a RUDE awakening
Monday, September 26, 2011
Recently I was described by a friend as a "Big, fat, cuddly fluff ball."
I don't think I like one single word in that description.
And I've just gone up another jean size.
And the scale is giving me more and more bad news.
I did some serious thinking today in the shower. (isn't that your meditation chamber too? Especially when confronted by an naked "you"!) ...I have multiple symptoms which always come for me when my eating is not only out of hand...but downright unhealthy.
I"m not eating chips and cookies, mind you.
Just things that were "verboten" in my diet vocabulary over the past 5 years and which now have crept back in. Sneaky things those habits.
Like an occasional cup of coffee. With sugar and half and half.
like an occasional soda.
Like occasional red meat.
Like things that are processed.
And my body is telling me in MANY ways that it doesn't like the poison I'm putting into it. Never MIND the fact of the thighs once more meeting and pressing together at the tops. Or the experience of going through my closet, trying on jean after jeans and NONE of them fitting.
LIke the fact that I FINALLY got into a pair of one of them the other day (and it wasn't due to weight loss....It was due to inhalation, lying down and wriggling to get them zipped.) and then shortly thereafter...the metal button went "POP" and flew to my feet where I sat....NOT the threads which ripped. THE BUTTON BROKE FROM THE STRAIN OF HOLDING IN MY GUT!
I"m so done with this.
Today I'm going to stay offline for awhile and reread some of my raw cookbook intros again and a few of the other resources I have here on the importance of eating clean. Managing the weight will just happen as a bi-product of eating RIGHT.
And as for exercise. I'm going to TRY my ergometer --praying that it won't aggravate a thigh/groin muscle injury I recently sustained. And maybe try some basic chair yoga. Anything more ambitious will have to wait until I can move back into my gym downstairs....post flooding due to Hurricane Irene. The workmen should be done with repairs by the weekend coming.
I"m not making you any promises. Because I"ve proven myself to be a terrible keeper of my own word. But quietly...to myself ...I am resolving that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.