I lost almost a kg! After weeks of not losing and even some gain all while working out and sleeping and drinking water and eating well - I LOST!!!!
I have pored over last years successful reports when I was about 5 kg lighter and a whole lot stronger - even checked out my food trackers from a year ago to see where I am going wrong THIS year.
I have changed my WHOLE life. I quit smoking, I drink (mostly) responsibly. I moved house, law school and even cities. This alone is an ENORMOUS change. I feel like I have less friends here but more family.
We here in Christchurch have had a f*$ken CRAZY year. I cannot control you Mother Nature. I cannot control freak snowstorms or natural disasters. I cannot control being woken at least twice a week by big earthquakes and scared kids. I cannot control the fact we have had barely 2 months of ACTUAL law school since February. I CAN control what I eat, how much I lift, how much I exercise, how loving I am to my child and how much study I do.
I am like this fish. Swimming in my little fish bowl. (All I have going through my head now is Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd.) I am a very social person. My son is a homebody but is not socially awkward or anything. We are used to spending alot of time socialising and doing things. We are EXTREMELY limited in activities in our ravaged city. Tracks and roads to get to beaches are closed and dangerous. Malls and movie theatres are much too scary while large aftershocks are still so frequent. I am also financially confined. I have spent most of this year studying alone in my bed (warmest place in winter which we are just at the end of here), watching movies with my son (in bed) and sleeping. A usual year for me or at least the year I expected to have looked more like: studying in a building - more specifically the Law School Building (which has only just opened since the earthquake on Feb 22 of this year), going to actual classes with real actual other students, my son having full days at school with lunch hours to bond with new friends instead of half days, (mostly) getting good night sleeps, taking my son and his friends to the movies, the beach, walking tracks - anything but them sitting inside playing PS3 (which is what they have done since Feb). Sorry. Ranting.
I have however, now lost some weight! What has changed?
Well nothing in my immediate future is going to be any different - even last night almost 1 year to the day of the first big quake (7.1) we were violently woken to an earthquake 5 km deep (VERY shallow) and 5 on the richter scale. They are sharp violent rumbles which are a very real reminder of what we have been through this year and also grave reminder that Mother Nature has not finished with us just yet. STRESS.
Stress causes me to gain weight - not necessarily from over eating or lack of exercise but one of those unknown bodily functions - I'm pretty sure for my protection but I don't need any more protection thanks body. Got plenty to keep me going. Constant aftershocks = constant adrenaline = constant weight. It may also be because of worry/anxiety about keeping my boy safe, some sort of motherly instinct??
My son (along with most people but especially kids) is not sleeping. Whenever there is an earthquake he screams out for me (a scene replicating itself all over the city BTW) and I call to him to come jump into my bed with me. The cats also come from whereever they are and we all pile onto the net to find out what size quake it was. Well the cats are not as interested in that. On Monday I finally took him to the doctor and she prescribed him melatonin (1mg). It works like a dream. He is asleep at 9.30 instead of lying awake until 2 or 3am and can now naturally wake up at 6.30am for school. This has taken a weight from my brain full of stress. One less thing to worry about. Is this why I lost weight?????? Did it come from my brain??? Is my brain retaining worries like your body retains water???
Something to think about - I joined the stress busting team and after doing the test (which I did in 2009 and changed a lot of my life as a result) I have realised that what I am most in need of right now is:
Doing something FUN at least once a week.
Finding some close friends here whom I can rely on.
That is doable and one short term and one long term goal. Ahh life here I come...again!!
Ok I am wiped out. Emotionally drained from spilling my guts. Can't type anymore in this blog except to mention that I got an A+ for my last law essay. Thanks Mother Nature. Spending all this time in isolation studying has paid off in this respect at least. Now STOP with the shaking and let us feel a little less stress for a bit. I miss living!