Leader?!? Pffffbbbbttt!!!

So, as I ramp up for the upcoming BLC17, I can't help but reflect on the last few months. There have been some good times, exercise and nutrition wise, but mostly, I've been spiraling downwards FAST! I have managed to gain a whopping 15 lbs in the last 6 weeks, AND, I've just sat by (literally) and watched myself do it. I could totally write a "How to gain 15 lbs in 6 weeks" blog with no trouble at all, but I won't. I think that we all know how it happens...this slippery slope into old habits and careless eating. For me, it started when I allowed my favorite ice cream back into the house. I won't share the name, for fear that someone else will fall to it's luring temptatious ways. From there it manifested itself with my complete disinterest in doing the exercise videos (and I love Jillian and how I feel after hanging out with her for 20 minutes). It has been WAY TOO HOT out to walk even in the morning, and hubby has been heading into work early, eliminating my ability to walk with my friend at 5 am. I am full of excuses and full of guilt. The really sad thing is I can remember myself saying to my husband, "I'm never going back" (meaning putting the weight back one) and look at me!!! I am! I've lost focus, and forgotten what is important. My portions have grown by leaps and bounds (both healthy and unhealthy foods) and I am eating to comfort myself and sometimes just because it tastes good and it is there. WHY am I doing this to myself?!? I abandoned my BLC16 buddies about halfway through the summer furlough and by doing so have abandoned myself and my goals and my plans. I was even finding a really hard time getting excited for the upcoming BLC17 (for which I will co-captain a team). Embarassing, but true. HOWEVER, by keeping in contact with my captain and other co-captain and checking in on the captain's challenge chat and "faking it til I make it", I am starting to feel that tinge of excitement. It's there. It is a little "spark" deep inside that I will fan. Please help me fan it. Pray for me! Encourage me! Come along side me (and others feeling down) and pull me up! I promise that I will do the same for you! I am planning on rocking it with my Bombshells this round and I will not look at the what if's and the fact that I was so close to 150, and now get to try again. I will look at the now and the things that I can do to turn this around. Between now and Wednesday the 7th, I will create an inspiration collage and post in on my fridge. I will create 12 weeks worth of healthy goals. A few of which will include getting in my 12 cup of water again, exercising 6 days a week and eating a minimum of 5 freggies a day. I will pull out my blender again and enjoy my Green Dream smoothie, again. I will get to the store and buy some almond milk and some la tortilla factory tortillas (regardless of price or coupon status). I will revisit my fool proof recipe book and embrace them again. I will reconnect with old friends and bombshells and I will meet and get to know new bombshells. I am so excited for the coming weeks. I am excited for me! Leader?!? Yes!!! Leaders fall down, too, you know! This leader is picking herself up, brushing herself off, picking back up the torch and moving forward!