost and added some before I got on a scale and saw the damage. Up 24 pds in 8mos. Ouch. did it change any outcome? NOpe! Sept 25th I started sparkin again and am down 5 so far. I know I will get to goal wt again. It's just a matter of keeping my sparks a priority. I can do it. Good for you for keeping it real from the beginning. Learn from my story. I always say "If I had to be 300 pds for my kids and family to be 100% happy 100% of the time, I would gladly do it, but me being 300 pds only makes me 300 pds". No thanks.
    3365 days ago
  • JANLEH
    OHHHHH! I see! Yes, I understand so absolutely totally!!!!!!! My 20 year old is training to be like your 30 year old. Yikes - !!!!!

    Wow - that surgery sounded intensely painful!

    I'm happy to hear that the wedding was a success - and that you got to visit with dear friends. Loverly!

    Son + Anxiety = Eating? Oh yes, I do know this equation intimately. We have learned the new SP math though, haven't we?

    Son + Anxiety = Exercise & Taking care of ourselves first!

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    3366 days ago
  • CRAZYGYMGIRL
    My mom tells me that mother's never stop worrying about their kids no matter how old they are. Mothering has to be the absolute toughest job in the world. I took care of my 2 nephews for a week and now I hear your story... I know there are all kinds of rewards being a parent (at least parents all tell me so), but honestly, I kind of glad I don't have children.
    But you're absolutely right, you have to let them go, make their own mistakes and learn from it.

    Actually, your son sounds like an amazing person.... a bit reckless, but amazing! You have got to be proud of him and his brother. You obviously did a fine job raising them.

    The wedding sounds so lovely. I'm glad your whole family was together and enjoying it and the BFF reunion sounds amazing.

    You're my heroine!
    3366 days ago
  • CHEEKY1000
    I'm so glad you had a wonderful time with your friends. I'll send out positive thoughts for your injured son. Using his face as a break? Ooooooww!!

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    3366 days ago
  • NEWHORIZONSR4ME
    Oh my oh my what a chaotic week, but hurray, hurray for you perspective! I'm so very happy for you and your recognition that you have a choice. Way to go! I'm dancing a happy jib and I hope you are too if you have the energy left that is. Parenting is such a sucky job it's no wonder those little creatures start out so cute, who'd parent if not? My hats off to you Nancy you're doing great!
    3366 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4592528
    That really is a bit of both! Hooray for your son's wedding, and Boo for the other son's injuries! I trust both will work out well. I loved my sons' weddings ... But haven't had to watch one seriously injured. We Moms always cry with their pain and rejoice with their happiness! Hope you enjoy some restful time now, with few stresses!
    3366 days ago
  • VISUALLYRICS
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    3366 days ago
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