A New Start--because it' s a Whole Different Story Now
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Things are changing for me, rapidly, in terms of my physical abilities and my medical status. I am going, in October for a right shoulder replacement; something that is terrifying to me as I've heard it's worse than even the hip replacement surgeries and recovery were.
As soon as I've recovered a bit from that , but hopefully before the end of the year, I will be having elbow surgery on the other arm... I NEED a replacement there, but due to my "young" age, have to wait...He didn't say for how long! This sucka HURTS!
THEN, the other shoulder needs to be redone as well.
And THEN maybe we can focus a bit on the knees.
Maybe we can just say, "enough is enough" and I'll live as long as I can manage at home, until it becomes even more apparent that it's time for an assisted living facility. YIKES. I know that that time is rapidly approaching. If it were possible to say, 'Well, once I get these surgeries out of the way, I'll be doing much better," then it would be silly to do that. But realistically speaking, my spine is disintegrating much too quickly for that to happen. And that cannot be repaired or replaced. So what, really, is the point of enduring these surgeries? What is the point of jeapordizing my mental status by risking the post surgical confusion and psychosis that occur now follwoing each experience of anesthesia?
I'm going through some major emotional transitioning as I am beginning to realize, for the first time really, that "This is no joke. And it's not going to go away". Honestly, I'm still quite a ways away from that recognition or rather ACCEPTING that...because really, how can something like this happen to someone who is only 19? (Ok...almost 49, but it FEELS like I still must be a young and strong adult.) My thirties were great years. How can it be that ten short years later, I'm ready to be thinking of nursing homes? It just CAN"T be, that' s why. This is still a bad dream and i will wake up.
But I have a feeling that that "waking up" won't occur til Heaven. More and more, my heart and mind are fixed there. it truly is my only hope.