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a RUDE awakening

Monday, September 26, 2011

Recently I was described by a friend as a "Big, fat, cuddly fluff ball."

I don't think I like one single word in that description.
And I've just gone up another jean size.
And the scale is giving me more and more bad news.

I did some serious thinking today in the shower. (isn't that your meditation chamber too? Especially when confronted by an naked "you"!) ...I have multiple symptoms which always come for me when my eating is not only out of hand...but downright unhealthy.
I"m not eating chips and cookies, mind you.
Just things that were "verboten" in my diet vocabulary over the past 5 years and which now have crept back in. Sneaky things those habits.

Like an occasional cup of coffee. With sugar and half and half.
like an occasional soda.
Like occasional red meat.
Like things that are processed.
etc
etc

And my body is telling me in MANY ways that it doesn't like the poison I'm putting into it. Never MIND the fact of the thighs once more meeting and pressing together at the tops. Or the experience of going through my closet, trying on jean after jeans and NONE of them fitting.

LIke the fact that I FINALLY got into a pair of one of them the other day (and it wasn't due to weight loss....It was due to inhalation, lying down and wriggling to get them zipped.) and then shortly thereafter...the metal button went "POP" and flew to my feet where I sat....NOT the threads which ripped. THE BUTTON BROKE FROM THE STRAIN OF HOLDING IN MY GUT!

I"m so done with this.
Today I'm going to stay offline for awhile and reread some of my raw cookbook intros again and a few of the other resources I have here on the importance of eating clean. Managing the weight will just happen as a bi-product of eating RIGHT.

And as for exercise. I'm going to TRY my ergometer --praying that it won't aggravate a thigh/groin muscle injury I recently sustained. And maybe try some basic chair yoga. Anything more ambitious will have to wait until I can move back into my gym downstairs....post flooding due to Hurricane Irene. The workmen should be done with repairs by the weekend coming.

I"m not making you any promises. Because I"ve proven myself to be a terrible keeper of my own word. But quietly...to myself ...I am resolving that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NANT406
    I can definitely relate to what you're going through. I've been having a hard time fitting comfortably in my clothes as well. I need to refocus and get back to healthier choices. Thank you for sharing and good luck in your journey. emoticon
    3280 days ago
  • PONYFARMER
    I have two months of a come back under my belt and I too went back to my fav's. You will be back. Quitting in not an option!
    3281 days ago
  • CAZ5346
    GOOD LUCK CYNTHIA ON STARTING YOUR NEW CLEAN JOURNEY

    I'M PROUD OF YOU

    HUGS
    3281 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5645667
    I so love your way with words my friend ...
    I know that once you make up your mind, you will stick to it and be the healthy clean eating lass you once were ..
    Hugs and Love Susie emoticon emoticon
    3281 days ago
  • _LINDA
    When you can't exercise, eating right becomes CRITICAL.
    Its time you stepped up and had a good look at what was going on before more habits creep back in. Good for you.
    You can do this!!
    3281 days ago
  • THEEXERCISER
    I first thing is that you are honest with yourself which you have done (good for you)! Also, you seemed to already know how to get yourself back on track which is great! So now I would just say take some time to refocus yourself and take it meal by meal or exercise by exercise emoticon

    Carrie
    3282 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9136158
    emoticon never give up!
    3282 days ago
  • JASI27
    Sounds like we have a lot in common!! I have recently (like a year) switched to clean eating and now I am so totally off track I have no idea what to do. When I was eating all the processed crap, I figured out how to lose weight with frozen meals and salads that were preportioned and yadda yadda, now I find myself struggling with quick meals especially. I, too, keep saying that I will get it figured out but am not making much effort to do so.
    If you have any quick clean meals that you use, I would love to know what they are! Good luck girl! Keep plugging along and you will get there!
    3282 days ago
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