Drug of Choice

Food is my drug of choice. It is what I reach for when I am bored or sad or angry or just frustrated. So this morning, I am writing here.

I know this is an addiction I have to conquer. It impacts my life in a zillion ways. Yet, it would be so much easier if I did not have to eat. I quit smoking. 5 years clean. But to quit smoking, I simply had to never pick up another smoke as long as I live. I am not a non smoker. I am a smoker who is not smoking. I cannot do that with food.

I know how to loose weight. I know what it entails and what it does not. I know what works for me. I also know that when life sucks I reach for stuff that in large quanities are not good for me. They are part of my diet and when life is good they make the diet work.

Yet at those times when I am feeling stuck or a zillion other unpleasant emotions, I simply eat them. I don't enjoy them or even taste them. I just eat. I have to find a way to win. I refuse to give up. I will find a way.